Michele Forbes - Ghost Moth

“You’re a great fella!” says Nanny Anna, watching him. “Now darlings, we’d better get ourselves organized and get ready. I’ll check how Maureen and Elizabeth are getting on upstairs.”

There is a knock at the door again.

“More flowers!” Nanny Anna adjusts her pinafore and goes to answer the door. Elsa follows her and stands at the doorway of the kitchen, looking down the hall. When Nanny Anna opens the door, there is a man, perhaps in his early fifties, of medium height, and wearing glasses, standing before her holding a piece of paper in his hand. His hair, graying at the temples, is brushed neatly back from his forehead. It is as though Nanny Anna has startled him slightly on opening the door, perhaps a little too quickly, as his lips are curled in anticipation of what he has to say. Although he appears grave, his face breaks into a broad smile.

“Have I got the right house?” he says.

Nanny Anna looks at him and replies simply, “I don’t know.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m looking for Mrs. Fallon, Katherine Fallon. I’m an old friend of hers. She’s Bedford now, of course,” he adds correcting himself quickly. “I know she lives on this street. I’m sure I have the right house.”

Nanny Anna cannot believe how awful the man’s timing is. So fresh in her own grief, she does not know what to say. After a moment, she asks the man to step inside the house.

Elsa watches Nanny Anna and the stranger standing in the hallway. She looks at the two of them silhouetted against the glass of the front door. She cannot make out what they are saying to each other, as they are speaking in such low tones. The man had appeared animated at first, but now his movements are smaller and slower. Elsa now sees the man lower his head and put his hands up to his face. Nanny Anna is still talking. Elsa sees the man’s shoulders shaking and then she hears a strange high bubble of sound. The man is crying. She has never seen a man cry before. She wonders who he is. Nanny Anna has placed one hand over her mouth. Elsa moves a little closer to Nanny Anna and the stranger.

“I am so sorry,” the man says to Nanny Anna between sobs “Oh, I am so, so sorry.” He takes out a handkerchief from his pocket and, lifting up his spectacles, wipes his face roughly and then blows his nose. He makes a sound like a cow anxious to be milked.

“And now that I look around me. . what with the flowers and all. . and the blinds are half-pulled. . but I didn’t. . I. .” Here he sucks at the air sharply. “I only came with some details about mutual friends of ours. . When I met her last, only four, five months ago. My name is Charlie Copeland.” He is shaking his head in disbelief. “I have names and addresses here. I thought she might like to know.” Charlie Copeland raises the envelope that he has been holding in the air and then lets his arm fall like a hammer. “And I brought her a calendar, too.” With this he gasps a little at the inanity of his gift, “I make. . calendars you see. . but it’s of no consequence. . no consequence.” His voice trails off into nothing.

Charlie Copeland stands like a man at the edge of a cliff, looking downward, slightly stooped, shaking his head at what he sees washed up on the rocks below him. He cannot believe that Katherine is dead. He cannot take it in. He does not know what to do with the envelope and the calendar in his hand. They are an embarrassment to him now. His hand is shaking. He does not know whether it is more inconsiderate to take them with him or to leave them behind. Either way, it now feels pathetic. Charlie Copeland awkwardly places the envelope and the calendar on the hall table.

“Ach, my God, my God” is all he can say.

Nanny Anna and Charlie Copeland stand quietly together in the hall for some moments. Nanny Anna then offers him a cup of tea. Charlie Copeland takes Nanny Anna’s hand and squeezes it, shaking his head as a “No, thank you.” Charlie Copeland then quietly says good-bye and moves slowly through the front door.

Elsa runs to the door to watch Charlie Copeland walk down her driveway. She remembers now that he is the man they saw at the pantomime, the man who played the wicked old woman. Charlie is lifting his spectacles and rubbing his face with his handkerchief again. He wears a bright canary yellow jacket with broad orange stripes, and parrot green trousers. But then, his is a surprise grief.

As she comes back through the hallway, Elsa sees Charlie Copeland’s envelope and calendar lying on the table. She lifts the envelope and, seeing that it hasn’t been sealed, opens it. Inside there is a letter and a newspaper clipping. The letter, written in an irregular hand, begins, “My dear Katherine. So wonderful to see you again. You haven’t changed a bit. I hope you don’t mind my saying, but I always had a soft spot for you.” At the bottom of the letter, there is a list of names and addresses: “Hugh Drummond, Rosemary Wylie, James McCauley.” The letter ends with an invitation to a reunion at the Grand Central Hotel in Royal Avenue at the end of March. She sees that Charlie has signed the letter with what looks like a small heart above the i in his first name. She opens the newspaper clipping that accompanies the letter. The headline reads A CAPTIVATING CARMEN. Underneath the headline is a photograph of a group of people in costumes, in the center of which stands a woman wearing a dress that spreads out so elaborately around her that it looks as though it goes on forever. And under the photograph it reads “The Rutherford Musical & Dramatic Society present a tale of passion and despair in this tragic, romantic melodrama. Carmen, a young woman not careful with her love. . ” Elsa is immediately drawn back to the photograph again and realizes that the woman in the center is her mother. Her mother links the arm of the man beside her as though they are married. She has a haughty look about her, as though she owns a secret. Her hair is pinned up. Her head is held at a defiant tilt.

Nanny Anna calls Elsa from the kitchen. A sandwich and a glass of milk are ready for her. Elsa stuffs the newspaper clipping and letter back into the envelope and places it back onto the hall table. As she turns from the table, she notices that Charlie Copeland has marked “Reunion at the Grand Central Hotel. See you there, Carmen!” in tiny handwriting on the calendar.

The coffin had been slow to move out of the house. And people had hovered around it silently, so silently. And all the people dressed in black had looked like little figurines, all moving together, as though stuck to one another. Elsa watches the black bits of people now through the back window of the black car. The black car follows the hearse. The people follow the black car. Inside the black car, the smell of the new leather seats intensifies as the car heater is switched on. Elsa sits in the backseat of the car beside Maureen and Elizabeth. Nanny Anna sits in the seat in front of them with Stephen on her lap. Their father walks with the people behind the black car. Elsa has never seen him look as sad as this. Tears are rolling down his face and dissolving him, spilling themselves upon his skin and burning him. After never having seen a man crying before, now she has seen two in one day.

Everyone in the car is quiet, even Stephen. He is unaccustomed to his new look. His hair has been brushed and tidied and he wears a little navy jacket and a pair of navy trousers. Elsa thinks he looks sweet and a little bit funny. He keeps kicking his shoes off. They are a too big for him and he doesn’t like them.

“Now, darling,” Nanny Anna says reaching for his shoe on the floor of the car, “you’ve got to keep your shoes on.”

“Here, Nanny” Elsa leans over the seat to get Stephen’s shoe. “I’ll put it on him.” She tickles Stephen’s toes before she slips his shoe back on. “Your toes’ll get cold, silly.”