Mark Dunn - We Five

Holborne laughed whilst interlocking his large arms across his expansive chest. The picture was one of near Michelangelic statuary (beclothed, of course). “So, Catts, you have yet to set forth the rules of the game to the others, and already at least one of them has selected his victim.”

Castle cocked his head and looked queerly at Catts. “You’ve discussed the game with Holborne before the rest of us? What entitles our esteemed Norseman to this especial privilege?”

Catts shrugged. “I sought to put it to at least one of you in embryo to see if it was a proposition worthy of pursuit.”

“And what, pray, was the all-wise Holborne’s verdict?” asked Castle, grinning curiously. “Did it meet with his approval?”

Holborne grinned as well. “It did, sir. It did indeed. And it will meet with yours, depend on it. But let us suspend here, gentlemen. The scheme is too precarious at this early juncture to be exposed in such a public place as this.” He turned to Catts. “Where is Miss Higgins? Do I take this as a sign that your opening gambit has been inadvertently checked?”

“Alas, it was all too good to be true,” concurred Castle with a comically theatrical sigh, “ whatever the gambit was.”

“Patience, gentlemen,” said Catts. “And do not fear. Miss Higgins is but momentarily delayed. Return to your book, Pardlow. And as for you, Master Harrison, feel free to proceed with your wonted woolgathering. Let no one disturb you.”

“What is that you say?” asked Harrison, shaken from a reverie.

Castle laughed heartily. “Paddy, my boy, have you been deaf to every word spoken here this morning?”

Pat Harrison’s face became a vacancy. “I was watching the shaping of the clouds. See the one just overhead? Don’t it resemble a fluffy white rabbit? Can you not make out its floppy ears?”

Castle could not contain his mirth. “And here are your ears—” He pinched at both of Harrison’s ears, as the latter emitted a boyish yelp. “And if there is aught betwixt them but sawdust, I’ll play the monkey for the next fortnight.”

“And how should that be any different from your present simian-like behaviour?” mumbled Pardlow without raising his eyes from his book.

Catts whistled to summon the attention of his mill-mates. Then he pointed in the direction of the dressmaker’s shop. “Lord love her! Miss Higgins now appears.”

Jane Higgins did not present herself in the shop window as had been arranged, but came instead to the street door, where she now stood upon its threshold. However, rather than signing anything to Catts from that spot, she began to walk toward him and the other men, who sate and stood in a picture of slovenliness and slouch on the opposing side of the lane. However, it took no more than five or six steps before Catts straightened himself to full erection, and the ever-courteous Pardlow scrambled quickly to his feet and sleeked down his hair with his free palm in an effort to make himself more presentable. In contrast, their three companions did nothing with themselves whatsoever. In fact, Castle shrunk a little more upon the bench in bodily contempt for the young woman who deserved no especial treatment in his estimation, given her far-from-prepossessing features.

“Good morning, gentlemen,” said Jane in pleasant but formal tones, and in spite of the imbalanced reception. “How are things at the mill? I see that all your fingers and noses remain intact, so that is a blessing, eh?”

Pardlow nodded his approval of Jane’s wit.

“My dear Miss Higgins,” said Catts, “you have completely forgotten the terms of our agreement. You were simply to sign acceptance of the proposal. It wasn’t necessary for you to—”

“But my dear Mr. Pussy — pardon me, Mr. Catts —”

Here, Pardlow dropped his book in shock to hear a woman speak with such easy frivolity.

“—I have not raised the matter with my sisters, for there are still three of us who have yet to arrive this morning.”

“Nothing serious detains them, I trust,” said Catts, with the requisite lineaments of concern.

Jane shook her head. “It is nothing with which you gentlemen need trouble yourselves. There is , however, a matter at hand which demands an immediate resolution. Miss Barton and Miss Osborne have tramped off into the woods for the purpose of effecting an amicable agreement, with Miss Hale as mediatrix. Mrs. Colthurst has received word that she is not to expect them until early this after noon. At such time, I will communicate your proposal of a Sunday outing. I shared your invitation with Miss Thrasher a short time ago. She is opposed to un-chaperoned picnics as a matter of principle and refuses to come along without strict attendance to propriety.”

“Meaning which thing?” sought Castle. “That we are to be one chit short for our woodsy romp or that we must endure the odious presence of chaperons?”

“The latter, of course. We Five are never only We Four, unless it cannot be helped. And such an instance has never before occurred. What is your name?”

“Jerry Castle.”

“Mr. Catts didn’t give me all your names. I know you only as faces that gape and gawk at us when we come out for our morning stroll, as if we are prizes at the county fair.”

“Prizes at the fair, oho!” bleated Pardlow.

“And you are—?”

“Cain Pardlow, madam.” The reply was accompanied by the respectful suggestion of a bow.

“Like Cain of the Bible, who killed his brother?”

“Yes, Miss Higgins. For it is said I killed my own twin brother in the womb.”

“It is also said,” offered Castle with a mischievous gleam, “that it was the wrong brother what popped off.” This statement was greeted with immodest laughter by all the men save Cain, who lowered at Castle. Even Catts could not contain his dark delight over the remark, though he made an earnest effort to conceal it.

Jane shook her head with disrelish. “If this is a demonstration of the level of respect with which the five of you uphold one another, I should think my sisters and I would do better to have naught to do with the whole lot of you.”

Holborne bounded to his feet. “We are not at all as you perceive us, Miss Higgins.” Surlily addressing the two men still residing upon the bench on either side of him: “To your feet, boobies. Can’t you see there’s a lady present?”

As Castle and Harrison were reluctantly accommodating their friend’s husky-voiced directive, Holborne exchanged a glance with Catts. The latter placed a finger aside his nose, the gesture going unobserved by Jane.

“Madam,” said Catts, “I give you the undeniably disreputable but occasionally charming Messrs. Holborne and Harrison. And now you know us all, and I would ask that you extend our invitation to your ‘sisters’ when at last the contingent should appear, and perhaps you will let us know your answer at this hour on the morrow.”

Jane nodded. “And you are amenable to our request for chaperons?”

“If such a thing is absolutely necessary.”

“It is , Mr. Catts. Otherwise, Miss Thrasher will refuse to come along.” Jane tossed a glance at Pardlow. “And I think you should like Miss Thrasher, Mr. Pardlow. She also very much loves to read.”

Pardlow nodded and smiled. He coloured a bit, as well, to have his favourite pastime so deferentially acknowledged.

“We shall bring along Mrs. Colthurst on our side,” Jane went on. “And you gentlemen must find a man of impeccable character to accompany the five of you. ”

Castle roared merrily. “ We ? Know of a gentleman of ‘impeccable character’? Whoo! I dare say we’ll be hard put to conjure up a man of even middling character. I put it to you, Miss Higgins, that we are lowly millworkers and haymakers who do not generally fraternise with men not of our own ilk.”