Matt Shaw - A Sting in the Tale - A Collection of Short Stories

Of course Jude didn’t get it, “Maybe they’re there out of respect? Maybe they want to say their last goodbyes?” she had replied.

Fred had turned to her with a look of both disbelief and jealousy on his face. He couldn’t believe she couldn’t see it; human nature at its most greedy. Yet he was also jealous of her; jealous that she hadn’t experienced it before. But then, of course she didn’t know it. Her family didn’t have any money. He just hoped this wouldn’t change her.

“They just want his money. If he didn’t have any there would be less than half the people at that damned service. Well they’re in for a shock,” he’d said, “because I won’t be letting them take anything that doesn’t belong to them. And Mr. Clack — his bank manager — he can get stuffed if he thinks he is keeping the business. That money is coming straight away from his care…”

Jude had smiled, “Do you really think he will leave us the money?”

Fred had snorted through his nose, “Well who else will get it? I am the only living relative.” He had made his own Will less than 6 months ago and — even though his brother hadn’t helped him with his project — he had left him a substantial amount of money. The rest went to his wife. It stood to reason that, with his brother being single and there being no other close family members, he would get a good proportion of what his brother had accumulated over his lifetime. Not that Fred planned to keep it all for himself. Naturally he would share it out as it was the decent thing to do. That being said — he’d ensure the people, who crawled out of the woodwork to try and get a sniff of the prize, would quickly be stamped back down to where they had come from with little chance of return.

Jude didn’t say anything else on the car journey. She just sat there, hoping Fred was right and that he wouldn’t be disappointed.

V

After saying a quick hello to a few of his cousins, whom he hadn’t seen since the last funeral, Fred finally managed to get a hold of the man he’d been wanting to speak to since the service began; Fred’s solicitor — Graham Pains.

“My deepest condolences,” Graham said as he shook Fred’s hand.

“Thank you, thank you… Listen…”

“I can only imagine the shock it must have come as,” Graham continued, interrupting Fred. “I was only speaking to Norman a couple of weeks ago. It’s a scary though, isn’t it? One minute you’re here and the next — gone.”

“Yes, it’s terrible.” Fred dismissed what Graham was saying, brushing it to one side with a metaphorical sweeping of a brush. He hadn’t sniped Graham out of the crowd for a conversation about the injustice of death and how short life was. He wanted to know whether Graham had the Last Will and Testament of his brother. More specifically, he wanted to know what it said. Graham — however — was unaware Fred had the potential to be so cold.

“It’s a sad, sad thing,” he continued. “It seems to be that time of the year. People seem to be dropping like flies left, right and centre. Did you know this is the fourth funeral this month alone and we’re not even half-way through.”

“It’s my second,” said another man of similar age. A complete stranger to Fred who’d overheard the conversation and — somehow — deemed it appropriate to join in. “It certainly makes you think about your own life,” the man continued. “I mean — my best friend dropped dead of a heart attack less than a fortnight ago. Poor bastard was going about the office, filing paperwork, and then — bam — out like a light. Admittedly it was one of those bulbs that flickers faintly for a while before finally going out but, yes, he perished on that very spot. Because of that — and without thinking of the consequences — I upped and left right there and then. My friend was always complaining about not doing enough with his life and — for him — it’s too late. Not too late for me though. I always hated that place and I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it felt just to leave like that. Truly amazing. Of course I didn’t think it through one hundred percent — now I’m in that stage of blind panic, trying to find a job before the next set of bills come in,” he laughed.

Fred cottoned on immediately. He didn’t recognise the man because he was a freeloader. Someone who had most likely bumped into Norman once — or twice — through work (possibly) and was here in the faint hope of getting some money from the estate. Clearly the man was deluded if he thought he was going to walk away with any of the prize pot. It would go to Fred, some to the cousins, some to pay off any outstanding debts, some more to Fred, pay the staff off, a little more to Fred and then — finally — the rest to Fred. People like this chap could go to Hell if they thought they’d be getting anywhere near it.

“How did you know my brother?” Fred tested the gentleman.

The man pretended to spot someone he knew across the room and gave them a little wave whilst mouthing the word ‘hello’. With that, he turned to Fred and Graham, “If you’ll excuse me — there’s someone over there that I simply must say hello to.”

Fred and Graham watched the man. He walked straight past the gentleman he had pretended to acknowledge and right out of the main room, passing a bored looking Jude — standing in the corner. It was exactly as Fred had suspected; a damned freeloader.

“That’s terrible about his friend,” Graham said finally.

Fred turned back to him, “Yes. Well. Clearly. Anyway. I was wondering…”

“I’m not sure quitting your job would be the right way to go though, if you were in his situation. It’s all very well saying you’re going to go off and live your life but — well — you do need to ensure your bills are paid, yes?”

“Yes. Obviously.” Fred quickly continued, “And it’s that I need to discuss with you.”

“Oh don’t worry — your brother and I were squared up long ago. There’s nothing owing on his account,” Graham gave Fred a little wink and smiled.

“No. That’s not what I was getting at,” Fred continued, “I was wondering whether you had a copy of the Will and when the reading would be?”

Graham laughed, “I know, I know. I was just teasing you. Yes I do have the Will and there will be a reading. In fact, seeing as you’re not the only one to ask the question — if it’s not in poor taste — we could do it later on?”

Fred bit immediately, “What do you mean I’m not the only one asking? Who else has spoken about it?”

“Oh you know how it is,” Graham said, “someone of wealth perishes and suddenly you find yourself surrounded by people all holding their hands out for what they believe they’re entitled to.”

“Yes I know but… Well… I’m his brother. Who else was asking?”

“You have the staff. Obviously they’re worried about their wages for the month, which is fair enough. Then there are his cousins. One of which he apparently owed money to and has done now for a few years. He was getting quite shirty rambling on about interest etc but I wouldn’t worry about him. There’s no contract that I know of and your brother and I have been doing business now for many, many years. They’re just trying their luck.”

“Great so I’m going to have to deal with imbeciles like this when we do the reading then?” Fred huffed, “Who said it?”

“Oh it really doesn’t matter. Like I said, there’s no contract so — if they’re not mentioned in the Will — they won’t get a penny anyway.”

“I have had enough of this,” Fred snapped.

Without any warning he jumped up on the settee and addressed the room, “Listen — whilst it is nice to see so many people here… What is not nice is the fact that some of you are here for the wrong reasons; not to pay your last respects but rather to try and freeload some of the money. Well listen up and listen carefully — you will not get a penny of it. As his only brother — and the closest family member he has — I won’t allow my brother’s wealth to be split between people who do not deserve it. Now obviously we haven’t done the reading yet but, when we do, I will tell you this much… I will of course be paying out money to the staff for hours worked, as part of your usual wage. You worked hard for my brother and I am sure he is grateful. You will not be getting more than what you’re owed though. This was your job. You are employees only. Nothing more and nothing less. But — with your final wage — I shall also take this time to wish you the best of luck in securing work elsewhere.” He paused a moment and listened to the rumbled moaning of the disappointed. “If my brother owed you money for any reason — this too will be paid back to you on receipt of a valid contract. No contract, no money. That is the way business works.” A few more people moaned. “To Mr. Clack — thank you for your years of service but my brother’s money will be transferred to another account with another bank. I have not used your establishment, nor do I plan to. Again, thank you for doing your best at steering him in the right direction, over the years, even if your direction wasn’t necessarily the one I would have opted for. Okay, if you fall into any of the above categories — now would be a good time for you to leave, thank you.” Fred stopped and waited.