Louise Welsh - A Lovely Way to Burn

‘What was he going to do?’

‘That was the problem. Geoff couldn’t expose the scandal without exposing his source, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to spare him anyway. He didn’t drink much, but we had wine with our dinner one evening, after the boys were in bed. Geoff got quite morose about the investigation. He didn’t go into details; like I said, he tended to keep the darker side of his work separate from family life, but it was something nasty.’ Sarah Frei stroked her child’s curls. ‘All the same, he had known the man when they were both children. They’d been friends when they were at school. That was why the whistle-blower had got in touch with Geoff in the first place.’ She shrugged. ‘Geoff was going to write the article and alert the relevant authorities, but he didn’t feel good about it.’

‘Did he say whether he was going to warn his source of what he intended to do?’

Sarah Frei put the cigarette to her lips, but drew on it less hungrily.

‘Geoff was Geoff. He liked to think he was very twenty-first century, but he had this big public-school chip on his shoulder about doing the honourable thing. I used to tell him, stuff the honourable thing. Just do the right thing.’

‘Did anyone else pick up the investigation, after he died? Any of his colleagues?’

Sarah Frei paused and Stevie became aware of the noise in the street, the growl of engines as cars drove away, the burble of subdued goodbyes. Sarah Frei raised her hand in farewell to a departing Volvo and gave a sad smile. ‘That’s Max and Abigail’s mum and dad gone. We should leave soon too.’ She glanced at her cigarette and then turned her attention back to Stevie.‘The newspaper was going to send a courier to take Geoff’s computer and notes to his editor. I think they thought it would be insensitive to send one too soon, but they should have been quicker off the mark. The house was burgled while we were at Geoff’s funeral.’ Sarah Frei shook her head. ‘Can you believe it? At the very moment we were putting my husband into the ground someone was in our home, going through our things. Most of the neighbours were at the funeral so the burglars couldn’t have chosen a better time.’

Stevie said, ‘That’s terrible.’ But she was remembering her own torn-apart flat and Simon’s ransacked apartment. ‘Did any of your neighbours get burgled too?’

‘No. I think some of them felt bad that they weren’t, as if it would have made things better if they’d lost something too.’ She gave a small, bitter laugh. ‘What I wanted was for one of them to have lost her husband instead of me. I wanted Geoff to be here so we could both lend a sympathetic ear while someone else tried to pick up the pieces of their life.’ Sarah Frei glanced at the chid and then raised her eyes to meet Stevie’s. ‘I’m sorry, that sounds terrible.’ She took an angry pull at her cigarette. ‘Geoff’s editor described the burglary as the last straw, but quite frankly I found it hard to care. The burglars took quite a few things of value, including Geoff’s computer, but so what? The boys were safe and they were all that mattered.’

‘Didn’t your husband keep a backup or store files online?’

‘Real people with real reputations were involved in Geoff’s investigations, so he was careful about where he stored his research. He had a pen drive that he kept in his jacket pocket and a laptop that he kept mainly at home. If he’d stored his research on the newspaper server his editor could have accessed it, but Geoff didn’t consider that secure enough.’ Sarah Frei rolled her eyes. ‘It’s lost. All of it.’

‘Did your husband say anything about the whistle-blower, anything that might help to identify them?’

‘Like I told you, Geoff was always anxious not to expose his sources, even to me. But he was at the angry point in the investigation. The doing-it-in-sorrow-rather-than-anger stage would have come next. He told me that the people he was investigating thought they could apply a scale to suffering, as if life was an accounts ledger and relieving the pain of one group offset inflicting it on another.’ She shrugged. ‘Geoff loved being a journalist but I’m not sure it was the best job for him. He felt things too deeply. He’d had a couple of episodes of depression, not so bad that he was hospitalised, but bad enough. I felt it was my responsibility to protect him from that.’ She took another drag at her cigarette, smoking it down to the nub, like a homeless person unsure of where their next fag would come from. ‘I’m afraid I didn’t make a very good job of things that night. I tried to add a sense of proportion by pointing out that it was just what happened everywhere: big companies destroying the environment, or exploiting their workforce, then trying to make themselves look good by sponsoring some sexy charity. I made a bad joke about how it was essential that the charity be sexy – after all, no one wants a logo highlighting victims of anal fissures on their product. Geoff lost his temper and shouted at me. It was unlike him.’

‘What do you think he meant about scales of suffering?’

The child stirred in Sarah Frei’s lap and she stroked his head again.

‘I’m not sure. I got the impression it wasn’t simply whatever the people involved had done that had infuriated him, but some warped morality that they’d used to justify it.’ She dropped the cigarette on the ground and crushed it beneath the toe of her sneaker, even though it was already dead. ‘We need to go.’

‘One last quick question, please.’ Stevie held up the photograph again and pointed to Simon, Buchanan and Ahumibe.

‘Do you recognise any of these men?’

‘They’re not men, they’re boys.’ Something caught Sarah Frei’s attention and she leant in closer, putting her arms around her son to stop him rolling from her lap. ‘Is that John Ahumibe?’

‘Yes.’

‘He was the only person from school that Geoff kept up with. They weren’t close – the occasional drink, the odd exchange of emails – they were both busy, but they touched base from time to time.’ She looked at Stevie. ‘Geoff said the whistle-blower was someone he’d known at school, but I got the impression that it was someone he hadn’t seen for a long time. It never even occurred to me to ask if it was John. Was it him?’

‘I don’t know.’ Stevie pressed her finger beneath the young faces of Simon and Buchanan. ‘What about the other two?’

‘It’s hard to be certain, but I don’t think I met either of them. Like I said, schooldays weren’t the happiest days of Geoff’s life. Are they the people Geoff was investigating?’

‘I think so.’

‘Including John Ahumibe?’

‘Yes.’

‘Who are the others?’

‘One of them was my boyfriend.’ Stevie stroked the face of the youth that had been Simon. ‘The other was their colleague, Alexander Buchanan.’

‘Was your boyfriend involved?’

‘Maybe. I don’t know. But if he was, I think he was doing his best to fix it when he died.’

‘Would you still think that if you hadn’t been in love with him?’

It was on the tip of Stevie’s tongue to say that she hadn’t been in love with Simon, but she whispered, ‘I don’t know.’

Sarah Frei blew on her son’s face, gently wakening him. He grumbled and turned away and she whispered, ‘Time to go now, Monkey.’ She looked at Stevie. ‘If you’d told me a week ago that Geoff had been murdered, I wouldn’t have rested until I’d found his killer, but things have changed. I still care, I care deeply, but the new priority is to stay alive. We’re leaving London until this virus or whatever it is burns itself out. You should do the same.’

‘There’s someone I need to check on first.’