Stephen Randel - The Chupacabra

Aunt Polly stumbled backward, this time completely losing her equilibrium on the towering heels. As she fell backward, she let out a terrified screech. Extending a pudgy hand to help break her fall, she landed with a thump squarely on her backside, spilling one of the grocery bags in the process.

Max, seeing the vulnerable prize on the ground, immediately stuck his head in the fallen sack, his nose sniffing wildly. Quickly sifting through oranges, a stalk of celery, and canned goods, Max found what he was after. The little raider pulled a paper-wrapped porterhouse steak out of the grocery bag. Suddenly, Max felt the strangest sensation. It was as if he was flying, Max thought before realizing it was just his master yanking him up and away from his treasure.

“Come here, you naughty little gremlin!” Bennett scolded as he tucked Max under one arm.

It’s my kill! Max thought as he struggled furiously in his master’s tight grasp.

Trying his best to subdue the wriggling beast, Bennett extended his long arm down to Aunt Polly and helped her to her feet.“I’m terribly sorry, Polly, but you fell right into his trap,” Bennett chuckled.

Aunt Polly brushed herself off and held the back of her wrist to her forehead. “Lord have mercy,” she exclaimed in her East Texas twang that was decidedly not from Austin. “I thought for sure I was being ambushed by a demonic white tiger. My life flashed before my eyes. I thought I was ready to meet the heavenly maker. That little beast will be the death of me yet!”

“Oh, settle down, Polly, he didn’t mean to startle you. Now, you okay?”

“I’m fine, but I’m most certain I nearly broke a heel during my fall, and my dress is a disgrace.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll straighten your dress right up.”

“Oh, I’m not worried about the dress, just my delicate nerves. I can feel my blood pressure escalating.” A look of panic crossed Polly’s face as she grasped Bennett’s arm. “Bennett, you’re a doctor. What should I do?”

“Come on, Polly, let’s get you and the tiger inside so I can clean up these groceries,” Bennett said as he helped Aunt Polly up the steps. “Come on in and see Kip. He’s in the parlor. I’ll bring you a glass of cold lemonade. You’ll be just fine.”

“Thank you, Bennett. You’ve always been such a decent gentleman,” Polly said as she took his arm and climbed the porch stairs.

Bennett walked to the back of the house and put Maximilian in the kitchen. He gave the mischievous dog a disapproving look as he closed the door behind him.

Max trotted over to his water dish and took a long, sloppy slurp. Sufficiently satisfied with the morning’s outcome, he curled up under the kitchen table and almost immediately began to snore.

Bennett went back outside to collect the spilled groceries, passing Aunt Polly in the foyer as she pulled herself together. Polly straightened her hat in the mirror on the wall and brushed the dirt from her dress with her pudgy hands before she crossed the foyer into the reading parlor. As she entered the room, Kip looked up from the book he was reading and a wide grin spread across his face.

“Praise Jesus, praise Jesus!” Polly exclaimed as she shuffled across the room to embrace Kip. Pulling his neck down with the crook of her arm, she planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek, leaving behind a circular smear of red lipstick on his face. “Honey child, my sweet honey child, it’s been so long since I’ve laid eyes on you.” Polly released his neck and held him by his shoulders. “How you been? How you been?” she asked, positively beaming. “Tell me all about it; I want to know everything about the big city.”

“Well,” began Kip.

“No, no, no,” Polly interrupted. “First, come sit down over here.”

They crossed the room and sat down on the red velvet love seat that was placed in front of the fireplace. Aunt Polly’s weight on the cushions pulled Kip closer to her than he would have liked.

“Okay, now tell me all about New York,” Polly begged. “I just love New York. Adore it. Adore it. Adore it,” she ranted in her startling fast-paced manner of speaking. “Now mind you, I’ve never been, but I was going to go with some of my bingo girlfriends last summer to spend a week seeing Broadway shows, but Esther, that would be Big Esther, she’s one of my bingo girls, not Little Esther, oh, she’s one of my bingo girls, too, they’re not related, but Big Esther is plumb near six and a half feet tall, so we call her Big Esther so there’s no confusion with Little Esther, who ain’t nothing but a whisper of a thing. Anyway, Big Esther says we shouldn’t go to New York until the city’s murder rate declines for three straight years in a row, because two is a coincidence, but three is a trend, at least that’s what Esther says, Big Esther, that is, and with a group of vulnerable Christian ladies, you can’t be too careful. I watch the cable and it’s shocking, just shocking what this country is coming to. An unescorted lady can’t hardly venture out past sundown without fearing for her safety.”

“Well, really, Aunt Polly,” Kip said, “the city, it’s really not that bad…”

“And tell me about your love life!” Polly interrupted as she grabbed his hand. “I don’t see a ring on this finger,” she said devilishly. “Oh, my goodness!” Polly clasped her hands to her face. “You should come to bingo with me tonight. I’ve told my girlfriends all about you. And I’ve told them how handsome my favorite nephew is.” Polly pinched Kip’s cheek.

“You just absolutely have to meet Big Esther and Little Esther, of course they’re not related, oh, yeah, I already told you about that. But anyway, Jolene and Miss Pearl, they’re my other bingo girlfriends; they’d love to meet you. And Jolene, she has this niece named Diane.” Polly grinned from ear to ear. “Diane works in a hair salon,” Polly smiled as she cupped the flaming orange curls of hair bursting from under her hat with her hands. “She does my hair, ain’t she fabulous? And she’s single,” Polly said with a sly grin on her face. “And what a sweet girl. As Jesus as my witness,” she placed her right hand over her heart, “I’ve never heard even one single swear word come out of her mouth, and working in a hair salon without even uttering one single, solitary G.D., you know that little angel is as pure as driven snow.”

“I don’t know, Aunt Polly,” Kip hesitantly replied. “I was kind of thinking about going downtown tonight to visit an old friend.

“Well, that just works out great, sugar! The bingo is right downtown. I can pick you up and drop you off to meet your little friend when we finish. Don’t worry. We don’t stay late. We refined ladies prefer to play our cards and leave early. If you stay too late,” Polly whispered, leaning into Kip’s ear, “the crowd gets liquored up and rowdy. You can’t hardly hear your numbers being called. We’ll be gone by eight. I promise. And then you can meet your little friend.”

“Aunt Polly. Really, I don’t know…”

“Really, I insist,” interjected Polly. “I’d feel so much safer with my big, strong, handsome nephew escorting me. These days downtown Austin is plumb full of drunken fraternity boys on Friday nights. They roam the streets making a clamor as they stumble their way to the bars and dens of ungodliness on Sixth Street.”

“But, Aunt Polly, you see…”

“An unescorted woman on a Friday night in downtown Austin!” Polly again interrupted. “Well, she’s just asking to be taken advantage of by perverts.”

“Well, okay, if you really feel that way,” Kip reluctantly agreed. “But only if we don’t stay too late.”

“Perfect, perfect, perfect!” Polly squealed. “This will be so much fun Kip. You’re going to love my bingo girlfriends! Not too late. I promise. Jesus as my witness.”