Maggie Gee - The White Family

Then he saw the enemy come out into the daylight, three or four of them, between him and his goal. He knew better than to think he was in any state to fight them, so he’d have to use cunning. His mouth was dry. They would see at once where he was going — He was much too old. He’d been in civvies too long. But he wouldn’t give up. They would have to kill him. And if they did, he was ready to die.

It took a very long time to get close to them. He realized they were moving much faster than him, but speed wasn’t everything, staying-power counted.

Three of them. Young. African. Big! And he drew himself up, he tried to look jaunty, he even tried to whistle a bar of ‘Colonel Bogey’, but he didn’t have any air in his chest — He suddenly felt he might fall on the floor, fall where he was and lie on the pavement, but it loomed behind them, the police station, huge, monumental, his goal, his rock, and he would not yield, he would stay on his feet –

He would stay on his feet. They would cut him down.

‘Hey, man,’ said one of them, ‘wicked trousers!’

The enemy were looking at his pyjamas.

They were laughing, but it didn’t seem unfriendly.

He saw something else; they were just children. They were giant teenagers, gleaming black. One of them had an enormous hat. One of them was smoking, with overdone gestures, blowing great clouds of it into the wind. She had bits of shining glass in her hair, like the beads May put in Shirley’s Christmas stocking … How glad he had been to have a daughter. He hoped he had done right by her …

Sorry, Shirley. Sorry, love .

Then the boy who spoke first bent close to him. ‘You all right, man? You don’t look good.’

Alfred pointed, mutely, to the police station. This was all a dream, or perhaps a disguise, he was probably a fool to trust them, but he suddenly knew he couldn’t do it on his own, his knees were buckling, and he let them help him, a wounded soldier, up the steps, never quite collapsing, in through the door, across to the counter, leaning on their arms (so they weren’t the enemy, he’d just got confused), and he pressed the bell with the last of his strength, and his helpers disappeared like smoke.

The policemen were lurking behind a glass wall that protected them, he guessed, from loonies. Too many of them about, these days, wandering the streets, sitting on benches. He waved, authoritatively, at the policemen. They would recognize him straightaway, of course; he had often had to call them to the Park, in summer, when people got nasty.

But they couldn’t seem to see him, now, in a different place, in different clothes. They were drinking mugs of coffee and smiling a lot, smiling at him, not particularly kindly. Then one of them waved back, rather a silly wave, and twirled his finger near his forehead.

After a very long time, someone came over. But when Alfred said, ‘It’s about the murder. About the murder in Albion Park. Bringing information. I have information,’ his silly smile died, he began to look grave, he helped Alfred into an interview room, and Alfred knew his last mission was accomplished.

‘It’s my fault,’ he started, ‘all my fault. I am the Park Keeper. I was the Park Keeper … What I have to tell you concerns my son.’

Now he must stand in the dock alone.

May, he thought. May. Forgive me.

And you, Mr King. The murdered man.

But Alfred could not imagine him.

Only his blood, flooding, darkening.

White, terrified, the face of his son.

Everything, now, would be put in motion, nothing could be stopped, nothing could be hidden –

Alfred took the stand alone.

No … Grave … Shall Hold His Body Down …

The message come, and summon me home

Is the hand of the Devil

Is Satan work

Lord, I am saved, why do You forsake me?

Awake, and rise to my defence …

What have I done? What have we done? I go to church, I pay my tithe … Ten per cent of my gross income …

Break the teeth in their mouths, O God … Let them go down alive to the grave …

My baby brother. Winston, Winston. Does he break Your Law? What happen? What happen?

They murder Winston in the stinking darkness … They hate us, Lord. They afraid of us. Anything we touch is black, to them. And they fear anything with blackness in it. They right to be afraid, innit?

Lord Jesus, make them come to us. Come on their knees. Let them crawl to us. Let them come and beg us not to destroy them, for Your wrath destroy them, surely, Lord, Your wrath in us, Your holy anger … Surely this anger come from You …

Let them eat the flesh of their children, Lord

Winston, Winston. My little brother. Everyone love him. Winston never hurt no one …

Shirley, Shirley. She come to me. She beg forgiveness. Her big white body …

Her face all wet, shining with tears, blotch red and white, she almost ugly. Big mess of colours. But she still Shirley …

I bloody hate her. Bloody hate her.

We bathe our feet in the blood of the wicked …

I bloody hate her … Bloody love her. Shirley, Shirley. What happen, what happen?

How can I ever touch her again?

You are the Lord, there is no other …

You have created both darkness and light …

Jesus, Lord, shall we never come home?

No … Grave … Shall Hold His Body Down …

It was May who found him. Of course it was May. Who else could have guessed where Alfred would go? No one worried about him, once he’d done what he had to. A squad car was sent to take him back to hospital, but when May phoned the ward, Alfred hadn’t arrived. At the station, no one recalled who was the driver. They hardly seemed to register Alfred’s name, as though he had already slipped into the past, fading away as if he’d never been ….

He’ll have asked the policeman to drive him to the Park, she realized, suddenly, sitting there distractedly, pulling at her nails, frowsing her hair, listening to the clock in her empty house, her nest from which all the birds had flown, they had taken Dirk, her child was gone … The White family was finished, then.

But it was Alfred, finally, she minded about. Where had he gone, her duck, her dear one?

He’ll have asked them to take him to the Park. Of course.

And she pulled on her coat, not her ordinary coat but her good blue coat, the one Alfred liked, for she had a feeling of dread, of occasion, and set off briskly into the wind, the wind that sharpened with the sun, it was a cold clear day, bright as a lemon, everything was seen, everything known …Their shame was known. The family shame.

Perhaps she had tried to hide too much.

Perhaps he was right, and she was wrong, but it didn’t matter, as long as she found him –

O that ’twere possible

After long grief and pain

To find the arms of my true love

Round me once again …

Alfred Tennyson. Alfred, Alfred .

She saw him half lying at the foot of the hill, his hair a frail white flag in the sunshine, and started to run, for she saw he was down, but he rested on one elbow, on the green ground, it had been a clear night, he must be bitter cold …

‘Alfred, Alfred.’

‘Don’t take me inside.’ He could hardly speak, his teeth chattering, a bad yellow colour to the skin of his face, and the bone of his nose had begun to wear through, she saw it gleam beneath the skin, clear as death in the brilliant sunlight, but she also saw the look in his eyes as he recognized her, unsurprised, joyful, as if he had always known she was coming, as if he had been waiting for her, and his fingers twitched, his arm scarcely lifted but she knew he was reaching for her hand, and she slipped it into his grip of stone, trying to squeeze some warmth into it, he was turning into something else, he had always been a small man, modest, and now he was a statue, still, heroic. She didn’t want it, she just wanted Alfred.