Stephen Randel - The Chupacabra

“Apparently so,” Polly replied.

“That explains why my ex-husband was such a bastard,” Jolene deadpanned.

“And then,” Preacher Naughton said as he continued his rant, “the scientists on this show were followed by another program that suggested even more ridiculous blasphemy. Life on other planets! Seriously! I’m not making this up! Can you believe it? They were saying that all those twinkling little stars you see in the night sky are actually suns with little earth-like planets floating around them. Unbelievable! Well, at least they got one thing right. There are sons in the Bible. The sons of Abraham!”

“Amen! Halleluiah!” the congregation rhapsodized.

“I tell you what,” Preacher Naughton said as he wiped the sweat from his brow. “These so-called scientists ought to just starting digging holes right in their own backyards. It’ll just make it that much easier for Satan to take them straight to Hell on Judgment Day. Boy, am I wound up today! Turn to 493 in your hymnals. We’re going to sing Lucifer right out of here. Hit it, boys!” Preacher Naughton said to the band as the congregation rose and belted out “Onward, Christian Soldiers” with the choir.

“Oh, dear!” Little Esther, sitting on the aisle, said as she noticed that the bright red ball of yarn she had been knitting from had fallen from the pew and was rolling down the sloped aisle of the sanctuary. Grabbing the sock she was knitting, she tried vainly to reel in the runaway ball of yarn, causing it tumble down the aisle even quicker. Holding her breath in fear, she watched the yarn ball unravel itself all the way to the front of the room, coming to rest at the base of Preacher Naughton’s podium. The preacher peered down over the top of the podium and examined the marauding ball of yarn. As the congregation continued to boisterously sing with the band and choir, Preacher Naughton stepped off the stage and picked up the offending ball of red yarn. Slowly, he began to reel it in as he followed its trail back up the aisle. Methodically wrapping the yarn back around the ball, he made his way closer and closer to Little Esther, who was sitting on tenterhooks. By this time, the rest of the girls and most of the congregation had noticed the situation unfolding. The girls nervously looked back and forth at each other as Preacher Naughton continued to close the distance to them.

“What part of ‘try and be inconspicuous’ didn’t you understand?” Pearl hissed at Little Esther.

“Cut the music!” Preacher Naughton commanded as he reached the last row of pews. The room fell into complete silence. “Well, good morning, ladies. I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting the four of you before. Is this your first time visiting our humble little church?”

“Yes, it is, sir, uh, your Holiness, uh Reverend,” Polly nervously stammered.

“Preacher Naughton will do just fine,” he said as he handed the ball of yarn back to Little Esther.

“We came with a friend…” Polly began as she suddenly felt Pearl, who was sitting beside her, kick her in the shin underneath the pew. “I mean, we came looking to meet new friends.”

“I see,” said Preacher Naughton. “Of course, we always welcome newcomers to our flock, however, only if they’re willing to become true believers. Are you truly interested in attending our services?” Little Esther, Big Esther, Jolene and Polly glanced at each other and then meekly nodded in agreement. “Are you willing to be saved?” The girls nervously nodded again. “Excellent!” Preacher Naughton exclaimed as he held his Bible aloft once more. “To the river!”

“What’s going on?” Big Esther cried out as the congregation swarmed the four women and pulled them toward the back door of the church.

“Thank you, Jesus!” Preacher Naughton exclaimed as he led the throng of ecstatic worshippers surrounding the timid ladies out the back of the church. “Thank you for giving us this opportunity to save four souls in your name in one day!”

“Pearl!” Polly screamed out. “Where are they taking us?”

“To the river,” replied Pearl, walking behind the rear of the group. “It’s baptizing time!”

“But I’ve already been baptized,” replied Polly.

“Not by Preacher Naughton, you haven’t,” Pearl laughed.

“Help us, Pearl,” Jolene pleaded as she caught sight of the muddy drainage canal behind the church. “They’re going to drown us like witches!”

“Don’t worry,” replied Pearl. “If you get washed downstream, you’ll come to a low-water dam about a mile down river. Just try to grab a hold of it. I’ll come pick you up later.”

“What!” cried Little Esther. “I’m not a strong swimmer!”

“Can you hold your breath?” Pearl asked.

“No!”

“Well, you might be in a pickle, then,” Pearl laughed.

“Pearl! Don’t you tease Little Esther like that,” Polly scolded. “Honey, you don’t worry about a thing,” she said to the trembling Little Esther. “Just do what the preacher says.”

Gathering at the edge of the drainage canal, Preacher Naughton handed his white suit coat to a member of the church and encouraged the girls to join him at the edge of the muddy water. Members of the congregation reached down to remove the girls’ shoes.

“Join me, ladies!” Preacher Naughton cried out as he waded into the dark water. Hesitantly the girls followed, trying to hold their balance in the flowing water filled with sticks and the occasional stray plastic bag.

“Don’t worry, ladies,” Pearl yelled out. “I’ve got your purses!”

“Doesn’t exactly look like the River Jordan to me,” Polly murmured under her breath as she struggled to stay upright and simultaneously hold down her dress to keep it from floating up over her waist. The ladies took their places upriver of Preacher Naughton as they turned and faced the canal bank, which was lined with the members of the church’s congregation softly singing “Baptize Us Anew” in unison.

“In life, we’re all called upon to make significant decisions,” Preacher Naughton said with his hands lifted to the heavens. “This is one of those decisions. By making it, you dedicate yourself to our heavenly Creator. May the Lord bless you and cast the demons from your body!” Reaching first for Little Esther, Preacher Naughton placed one hand in the small of her back and with the other pressed her backward under the muddy current. “I baptize thee in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit! You are a sinner no more!” As he lifted Little Esther from under the murky water, she spat and coughed the foul water from her nose and mouth.

Moving down the line, the Preacher Naughton repeated the process with Polly, Big Esther, and finally Jolene, who put up a pretty good struggle but finally went under. After Jolene emerged from the canal water, Preacher Naughton, his white suit pants and shirt stained a muddy brown color from the dirty canal, led the congregation and its newest members back inside. Dripping wet, with smeared makeup and disheveled hair, the four girls waited at the back of the room, standing on towels, until the service had finished. Walking back across the parking lot to Polly’s car, Pearl examined the soggy, motley group of women with ruined dresses.

“Lord have mercy,” Pearl cackled. “I sure do enjoy a good Sunday service.”

Later that afternoon, Avery flew along a barren stretch of Texas highway in Kip’s rental car. An old Journey song blared from the car’s stereo.

“Blast,” Avery muttered as he cursed Kip for not getting a full-sized rental instead of the green mid-sized sedan that thumped over the rough highway. Cruising past scattered farms and ranches, Avery hammered down his eighth Mountain Dew of the trip. Ahead, a slow-moving pickup truck towing a small chicken hauler puttered down the right-hand lane. Feathers fluttered out of the wire screened chicken cages. Coming up behind the truck and chicken trailer, Avery began to change into the left-hand lane in order to pass the offending poultry wagon. The deafening blast of an air horn startled Avery as a fast-moving semi in the left hand lane barreled past him. The trucker had to run his left-side tires onto the median to avoid hitting Avery’s rental. Swerving sharply back to his right, Avery found himself right on top of the chicken trailer. As he mashed the brake pedal to the floor, Avery’s car skidded off the highway and onto the shoulder of the road. Running over an abandoned hubcap, the left front tire of the rental car exploded. Frantically correcting, then over-correcting, then over-correcting again, Avery managed to bring the small car to a skidding stop on the gravel of the shoulder. An air horn blared again as another semi roared past.