Louise Welsh - Death is a Welcome Guest

The ballroom was large, with picture windows and a parquet floor. It had been a prettified marketplace, where daughters and sons of the rich were paraded and paired off in time to a band. Now the chandeliers that had graced the ceiling were gone. The room’s only decorations were a suffering Christ and the Stations of the Cross. From where he was sitting Magnus could see Jesus being nailed up.

Will acted as altar boy, still dressed in his gardening clothes, but ringing bells and swinging a censer of sweet-smelling smoke and incense with casual confidence that suggested he was not new to the task. His face was blank and it was impossible to know if the duty brought him comfort, or if he was merely going through the motions to please the old man. Perhaps they were all dolls in Wingate’s playhouse, puppeting through a semblance of a life because their real lives were over.

Jacob stepped up to deliver the lesson dressed in the same combination of army fatigues and dog collar he had been wearing when they met. He set his Bible on the lectern and rested his fingers lightly on its black cover.

‘I had the privilege of serving in Bosnia during their civil war. It was a painful conflict, as all wars are. During one particularly savage battle, my troop and I took shelter in a bombed-out factory. It had manufactured tin boxes. One of the many strange aspects of war is the way inconsequential objects often survive, while other, stronger, more important things are ruined. Metal boxes were scattered everywhere around the factory floor, but the people who worked there were either dead or had fled.

‘The glass windows of the factory had been blown out and as we sat there, steeling ourselves for the next round of fighting, a tiny bird swooped in through a window. It flew across the large cathedral-like space of the factory floor and disappeared through a rupture in the opposite wall. I realised then that we are like that bird. We appear on earth for a little while; but of what went before this life or of what follows, we know nothing.’

Prayers were said for Henry, wherever he might be, but Melody went unmentioned. Magnus wondered if her suicide had put her beyond the reach of the Church, or if she was now ranked among the amorphous dead, too numerous to warrant individual pleading.

When the service was over, Jacob and Father Wingate stood at the door to the ballroom, shaking hands with each of the small congregation as they left. Raisha was the first to go. Magnus slipped in front of Will, keen to catch her, but Father Wingate took hold of his arm and stayed him in the doorway.

‘I know you are eager to leave us, but we have a favour to ask.’

Magnus caught Jacob’s eye and knew that the soldier was calling in his debt.

‘Don’t worry.’ Jacob put a hand on Magnus’s shoulder. ‘We’re not about to ask for anything you’re not equipped to give.’

The priest’s words reminded Magnus of a phrase his mother had repeated in times of trouble: ‘God never burdens you with more than you can bear.’ He wondered if even she could believe that now.

Father Wingate led the way out of the ballroom, across the entrance hall and down a flight of stairs into a basement corridor. Upstairs the house retained glimpses of the stately home it had once been, but there had never been an attempt at grandeur down here. Everything was dark and meanly proportioned. Magnus recalled his granny telling him that big houses contained hidden networks of servants’ corridors and stairways, so the gentry would not have to see them going about their work. The servants had been the blood of the house, running along webs of hidden veins.

Father Wingate opened a door and ushered them into a small sitting room. ‘This used to be the butler’s pantry when I was a boy.’ The old priest’s youthful smile was at odds with his wrinkles. It added mischief to his face and Magnus was reminded of an old Shakespearean actor who had been the stalwart of Sunday dramas before becoming the unlikely star of Hollywood science-fiction blockbusters, wizened in Spandex. The memory prompted another stab of loss. All the multiplexes were empty, the hotdog and popcorn concessions silent and mouldering.

Jacob had seated himself in a winged armchair, but Father Wingate hovered uncertainly on the edge of the hearthrug, still talking.

‘Butlers are often rather magnificent creatures in literature, Jeeves and so on, but I’m afraid ours tended to be on the weaselly side. That’s not very Christian, is it?’ He turned the beam of his smile on Magnus. ‘Ironic that I ended up with this room as an office. The Lord’s way of quelling my ego perhaps.’

The room was austere. A desk sat at an angle with its back to a small window to avoid whoever was working there getting distracted by the view of refuse bins. A dark-wood bookcase, dreary with devotional hardbacks, stretched across one wall. A painting of a deserted lakeside, done in tobacco hues, hung opposite it. The obligatory crucifix loomed above the fireplace, as if someone had decided to add scorching to the list of Christ’s tortures.

Magnus said, ‘I would have expected God to delegate room allocations.’

Father Wingate lowered himself into a high-backed chair that looked like it belonged at a dining table. ‘God is all-powerful.’ The priest’s boyish smile was chastened. ‘But I accept your point. My ego is not yet entirely repressed.’

‘Take a pew.’ Jacob nodded at the armchair facing his.

Magnus glanced at the old priest hunched in the straight-backed chair, still dressed in his robes. The minister in Magnus’s mother’s Kirk had worn the same dark suit to the pulpit for over thirty years. He would be buried in it, if he was buried. Magnus could feel himself beginning to despise the old priest with his frilly frocks and pretensions. The sensation felt too much like giving a fuck. Magnus said, ‘You should have this chair. It looks more comfortable.’

Father Wingate’s smile flashed again. ‘My ancient spine won’t stand it. Sadly it’s the same when it comes to bedtime. It’s been hard boards for me for some years now. I was never one for mortifying the flesh, but it seems that the flesh has decided it is time to mortify me.’

There was a trace of bygone BBC in the priest’s accent, like a not quite mended speech impediment that returned at times of stress. The mention of hard boards put Magnus in mind of a coffin and the back of his neck tingled. He took the chair.

‘Thanks for all you’ve done for me. You saved our bacon.’ He would make his goodbye to Jeb short. ‘You’ve got the makings of a good community here.’ Magnus realised that he was glad to be leaving. There was something about the place that felt wrong. ‘If I didn’t have my family to think of I’d seriously consider joining you, but I need to be on my way.’

‘I’ll get straight to the point.’ Jacob leaned forward, his hands clasped. ‘The sweats have wiped out centuries of culture, learning and technology. Those of us who are left are still in shock, but we don’t have time to dwell on our grief. We need to assure our survival.’

It was an echo of what Belle had said in the room upstairs and Magnus wondered if he was about to receive a speech Jacob gave all his converts.

Father Wingate said, ‘The good Lord will—’

Jacob nodded impatiently. ‘The good Lord has set us a challenge. We need to meet it.’ He turned his stare on Magnus. ‘We want to create a community here—’

Magnus cut through his words. ‘It’s like I said, I can’t join you…’

Jacob shook his head. ‘We don’t want to interfere with your search for your family.’ There was a world unsaid, the slim chance of Magnus making it to Orkney, the slimmer possibility of finding his family alive. ‘But we have all been through…’ Jacob paused as if seeking the right words. It was a showman’s gesture, Magnus decided, one priests were probably taught in the seminary immediately before being instructed on how to angle the collection plate to the best advantage. ‘… an incredible trauma…’