Louise Welsh - Death is a Welcome Guest

Magnus said, ‘There must be millions of places like this. How can you still believe in God?’

Jacob stopped walking and turned to face him. ‘The reason I had decided to leave the army was that I could feel my faith deserting me. Annie said that she could see it in my face. She said my eyes had changed, grown harder, like bits of broken glass.’ He smiled. ‘Annie wrote poetry. I don’t know if it was any good or not, but it spoke to me.’

‘And now?’ Magnus asked.

‘And now?’ The priest raised his eyebrows.

‘Has your faith deserted you?’

‘The sweats renewed my faith. This disaster wasn’t God’s doing, it was man-made. God has given some of us the chance to live. He saved us and however sad we feel we owe it to Him to make a go of things.’ Jacob smiled at Magnus. ‘I know you don’t agree with me. But you may come to in time.’

‘Perhaps,’ Magnus said, but he knew that the priest was wrong. If God existed then the devil did too and it seemed that he had the upper hand.

They watched the sheds burn from a distance, but they could still hear the crackle and spit of the flames and smell the spoiled barbecue rot of burning cattle. The cows had been swollen with gas and once the fire took hold there were small explosions. Magnus began to worry that they had made a miscalculation and that the surrounding fields would go up too, but the cattle sheds had been set far back from them on tarmacadam paths.

The byres on his parents’ croft had been close to grazing fields, the livestock turned out on to grass as soon as the weather allowed.

‘They never saw the sun,’ Magnus said. ‘The cattle were kept inside until it was time for them to be sent to slaughter.’

‘We grew too big.’ Jacob spoke as if he were reaching the conclusion of a long sermon. ‘But we have a chance to learn from our mistakes.’

‘No.’ Magnus’s own certainty surprised him. ‘Isn’t that one of the things your Bible tells us? We’re greedy, overreaching idiots who are destined to destroy ourselves over and over again.’

Belle and Will were waiting by the truck, Belle cradling something in her arms. Will said, ‘I was going to come and look for you, but Belle was feeling sick and I didn’t want to leave her.’

‘It’s that smell.’ Belle had wrapped a shawl around her, though the afternoon was still hot. Whatever she was holding shifted beneath the fabric.

Jacob said, ‘There were barns full of dead cattle. We thought burning them might help stop infection spreading.’

Will gave a snort. ‘Then you should burn the world.’

Belle’s shawl slipped, revealing two squirming bundles of fur. She threw Jacob a disgusted look. ‘She was protecting her puppies.’

Magnus said, ‘Jacob killed the dog for a reason…’

The priest put a hand on his arm. ‘It’s okay.’ He looked at the girl. ‘I hope you’ll forgive me.’

Belle climbed on to the trailer without answering and Will jumped up after her. Magnus reached in to stroke one of the wriggling balls of fluff. The puppy bit him on the hand, not quite hard enough to draw blood. He pulled it away quickly. They were old enough to be weaned, he realised, old enough to eat flesh. He was about to get into the cab, but the priest touched his arm.

‘We didn’t check the outhouses on the other side.’

The smoke was making Magnus feel uneasy. It was okay for the priest to say that he wanted people to see his community working and join it, but so far all he had done was light a fire that could be seen from miles around.

‘There will be other places with combine harvesters. I think we should get going.’

But the priest was already walking across the yard.

Belle said, ‘Let’s go without him.’

‘Jacob has the van keys.’ Will’s ugly face was blank, his voice flat, but Magnus sensed the anger coiled inside him.

‘So let’s take another one,’ Belle whispered. Her voice was edged with panic, as if she too were worried about the fire’s crowd-drawing potential. ‘This place is full of abandoned vehicles.’

It was as if Will had not heard her. He picked up his shotgun, jumped out of the trailer and followed Jacob across the yard, his footsteps scrunching quick and resolute against the gravel. Magnus saw Will’s free hand clench into a fist and ran after him.

‘For fuck’s sake!’ Belle shouted.

Magnus heard the truck’s tailgate slam and the girl’s swift footsteps behind him. Jacob had reached the sheds. He slid a door open and went inside. Will stepped into a trot. Magnus was running full pelt now, but the other man’s legs were longer and he had a head start. Jacob had seemed not to notice he was being pursued, but he was a soldier, with a soldier’s training and Magnus imagined him waiting on the other side of the door, his gun ready.

‘Wait,’ Magnus shouted. He felt sick with anticipation. Will followed Jacob into the shed and slammed the door behind him. Magnus faltered to a halt.

‘Aren’t you going to do anything?’ Belle was beside him.

‘We’re too late.’ Magnus’s words came between gasps of breath.

‘You’re a fucking coward.’ Belle still had the puppies shawled in her arms. She hugged them to her and ran awkwardly towards the outhouses before Magnus could stop her. No shot sounded and after a moment he followed her.

The darkness of the barn was almost blinding after the bright sunshine. The two men appeared like black shadows, side by side, facing away from him in the dimness. Belle came towards Magnus, pale and ghostly. He asked, ‘What’s going on?’ but she ignored him and went outside, whispering softly to the dogs cradled in her arms as if they were in need of comforting. Magnus drew closer and saw that Will and Jacob were standing over the body of a man. He had been dead for some time, Magnus guessed, but it was not the sweats that had killed him. Blood from deep cuts on the man’s wrists coated his legs and belly. A gash yawned on his neck and a black bib crusted across his chest. Before the sweats Magnus had only seen two dead bodies, but now this was nothing to stare at.

Will said, ‘It’s Henry, he was with us for a while.’

Jacob passed the other man the keys to the van without looking at him. ‘You and Belle should go back to base.’ He was staring at the body as if something about it fascinated him. ‘Magnus and I will take care of Henry. We owe him that much.’

It was in Magnus’s mind to say that he was not one of Jacob’s soldiers to be ordered around. He had never known Henry and owed him no more than the cattle they had burned, but then the priest’s eyes met his and he caught an expression in them that might have been fear or a warning.

‘She liked Henry. She’ll be upset.’ Whatever Will had been on the verge of doing was forgotten. He took the keys and left the barn.

Jacob waited until the sound of Will’s footsteps had faded and the truck’s engine gunned into life, then he hunched down beside the body.

‘What do you make of this?’ He touched dead Henry’s wrists with the tip of his gun barrel.

Magnus squatted next to him. ‘Things got too much for him and he cut his wrists.’

‘Look properly and tell me what you see.’ The priest lifted one wrist, then the other with his gun.

‘Two deep cuts on each wrist, one crossed over the other like an X. He meant to do it.’

‘And this?’ Jacob let Henry’s slaughtered arm drop and traced the gun along a dark bruise, striped above the wound like a bracelet. ‘There’s a matching one on the other wrist.’

‘I don’t know.’ Magnus leaned forward to get a closer look. Each death had its own particular scent. Henry’s smelled of freshly spread fields and iron. ‘Perhaps it’s something that happens when you cut your wrists like that.’