Richard Gordon: SURGEON AT ARMS

Clare went to her small office and sat at her desk. It was all dreadfully confusing. Of course, she still loved Graham. Of course, she would happily marry him. Had she been five years younger she wouldn't have hesitated. But the lesson of Cosy Cot was not one she was anxious to learn over again-unless that funny old stick Haileybury was right, and Graham had really shed his old habits. When they had lived together she had seen mostly Graham's best side, and that was certainly something worth taking a risk for. On the other hand, with Graham you could never tell how he was going to behave about anything, even the way he liked his shirts ironed.

There was a knock. A cheerful curly-headed young man in a white coat, the thoracic surgeon's houseman, put his head inside. 'All right if we have a look at that patent ductus, Sister?'

'Yes, of course, Mr Cooper.' Clare got up. The surgeons were daringly starting to operate in the area of the heart itself, and had tied off an abnormal blood-vessel in a little girl suffering this congenital defect. She gathered up the notes. 'The patient's doing very well, I'm glad to say.'

'That's splendid. Then we'll have another one for you to nurse next month.'

'I'm afraid I shan't be here by then, Mr Cooper. I'm leaving to get married.' Clare stood looking at him, still wondering why she had said it.

Graham found a wedding in middle life a surprisingly agreeable experience. Though after all, he told himself, unlike most bridegrooms he wasn't marrying an almost total stranger.

Graham's first marriage had been one of the social landmarks of 1920. Maria had worn a train twelve feet long, there had been a shoal of expensively outfitted bridesmaids, all of whose names and faces he had long ago forgotten, and the first Lord Cazalay had driven her up in a brand-new Rolls Royce. The young John Bickley had been his best man, and the second Lord Cazalay, now calculating his chances in a remand cell, had become embarrassingly drunk. The reception had been in some official building, though Graham had gathered the bride's father would have preferred Buckingham Palace could he have arranged it. As Graham had expected, nobody had taken much notice of himself. He had later come to appreciate this was true of even the humblest marriages, which he supposed were largely occasions for the parents to entertain their friends and show off without risk of later backbiting.

His own wedding was the first Graham had attended since the miserable afternoon at the marriage of Peter Thomas-who Graham was delighted to find from the newspapers seemed to be making a fortune with some sort of cross-country air service. There were to be only four onlookers at the registry office. Clare's mother and father appeared from Bristol, to Graham's relief too flattered by their daughter's unexpectedly turning herself into Lady Trevose to utter anything but the platitudes of the occasion. He asked John Bickley to repeat his role of best man. Denise had to be invited as well, of course, but to Graham's intense joy was too ill on the day to go out.

Afterwards, Graham stood them all lunch in a hotel, where they had champagne and _snoek piquante._ There was a wedding-cake, with an iced covering made, in the way of the times, from detachable white cardboard. There were no speeches, though Graham's new father-in-law had by then so fallen under the influence of his charm and his tide that he had to be restrained from making one. They caught the train for a week-end's honeymoon at Bognor Regis. Everything was punctiliously correct. The rushed two weeks since Clare had accepted him were too occupied with her work in hospital and her visits to Bristol to give them more than a moment or two together over lunch in Claridge's. Graham mounted to their seaside bedroom reflecting with amusement that he was facing his bride like the most moral of newly wedded husbands-if one overlooked a year or two during the war. He got into bed making jokes about consummations and such other horribly dignified words festooning the sexual relationship. This time he put out the light, feeling he wanted to be as respectable about everything as possible. Then suddenly he broke into tears.

Clare held him tight in the darkness. 'Darling, what is it?' Weeping was something she had never known in him before. 'What is it? What's upsetting you?'

'I don't know, I don't know,' Graham told her. 'For once I just can't express myself any other way, that's all.'

Her hand under the bedclothes stroked his penis, that organ of superb anatomical ingenuity.

'I thought I'd lost you for good, Clare-I really did. I could have taken it a few years ago, but not now. Not any longer.'

She said nothing for a minute, then confessed, 'We have a fairy godfather. Someone who came and changed my mind.'

'Oh? And who might that be?'

'Mr Haileybury,' she told him cheerfully.

Graham sat bolt upright. 'Haileybury? My God! That pie-faced fossil Haileybury?'

'He told me you could be relied upon to be a good boy in future,' she added teasingly. 'And of course, nobody could possibly doubt the good word of Mr Haileybury.'

'Good God!' muttered Graham.

But the news was too much. For almost the first time in his life when in bed with a woman, Graham was put off his stroke.

At the beginning of June in the hot and thundery summer of 1947, it was starting to sink into the British public that of all the 'shortages' bedevilling the country, which ran from electricity-generating stations to milk chocolate, a lack of United States dollars was the most serious, intractable, and baffling. After all, General Marshall was proposing to give dollars away by the shipload to European countries who had spent the war defeating one another-even to Germany, or the bits that the Russians had left of it. And we were the victors. We had fought the war from the first shot, we had won it (admittedly with a little American assistance), we had paid our whack of it. It was most frustrating. Why, the Government were even contemplating an unbelievable economy-of denying the twenty million weekly cinemagoers their accustomed Hollywood films.

Graham then had a letter from Edith, demurely congratulating him on his marriage. He supposed she had learnt of it from some regular bundle of English newspapers dispatched to soften her exile. But most of the half-dozen pages in her large round hand concerned her son Alec. She was dreadfully worried about him. He had written early in the year explaining he was in hospital with some mild psychological disturbance. She just couldn't understand it. Alec had been a highly strung child, of course, and was still inclined to be excitable, but he was perfectly normal, and very clever, really. There was certainly no madness on _their _side of the family (Graham felt slightly irritated at the barb, but supposed it unintentional). Edith hadn't heard from Alec since. She has no idea if he were still under treatment, or where he was. She hesitated troubling Graham, who must be terribly busy, but she was becoming desperate. It seemed such an awful pity that all Alec's splendid education should go to waste.

Graham tossed the letter on to the desk in his Marylebone flat. Edith was always a great admirer of education, he reflected. Even as a girl she placed it among the noblest of human qualities, when it was only another pair of hands, to be used for good or evil, but mostly for feeding yourself.

But he supposed he had better do something about Alec.

He knew the young man had been discharged from Smithers Botham, taking some new drug which Dr Dency assured Graham would have a tranquillizing effect, rather than a soporific one like the barbiturates. Graham telephoned the psychiatrist's consulting room, to learn that Dr Dency had left for a six-months' lectureship in the Union of South Africa, where he was doubtless enjoying steaks and as many eggs as he cared to eat for his breakfast. He telephoned Smithers Botham, but could get no sense from anybody. The next afternoon he was himself delivering a lecture at Addenbrook's Hospital at Cambridge, and had arranged to dine in hall afterwards with his son. Perhaps Desmond might be able to help, Graham wondered. He had more reason for keeping track of Alec than anyone.