Hanif Kureishi - Collected Stories

‘They don’t know where I am. They’re not speaking to me. When they get older, if they behave themselves, I’ll get them new bodies as birthday presents.’

‘They’ll want that?’

‘Those crazy kids’ll totally love it. They’ve been in bands and clinics and stuff. They get exhausted — you know, the lifestyle. This way they can carry on. I’m holding off telling them because I know they’re gonna want to get off to a new start right away.’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘If they haven’t suffered enough, they’re not gonna appreciate it. This isn’t for everybody.’

I didn’t want to listen to him, or argue any more. As with Ralph Hamlet, I found the encounter disturbing. Matte and I were both mutants, freaks, human unhumans — a fact I could at least forget when I was with real people, those with death in them.

I said, ‘I need to see where Patricia is.’

For a moment I thought he wouldn’t let me go. But what could he do? He was thinking hard though. Then we shook hands. ‘There’s plenty of women here who would be attracted to you,’ he said. ‘Take who you want.’

‘Thanks.’

‘You must think more seriously about the body sale.’ He gave me his card and looked me up and down once more. ‘I’m your man — first in line with a bag of cash. Look after yourself.’

I knew he was watching me walk away.

I went outside. The moon and stars were bright; the air was warm. On the deck, most of the guests had gathered and were dancing wildly, yelling and whistling. The female Newbody I’d met earlier was performing: kicking out, swaying and singing in front of a guitarist and keyboard player, encouraging us to worship her as she worshipped herself.

I asked someone, ‘What’s she called?’

‘Miss Reborn,’ I was told.

When I touched Patricia on the shoulder, she took me in her arms. ‘I looked for you everywhere.’

‘Matte and I were talking.’

‘He wanted your opinion on things, eh?’ she said with unnecessary sarcasm.

‘I can’t say I learned a lot about him.’

‘Why not?’ she said. ‘Up here, I’ve been following the rumours and fantasies. His family are wealthy, that’s for sure.’

‘Is that all?’

‘Kiss me.’ I did so. She said, ‘His beloved brother, who is much older than him, is dying, apparently, from an incurable disease.’

‘His brother?’

‘Dying painfully — on this boat, in a sealed cabin, they say.’

‘Really?’

‘He is yards from us, as we frolic here.’ I recalled the two men guarding a door. ‘That’s made you think.’

‘Why don’t we dance while there’s time? I can’t believe that singer. Look at her move.’

‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘Why didn’t you suggest we dance earlier?’

‘It’s not too late.’

‘You little liar, you weren’t talking to Matte at all,’ she said. ‘You were fucking. You’re all cock. How many were there?’

‘Too many to mention.’

‘I know that if you and I are to be together it’s something I’m going to have to live with.’

‘That’s right.’

Her head was on my shoulder. While we danced, I could think over what Matte had said. It wasn’t difficult to see why he wanted my body for his brother. But why didn’t he go and buy one, as I had? That was what I didn’t understand — why he was so keen on me.

I tried to forget about it. I began to enjoy dancing with Patricia, holding and kissing her, examining the folds and creases of her old neck and full arms, the excess flesh of her living body, and holding her mottled hands. I thought about something he’d said, ‘Who wants a lot of Oldbodies hanging about the world? They’re ugly and expensive to maintain. Soon, they’ll be irrelevant.’

Yet there was something in her I didn’t want to let go of. Her body and soul were one, she was ‘real’, but how could such a notion count against immortality?

Matte had filled me with anxiety and foreboding. I wasn’t aware of how long Patricia and I danced, but I guessed the night was gone. We must have been around the islands and back to where we’d started. I’d been on that boat far too long.

Patricia had her hands inside my shirt. ‘You make me feel all slippy. I want you again. I can’t wait to have you.’

Much as I was glad to be with her, I didn’t think I could go through all that.

‘You might have to wait a bit,’ I said.

‘Why?’

‘Oh, I don’t know. I’m tired. Look,’ I said. ‘There’s plenty of men about. Young men on their own, too.’

I could see at least three or four well-built guys standing around the edge of the dance floor.

‘Tell me something,’ she said. I noticed a new clarity in her eyes. ‘You won’t tell me the truth, I know that. But I’ll know anyway. Does touching me, kissing me, licking me … is it something you’d rather not do? Does my body disgust you?’

Her physical presence, her body, didn’t repel me, in fact. My sister had been a nurse. She’d taught me not to find bodies repellent, only the people inside them. It was Patricia’s proprietorial attitude I found difficult. While I was thinking about this, she watched me.

‘Now I know,’ she said. ‘I thought that was it. It took me a while to figure it out.’

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘What you do to me is a description of what you say men do to women, lower and humiliate them. It’s fascistic. Patricia, whatever happened to the revolution?’

She stepped back from me, as if something had exploded inside her body.

I slipped away, moving quickly now. It wasn’t her I wanted to get away from. Out of the corner of my eye I had seen Matte pointing me out to another man, who was looking to see where I was. Other men were moving towards him.

I went round to the other side of the yacht and stripped off to my pants. I tied my shoes together and stuck them down the back. I could see a few lights on the shore in the distance. Preparations were being made for disembarkation, but it would take some time. I couldn’t wait. I climbed onto the rail and dived into the sea.

I had surfaced and been swimming a few minutes when I heard voices. There were splashes behind me. Others were joining in. Why? I stopped for a moment and looked behind. By the light of the ship, I could tell that the swimmers following me didn’t resemble women from the Centre, but men from the boat. They were not stoned or drunk revellers either. They were swimming with purpose, without churning up the water. They must have been Matte’s men. They were quick and strong. So was I; and I had the advantage, just.

I ran out of the water, put on my shoes and sprinted up the beach into the village. A few bars and discos were still open. The square was full of noise and people. I could have disappeared into the crowd somewhere, but what then? Soon everyone would start to disperse. Anyhow, I didn’t want to risk running into any of my other enemies.

I hurried through the narrow alleys towards the Centre. When I got there, it was deserted, to my relief. I relaxed a little and made myself a cup of tea. I would hide out in the place until the morning. But the more I thought about it, the less safe I felt. The men following me had seemed determined. It wouldn’t have been difficult for Matte to find out where I was staying, and he was ruthless.

As I was collecting my washbag and a few other things from the roof, I thought I heard someone rattling the handle of the door in the wall. I didn’t hear any raised female voices either. Hurrying now, I picked up several items of women’s clothing, spread out on the roof to dry, and shoved them in my rucksack.

When I heard voices within the building and saw a torchlight flash, I leapt from the roof of the accommodation block to the roof of the kitchen. I jumped down the side of the building to a narrow concrete ledge below. I knew the only way out now was down the side of the hill. I wasn’t sure how steep it was exactly, but I was in no doubt that it was a stiff gradient.