Jewel Ann - Idle Bloom

Everyone gathers outside of the church on this sunny but very chilly December day to toss rose petals at the happy couple. They drive off in a Rolls Royce and the wedding party crowds into a stretch limo.

“You look amazing,” Kai says as we’re wedged so close I’m half sitting on his lap.

“Thank you,” I mumble without looking at him.

“ Kai, you look devastatingly handsome in that tailored suit and tie. ” Kai mocks in a high-pitched voice.

I don’t want to smile because I’m exhausted from faking my emotions over the past two days, but his comment elicits an involuntary one.

“What’s that? An actual smile … wow! Does this mean we can call a truce, a ceasefire for the evening?”

“I think we’ve had a ceasefire since rehearsal dinner last night. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

One of the other groomsmen pours and passes around champagne. Kai hands me a glass. “Go easy, Viv. I’d hate to have to take advantage of you later in your inebriated state.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“I’m just kidding. You used to be able to take a joke.”

“You used to be my friend.”

“Ouch.”

Ouch is right. I would never have imagined that Kai and I would not be in each other’s lives. My mistake was falling in love with him. His mistake was not letting me go. Now it feels like we’ve been ripped apart by circumstances and the wounds are too jagged and raw to ever heal and be the same again. That seems to be what’s happened with us over the past two years, physically and emotionally.

“Well, old friend , would you mind getting off my lap?” Kai says with a snarky edge as the driver opens the back door.

I gather the long skirt of my strapless metallic gold lace dress and ease my way out of the limo. The icy December breeze cuts into my bare skin as I try to keep my wrap over my shoulders. We enter the State Room and take the elevator to the most spectacular view of Boston’s skyline. A massive window wall is the backdrop to large round tables adorned with white linens, brilliant rose topiary center pieces, and twinkling candles—all covering a mahogany floor. I can’t even fathom the dollar figure behind this wedding.

“Shall we?” Kai offers his arm as we make our way to the head table.

I take it, and we follow the rest of the wedding party. There must be five hundred or more people here. I don’t think I know one percent of them. I’m definitely going to need more than the glass of champagne from the limo to stand up in front of all these strangers to give my toast.

Alex and Sean are introduced and the crowd claps and whistles as they enter the Great Room. The band begins to play while dinner is served. I’m starving but my nerves cripple my ability to eat. I look out at the sea of people hoping to find a familiar face, a go-to during my speech.

Nothing.

Maybe I’ll just look at Alex … that’s not good either. I promised her no tears, but that will never work if I’m looking at her the whole time. I wish Oliver were here. He soothes all my nerves and with just one look he gives me confidence. Missing Oliver is hard, but not knowing if or when I’ll see him again is like a slow death. The temptation to call him has been overwhelming the past several days, but I can’t. He’ll come to me when he’s ready.

God … I hope that day comes.

I didn’t write down my speech and as my turn approaches I’m starting to regret it.

“Next, we’ll hear from the maid of honor, Vivian Graham.”

I stand as I’m handed the microphone. Yep, I might pass out, definitely not enough alcohol.

“Hello.” The crowd falls silent. “A month or so ago I thought up this great speech that summarized our relationship over the past two years and it included all the reasons Sean is the luckiest guy in the world to give you his name.” Sean grins at me and kisses Alex on the cheek. “But recent events in my life have made me rethink what I wanted to say to you both, so … here it is, simply and sweet.” I take a nervous sip of my champagne then suck in a courageous breath.

“I hope every day you take each other’s breath away. I hope every kiss feels like the first but ends like the last. I hope you always see the best versions of yourselves reflected in each other’s eyes.” I look at Alex while my own emotions derail my thoughts. “But mostly, I hope you wake up every morning next to each other because there’s no place in this world you’d rather be, instead of having nowhere else to go. May you always be each other’s home.”

I raise my glass and the band starts in as applause and clinking glasses echo in the air. Alex and Sean cut the cake and have their first dance. In spite of my suggestion to skip the wedding party dance, claiming that it was unoriginal, we have it and I’m forced to once again breach my comfort zone and dance with Kai.

“Do you think we’ll ever be friends again?” he asks as the band plays “Maybe I’m Amazed .”

“I don’t know if we know how to be friends anymore.” I shrug. “Nothing lasts forever.”

“Such a cliché.” He shakes his head.

“Yeah, well, cliché seems to be the term that’s used when someone doesn’t want to admit the truth.”

“So Oliver isn’t your happily-ever-after ? You don’t want that to last forever.”

“Oliver grounds me in the moment. When I’m with him I don’t think about tomorrow or next week, and I sure don’t think about forever. I don’t try to quantify my love for him or our time together. I just want to be with him and if along the way time passes, so be it.”

“Did I not ground you?” Kai asks as the song comes to an end.

I give him a sad smile as he releases my waist. “No. I always felt like I was floating ten feet off the ground ready to fall and hoping you’d see me … hoping you’d catch me. But you never did.”

“Viv, I’m …” Kai winces and shakes his head as the power in his voice fades.

“Kai?”

He gives me a slow glance.

“In spite of where we ended … I forgive you, for everything.”

Kai’s mouth opens but no words come out. He nods and I turn and worm my way off the dance floor. I suck in a shaky breath and blink back the tears. Forgiveness breathes life into a weakened soul.

Free-flowing liquor, a stellar band, and the best view of Boston—all mine for the next three hours. I should have a nice buzz and be living it up on the dance floor with the other bridesmaids. Instead, I’m sitting at the head table, alone, rearranging cake crumbs with my fork and thinking of Oliver. I haven’t heard from him or Jackie since she left for Portland. Alex has consumed my every minute until now. I grab my phone from my handbag but there are no missed calls or messages. So I do what any lonely girl in my shoes would do … I get another piece of cake.

The lead singer of the band starts to talk. “This next song is a special request dedicated to anyone still eating cake.”

I freeze with my fork in my mouth, scanning the room. Am I the only one still eating cake?

Then the music starts: “A Drop in the Ocean” by Ron Pope.

“You are, you know …” A tingle of hair-raising chills flows across my skin as his words whisper along my neck. “… You are my heaven.”

I didn’t realize how many tears I’d been saving for him—until this moment.

“You’re here,” I whisper, turning my head with slow ease.

Oliver holds out his hand, and of course … I take it. “I’m here for you. God, I’m so sorry—” He pulls me into his arms.

“Don’t … don’t apologize.” I shake my head and cling to him.

I try so hard to control the emotions that detonate inside, no longer able to be held back by the overwhelming need to do right by Oliver. This is my selfish moment. I just can’t keep it in another second.