Stephen Randel - The Chupacabra

“Excuse me,” said Miss Pearl as she raised her bony little hand. “When do we get to break some boards?”

“And your name is?” Master Wu asked politely.

“Pearl,” she replied less than politely. “By the way, Wu, how many men have you killed?”

“Stop it, Pearl,” Polly hissed.

“Well, Pearl, while it’s true that tai chi chuan originated as a martial art and that each movement, if executed properly, does have a logical application for personal self-defense,” Master Wu gracefully moved his hands to block an imaginary assailant’s attack, “it’s also true that it takes many, many years of practice to master tai chi as a form of defense.”

“How long does it take to master it as a form of offense?” Pearl smugly asked.

“Patience, Pearl,” Master Wu said calmly. “Our class today is designed to introduce you to the basic concepts of tai chi so that you may begin to enjoy the benefits of this remarkable meditative art.”

“Like what?” Pearl asked.

“Reduced stress, increased calmness, and improved inner balance,” Master Wu replied, moving delicately on his feet, his arms flowing rhythmically around his body. “Like increased stamina, flexibility, and endurance. Practicing the forms will do wonders for your circulation and blood pressure…”

“Master Wu,” Polly interrupted. “Excuse me. My name is Polly. Is there any way we can focus on the inner calmness part today?”

“Why, of course,” Master Wu replied with a warm smile.

“You sure we can’t just skip straight to the blades,” Pearl asked as she pointed to the rack of straight double-edged tai chi swords at the front of the room.

“Patience, Pearl,” Master Wu replied. “Just as your name suggests, it takes many years for a tiny, irritating grain of sand inside an oyster to become a beautiful jewel.” Pearl scowled at Master Wu, not quite sure if she had been insulted or complimented. “The jian , or sword, is not for the beginner,” Master Wu continued. “But, if you follow my instructions, you will learn to control your chi and…”

“My who?” asked Pearl.

“Your chi ,” replied Master Wu. “It’s your life force, Pearl. With it, everything grows. Without it, everything dies. Over time, you will learn to focus your chi , and then even you will be able to break boards.”

“Well, what are waiting for?” Pearl asked impatiently.

“Excellent,” replied Master Wu as he clicked “Play” on a tape recorder at the front of the room. Soft sounds of soothing Oriental music filled the room. “Now, for the movement known as Beginning, I would like you to step with one leg to the side like this so that your feet are shoulder-width apart.” The students mirrored his movement. “Now, keep your posture relaxed, but not limp. There should be no tension in your chest or shoulders. Your pelvis should be tilted slightly forward with your bottom tucked underneath you so that your lower back is straightened.”

“Look,” Jolene said jubilantly as she tilted her pelvis forward as instructed. “It works! I haven’t had my bottom tucked under me since high school.”

“Honey,” Pearl replied. “You’ve never had that sack of potatoes tucked underneath you then or now.”

“Hush,” said Little Esther. “I can’t hear Master Wu.”

“Very good, students,” Master Wu cheerfully encouraged the class. “Now, begin by breathing in. Breathe in deep down into your abdomen. When we begin the forms, I want you to breathe in on open movements,” he said as his arms extended, “and out on closed movements,” and his arms pulled back in toward his body.

“I can already feel my concentration improving,” the gangly Big Esther said.

“Black coffee and cigarettes do the same thing,” replied Pearl.

“Now,” said Master Wu, “bring your arms up in front of you to shoulder height. When they reach your shoulders, drop your elbows slowly to your waist. Keep your hands relaxed. That’s very good, class. Now raise them up, again keeping your movements very smooth. That’s it. Now drop your elbows and let the hands follow them down. Remember to breathe. In on open movements, out on closed movements.”

“This is so relaxing,” said Polly as she followed Master Wu’s movements.

“Relaxing?” Pearl scoffed. “If some fool rolls up on me, I don’t want him hypnotized, I want him hospitalized. I don’t see how you can possibly bust someone’s melon with this weak-ass stuff.”

“Just do what Master Wu says,” Jolene said.

“Well, he might be Master Wu to you,” said Pearl. “But he’s just plain old Wu to me. You don’t ask an old black woman to go calling someone Master.”

“Pearl,” Polly pleaded, “just do what he does. We’re all here for you.”

“Just you remember,” Pearl said as she began to flap her arms up and down. “I didn’t ask for any help. This is your crazy scheme.”

“Excellent work, class,” Master Wu said as he walked among the students and inspected their movements. “Drop your elbows down. Keep your hands relaxed.” Suddenly, Big Esther collapsed to the floor with a thud. Master Wu rushed to her side. “Back away, people.” He fanned the air around Big Esther’s pale face.

“Oh, my God!” cried Polly. “Is she having a heart attack?”

“I don’t think so,” replied Master Wu. His fanning of the air seemed to bring some color back into Big Esther’s face. Slowly her eyes opened, and Master Wu gently assisted her to her feet. The room of students stood in hushed silence around the wobbly woman.

“I’m okay,” Big Esther said faintly.

“Let me guess,” said Master Wu. “You forgot to breathe.” Big Esther sheepishly nodded her big head in agreement.

Later that evening, an Austin police department cruiser worked its way through the highway traffic. The roads were still congested, even though it was after sundown.

“How much further?” Agent Diaz asked the police officer who had picked her up at the Austin airport.

“Not too far,” the patrolman. “Should be another fifteen minutes.” Maria shifted her position in the car seat so she could lean forward and grab the file resting on the floorboard beside her feet. She winced slightly as her arm sling pulled on her wounded shoulder.

Inside the big white house, Jackie, Kip, Bennett, and Polly sat in the parlor. All were sipping after-dinner drinks except Polly, who cradled an iced tea. Max was curled up in Bennett’s lap, snoring and dreaming. Jackie smiled ever so bashfully as the other three raved about the meal she’d prepared for them earlier that evening.

“Come on, guys,” Jackie said. “It was only lasagna. Ya’ll have to come by the restaurant. That’s the kitchen for preparing something special.”

“I’d come by more often if I could pronounce anything on the damn menu,” Bennett said as he sipped his bourbon. “You just drop off a pan of what you made tonight once a week and you’ll make an old man happy.”

“Well, I’m glad you liked it, although I think Avery just pushed his around the plate a couple of times.”

“Don’t mind him,” Kip replied. “If it doesn’t have sugar or caffeine listed as two of the main ingredients, he doesn’t much touch it.”

“Well, the peach cobbler in the oven ought to work for him, then,” Jackie said as she checked her watch. “Should be just about ready to pull out.”

“Jackie, dear,” Polly said. “Thank you so much for letting the girls come around to join us for dessert on such short notice. It means so much to them. Big Esther, that’s the tall one, not the short one, had the most awful day at tai chi class. I was afraid we almost lost her earlier. And Little Esther nearly had a conniption just seeing her there limp on the floor. Not to mention poor Jolene is horribly heartbroken. Her date tonight cancelled at the last minute.”