Leila Chudori - Home

After my burial, think long about whether after your graduation you want to return to Jakarta or to stay in Paris. I force no choice on you. Both Paris and Jakarta are your home and each place has special meaning for you. Wherever you choose to be, you will be close with one part of yourself: with Maman in Paris and with me in Karet cemetery in Jakarta.

Uh-oh… I just heard a bell, which means I must get back to planning some way of tricking my steel-jawed nurse.

“Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream?” John Keats provides the perfect closure for this letter. My death, Lintang, will be but a moment of sleep for me, because when I awake, I will meet you.

Lintang, you gave life to my life and even after I die, you will continue to live in me.

Your loving father,

Dimas Suryo

In Karet, even in Karet (my future abode), the cold wind comes… In the end, Ayah did come home, to Karet, to finally reunite with the soil that he said had a different scent from the earth in the Cimetière du Père Lachaise. The soil of Karet. The land he was destined to come home to.

At the head of his grave, weighted with commemorative floral arrangements, was a plain wooden marker on which Om Nug had written in a simple hand:

For a life full of charm and beauty

For the wanderer now gone forever

For Dimas Suryo: 1930–1998

It was the same image that came to my mind and haunted me the night before I left Paris. It was the image of my father’s pending death, the knowledge of which he had persisted in keeping from me.

As my father predicted, Tante Surti, Kenanga, and Bulan scattered jasmine flowers on his grave. Maman sprinkled cloves. Om Aji led the congregation in prayers that sounded to me like music. Tante Retno, Andini, and Rama also scattered jasmine flowers and rose petals too. My father’s friend, Bang Amir, and his wife were there. I watched him as he cried silently before the grave. He said a prayer, then covered his face with his hands.

Om Nug and Om Tjai, who represented the larger community of Indonesian exiles in Paris and elsewhere, each gave testimonial speeches. Om Risjaf was too sad to speak; he stood at my left side with a harmonica in his hand, tears falling nonstop from his eyes until finally I took his hand and squeezed it tightly. Pointing with my other hand to the far end of the grave, I whispered: “Look, can you see? Ayah is sitting there laughing at us.” Unable to appreciate my dark humor, he cried all the more. Oh, my father was always right in his predictions.

In the distance I could see Alam seated by himself beneath a frangipani tree. His eyes were on me constantly, centered on me alone, binding me with him. Behind me was Narayana. You’re right, Ayah. It would be much easier not to choose and to pretend there were no consequences. But, as you said, to choose requires courage; it is what one must do.

As other mourners said their goodbyes and began to leave Karet cemetery, we continued sitting there listening to Om Risjaf play “Take Me Home, Country Road” in a tempo so slow it seemed to shred the red twilight sky. He played with his eyes closed but tears still issued from his eyelids and he would not allow anyone to approach. I could hear Ayah humming along with Maman, who was singing the song. And then, in the distance, I saw a man of about fifty walking through the cemetery with a girl of about seven years. They were holding each other’s hands. Softly, I heard the father tell his daughter about an episode in the Mahabharata. I heard the name “Bima” and then “Ekalaya.” After that, I listened as the little girl pestered the man with questions, sometimes in French, sometimes in Indonesian.

The gloaming came slowly, as if giving us a little extra time to spend with Ayah before complete darkness fell. I didn’t know whether I was in Père Lachaise or Karet. But I could see Ayah smiling in the distance, happy to be home and for all of us to be with him.

SOURCES OF LITERARY QUOTES

APIN, RIVAI. Excerpt from his poem “Elegy” (Elegi) in the chapter “Surti Anandari” from Tiga Menguak Takdir by Chairil Anwar Asrul Sani and Rivai Apin. Jakarta: Balai Pustaka, 1958. (All translations from the Indonesian, both here and elsewhere, by John H. McGlynn.)

AUDEN, W.H. Excerpt from “On Installing an American Kitchen in Lower Austria” in the chapter “The Four Pillars” from The Table Comes First by Adam Gopnik New York: Knopf, 2011.

