Orhan Pamuk - A Strangeness in My Mind

At home, he needed his wife to tell him how important he was all the time. But since Fatma had been born, Rayiha had stopped telling him, “You’ve done really well today, Mevlut; how clever of you to think of using the leftover fruit syrup to sweeten the boza, Mevlut; all the clerks in the government offices love you, Mevlut!” During Ramadan, no one sold food out on the streets, so Mevlut was at home during the day. He would have liked to have sex with Rayiha all morning to take his mind off his jealousy, but she didn’t like doing “those things” in front of the baby. “Last summer you were scared that God would see us, now you’re scared that the baby will see us!” Mevlut yelled at her one day. “Now get up and stir the ice cream.” Mevlut would delight in watching Rayiha, intoxicated with the joys of maternal and marital love, climb out of bed obediently and stir the ice cream using both hands to grip the long spoon handle, the veins in her graceful neck becoming more defined under the strain, and while he looked at her he would occasionally rock the baby’s crib by the bed.

—

Samiha.It’s been a while since we came to Istanbul. We’re still at my sister’s place in Duttepe, where I can hardly sleep because my father snores so much. Süleyman got me a woven golden bangle. I accepted the gift. My sister is saying there’ll be talk if we don’t go ahead with the engagement ceremony soon.

—

Rayiha.Mevlut seemed so jealous of me breast-feeding Fatma that first I got really upset, and then I stopped getting any milk. In November, I got pregnant again because I’d stopped breast-feeding Fatma. What will I do now? I cannot tell Mevlut about the new baby until I’m sure it’s a boy. But what if it isn’t? I couldn’t stand being home on my own; I thought I might go over to Vediha’s, and that way I’d see Samiha, too. At the Taksim post office, I found out what had happened and hurried back home in fear.

Blood Will Be Shed over This

Vediha.Samiha showed up at our bedroom door one afternoon wearing her headscarf and carrying her bag. She was shaking like a leaf. “What’s going on?” I said.

“I’m in love with someone else, I’m running away with him, the taxi’s already here.”

“What? Are you crazy? Don’t do this!”

She started crying but wouldn’t relent.

“Who is it? Where did you find this guy? Look, Süleyman is in love with you, don’t put Father and me in this situation,” I said. “Who elopes in a taxi anyway?”

My little sister, blinded by her love, was so worked up that she couldn’t even speak. She took me by the hand and led me to the room where she and Father were staying. She’d placed Süleyman’s gifts in a neat pile on the table — the bangle and the two headscarves, one of them decorated with purple flowers and the other with pictures of gazelles. She gestured toward them as if she’d been struck dumb.

“Samiha, Father will have a fit when he gets home,” I said. “You know he’s accepted gifts from Süleyman and taken money for the false teeth and a whole load of other things. Do you really want to put our dear father through this?” She looked at her feet and kept quiet. “Father and I would have to live with the shame for the rest of our lives,” I said.

“Rayiha ran away, too, but it was all right in the end.”

“Rayiha didn’t have any other suitors, and she hadn’t been promised to anyone,” I said. “But you’re not like Rayiha, you’re beautiful. And Father hadn’t taken anyone’s money in exchange for Rayiha’s hand. Blood will be shed over this.”

“I wasn’t aware I was promised to anyone,” she said. “Why would my father do that, why would he take people’s money without asking me first?”

We heard the taxi honking from the street. Samiha was moving toward the door. “If you run away, Korkut is going to beat me for weeks, you know that, don’t you, Samiha? He’ll cover my arms and legs in bruises, you know that, right?” I said.

—

Samiha.We hugged each other, and started crying…I felt so sorry for my sister, and I was so afraid…

—

Vediha.“Go back to the village first!” I said. “Then you can elope! If you do it now, they’ll blame it all on me; they’ll think I arranged it. You know they’ll kill me, Samiha. Who is this man anyway?”

—

Samiha.My sister was right. I said, “Let me just send the taxi away.” But somehow I picked my bag up on my way out anyway. I was walking through the garden and toward the gate when Vediha, who was watching from the window, saw the bag in my hand and started pleading, “Don’t go, Samiha, don’t go, my darling sister!” When I walked through the gate and reached the taxi, I didn’t know what to say or do. I was just thinking of telling them, “I’ve changed my mind, my sister’s crying,” when the taxi door opened and they pulled me inside. I didn’t even get the chance to turn around and look at my dear sister one last time.

—

Vediha.They forced Samiha into the car. I saw it all from the window. Help! I screamed. Hurry up, or they’re going to blame me! Those villains are abducting my sister, help!

—

Süleyman.I woke up from my afternoon nap and saw a car waiting at the back door…Bozkurt and Turan were playing in the garden…I heard Vediha screaming outside.

—

Vediha.How far could I possibly run in slippers…Stop the taxi, I yelled. Samiha, get out of that car!

—

Süleyman.I ran after them, but I couldn’t catch them! I was so enraged I could have exploded. I went back, jumped into my van, and sped off. By the time I’d passed our shop and reached the bottom of the hill, the black car had already rounded the corner toward Mecidiyeköy. But this is not over yet. Samiha is a virtuous girl, she’ll jump out of that taxi any moment now. She’s not gone, they haven’t taken her yet. She’ll come back. Don’t think there’s anything going on here. Don’t write about this, do not BLOW THIS OUT OF ALL PROPORTION by writing about it. Don’t ruin a good girl’s reputation. I could see the black car farther ahead, but I couldn’t catch it. I leaned over to the glove compartment, took out the Kırıkkale gun, and fired two shots into the air. But don’t write that down either, because it’s not true that she’s eloping. People will misunderstand!

—

Samiha.Actually, they’ve understood perfectly well. I eloped. I eloped out of my own free will. Everything you’ve heard is true. I can’t believe it either. I’m in love! Love made me do this, and I felt better when I heard the gunshots. Maybe because it meant there was no turning back now? We fired a couple of shots into the sky ourselves, just to make it clear that we weren’t unarmed, but once we got to Mecidiyeköy, the guns were put away. It turns out Süleyman was at home at that time of day, and now he’s chasing after us in his van, and it’s scary, but I know he can’t find us in this traffic. I’m so happy now. You saw for yourselves: no one can buy me…I’ve been so furious at them all!

—

Süleyman.I accelerated as soon as the traffic cleared up. But then — damn it! — a truck came out of nowhere, I swerved to the right, and, well, it was inevitable: I crashed into a wall! I’m feeling a little woozy now. Where am I? Better keep still, try to figure out what’s going on. Seems I’ve hit my head on something. Oh, that’s right! Samiha has run away. A bunch of nosy kids were already coming toward the van, enjoying the scene…I’d hit my head on the rearview mirror, and my forehead was bleeding, but I reversed the van and then sped off again after them.