Edward Whittemore - Nile Shadows

Would you know me, Maudie?

Your eyes, I'd know your eyes anywhere but I don't think I'd have recognized you on the street. Your face has changed and you have a leaner look, although you were always thin. Joe laughed.

It's the lines, he said, they cut deeper now. But you look just the same. I'd recognize you anywhere.

Oh no, she said, freeing one of her hands and pushing back her hair. I've changed completely. . But heavens, oh my, has it really been twenty years? It doesn't seem that long, I don't feel that old. . You look very distinguished though. Age becomes you.

Distinguished? Dressed like this?

Your face. I didn't notice what you were wearing.

She laughed.

Your clothes never did fit you, you know. Remember that funny old uniform you used to wear in Jerusalem? The one that had belonged to that ancient Franciscan priest, that Irish friend of yours who'd been in the Crimean War?

Yes, the baking priest. He'd worn it at Balaklava.

That's right. The one who survived the Charge of the Light Brigade because he was drunk. His horse was shot out from under him and he was too drunk to keep up on foot, so they gave him a medal for heroism because he lived. Then afterward he became a priest and was sent to Jerusalem and put in charge of the bakery in the Franciscan enclave in the Old City. And he'd been baking bread ever since, always in the four shapes of the Cross and Ireland and the Crimea and the Old City, the four concerns of his life, as he said. That uniform he gave you, that was too big for you too.

Joe nodded, smiling.

Well I guess I haven't changed all that much then, I'm still wearing hand-me-downs. This suit belongs to an Armenian dealer in Coptic artifacts, in transit, or at least that's what my papers claim he is.

The Armenians, she said abruptly, were the first people to embrace Christianity as a people. Fourth century.

Joe looked at her in surprise.

That's an obscure piece of information. How did you know that?

You told me.

Oh.

They gazed at each other.

Would you like something to drink?

That would be grand.

A glass of lemonade? I have some made.

That would be lovely.

But she didn't move. They were standing a little apart and she went on staring at him, fascinated.

No, I don't think I would have recognized you on the street, not unless I'd looked into your eyes. The rest of you is different. There's a leanness to your face that changes your whole expression.

You look like someone who's been living in the desert, she added in a quiet voice Joe smiled.

Well I guess that's only right because that's what I've been doing. Not here, over in Arizona. I finally found an Indian tribe that would take me in.

You used to say you'd do that someday.

I know I did. And I got the idea originally from hearing about your Indian grandmother. Remember how I used to ask questions about her all the time?. . Ah Maudie, where did the years go? Where did they ever go?

I don't know. But here you are again all of a sudden, and you're still asking questions the way you always did. You were always looking for answers then.

I was young, Maudie.

Yes, we both were. And you could never get enough of anything, you wanted things so much. And I suppose I did too, and maybe that's what was wrong with it. Both of us so young and wanting things so much, too much, I don't know. Are you still like that, always looking for answers?

In a way, I imagine. But in a way it's also different.

Yes, I would have guessed that. And there's a calmness you didn't have before and you're leaner, harder.

In a good way, I mean, inside. The desert must have done that for you.

Probably.

She looked down at her hands, her face thoughtful.

You've been tending your soul, haven't you? You used to talk about doing that and that's what you've done. You went away and did it.

I suppose.

Yes, it shows. It shows in your eyes and your face and I guess we all do that in our way, and I guess that's where the years go. . Oh my, but we were young then. We were, Joe, so very young, and we didn't know much of anything. . Oh my. We were children playing in the fields of the Lord and there was never a day or a night for us, never darkness or light, just love and the joy of being together and wanting to be together. .

She stared at the floor.

It was beautiful, she whispered. . It didn't last, but it was beautiful Joe moved closer. He put his arm around her shoulders.

I brought some pictures, Maudie, some photographs of Bernini. I took them before I left the States. He's playing baseball, wearing what they wear when they do that. He's called a catcher. Can you imagine your son doing that, just like any American boy? He was very excited when I told him I was going to see you.

He sends you his love. He also sent this.

Joe took a bracelet from his pocket, a thin gold-colored band without any markings on it, made from some cheap metal.

He picked it out himself, said Joe. I asked if I could help him choose something but he said this was what he wanted. He said he knew you'd like it because it's simple, and you like simple things. And then he talked a lot about the little house by the sea in Piraeus, where you used to live. He has such a good memory for some things. And he insisted on paying for the bracelet out of a little money he'd earned. He says he's already learned enough to get paid for it sometimes. Of course it must be something they do at the school to encourage them, paying them a little now and then, but he is doing well, Maudie. I went to the workshop and watched them repairing watches and he's getting on with it all right. It's not going to make the least bit of difference, the things he can't do, they're not going to hold him up at all. In other ways he's just marvelous, the way he thinks is just marvelous. Oh he's a jewel, little Bernini is.

Maud took the bracelet and held it, gazing down at it. She wondered whether Joe knew that Stern had once given her a bracelet like that in Piraeus, although one made of gold. And of course Bernini had remembered that other bracelet, and now with this simple gift he was saying to her that he too. . But of course Joe must have known all of that. . and understood it.

Joe felt a quiver pass through her shoulders as he held her. All at once she seemed smaller than ever to him, her shoulders thinner than he remembered.

Here now, Maudie, what's this you're doing?

Tears were welling up in her eyes. She shook her head, as if to send the feeling away.

I get so frightened sometimes, she whispered. He's not little anymore, not just a child, and sometimes I get so frightened when I think about it. The world's not made for people like him, it's not. It's hard enough to get by when you start with all the regular things. .

Joe held her tightly. She was crying and shaking her head, unable to shake herself free from the echoes she didn't want to hear.

Ah Maudie, I know how you feel and it's right for you to feel that way, you're his mother and nothing else would be right. But it's also true that people succeed in all kinds of ways. It's just breathtaking how they do it and Bernini's a fine lad, that's all, and he's going to do just fine. It doesn't matter that he can't read and write the way others can, or that he doesn't have a head for figures particularly. All the one means is that he'll never be an accountant hidden away in the back of some dusty office. And as for the other, well Homer was blind and he couldn't read or write, but he still saw everything there was to see and read the world much better than most of us. What I mean is, Bernini has other gifts and it's a rich world he has, just teeming with beauty. And it's going to be a rich life he finds for himself, I know it.

Maud had stopped her tears. Suddenly she looked up and smiled.