BYRON, LORD. Excerpt from “She Walks in Beauty” in the chapter “Surti Anandari” from Lord Byron: An Anthology by George Gordon Byron. Jarod Publishing, 1993.

DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY, ANTOINE. Quotes from The Little Prince in the chapters “Ekalaya” and “Flâneurs” from The Little Prince ( Le Petit Prince ). Harcourt Inc., 1971.

ELIOT, T.S. Excerpt from “The Burial of the Dead” in the chapter “Paris, April 1998” from The Wasteland: The Complete Poems and Plays. Faber and Faber, 1969.

JOYCE, JAMES. Excerpt from A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man in the chapter “Hananto Prawiro” from A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man . Dover Publications, 1994.

KEATS, JOHN. Excerpt from “Bright Star Would I Were Steadfast as Thou Art” in the chapter “Surti Anandari” from John Keats: Selected Poems. New Jersey: Gramercy Books, 1993.

MENON, RAMESH. Interpretation of the story of Ekalaya in the chapter “Ekalaya” from The Mahabharata: A Modern Rendering. New Delhi: Rupa & Co., 2004.

MOHAMAD, GOENAWAN. Excerpt from “Foreword” in the chapter L’irréparable from Goenawan Mohamad: Selected Poems, Laksmi Pamuntjak, ed. Jakarta: Lontar, 2004.

SASTROWARDOYO, SUBAGIO. Excerpt from “And Death Grows More Intimate” (Kematian Makin Akrab) in the chapter “l’Irréparable” from Kematian Makin Akrab. Jakarta: Grasindo, 1995.

SASTROWARDOYO, SUBAGIO. Excerpt from “The Poem that Never Dies” (Sajak yang tak Pernah Mati) in “Epilogue” from Kematian Makin Akrab. Jakarta: Grasindo, 1995.

SITUMORANG, SITOR. Description of “The Prodigal Son” (Si Anak Hilang) in the chapter “Paris, April 1998” from Sitor Situmorang: Kumpulan Sajak 1980–2005. Jakarta: Komunitas Bambu, 2006.

REFERENCE MATERIALS

AIDIT, SOBRON. Melawan dengan Restoran . Jakarta: Mediakita and Penerbit Kukusan, 2007.

ALAM, IBARRURI PUTRI. Ibarruri Putri Alam (a biographical novel). Jakarta: Hasta Mitra, 2006.

CASEVECCHIE, JANINE. Mai 68, en Photos. Collection Roger-Viollet, Editions du Chene — Hachette Livre, 2008.

HEMINGWAY, ERNEST. A Moveable Feast: The Restored Edition. London: Arrow Books, 2011.

ISA, IBRAHIM. Bui tanpa Jerajak Besi. Jakarta: Klik Books, 2011.

JUSUF, ESTER; SITOMPUL, HOTMA; ET AL. Kerusuhan Mei 1998, Fakta, Data dan Analisa . Jakarta: Solidaritas Nusa Bangsa, 2008.

KUSNI, J.J. Membela Martabata Diri dan Indonesia, Koperasi Restoran Indonesia di Paris. Yogyakarta: Penerbit Ombak, 2005.

LUBIS, FIRMAN. Jakarta 1960an, Kenangan Semasa Mahasiswa. Jakarta: Masup Jakarta, 2008.

LUHULIMA, JAMES. Hari-hari Terpanjang: Menjelang Mundurnya Presiden Soeharto. Jakarta: penerbit buku kompas, 2001.

MCGLYNN, JOHN AND A. KOHAR EBRAHIM, eds. Menagerie 6. Jakarta: Lontar, 2004.

REICHL, RUTH, ed. Remembrance of Things Paris. New York: Condé Nast Publications, 2004.

ROOSA, JOHN. Dalih Pembunuhan Massal yang Terlupakan: Gerakan 30 September dan Kudeta Suharto. Jakarta: Institut Sejarah Sosial Indonesia and Hasta Mitra, 2008.