Lauren Holmes - Barbara the Slut and Other People

When we got home I told him I needed a minute and went into my bedroom and cried. Pearl lay with me. When I thought I could control myself I went into the bathroom and washed my face. The Swiss guy was sitting in the living room, waiting for me to help him use my illegal portable washing machine, and now Pearl was sitting next to him on the couch.

“Have you been sleeping?” he said.

“No. Where’s the laundry you want to do?”

“Are you feeling sad?” he said.

“No,” I said, and went back to the bathroom to cry a little more.

When I came out he wanted to talk about it.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said. “I think I’m going crazy right now.”

“You’re not crazy,” he said.

I got into bed and he followed me. Pearl curled up between us.

“Why are you feeling sad?” he said.

“Because I’m crazy and because I never meet anyone I don’t hate. And I don’t hate you but you’re leaving.”

“It’s sad for me too,” he said. “I don’t want to leave. But it’s very difficult to stay in America without a job.”

“I know. It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.”

“We can if you like to.”

“I don’t want to.”

We did his laundry and then got back in bed and had sex. After, I asked him if he wanted to sleep in the bed and solemnly swore that Pearl wouldn’t kill him, but he said he wasn’t ready.

I felt better the next day. We agreed to meet outside the library after school and get groceries and make dinner at home. He hadn’t said anything about finding a room.

When I got to the library there was a crowd standing over someone on the ground. I called the Swiss guy to find him. He was standing up the block. He said the guy was on the ground because a lot of kids kicked him and then ran away. He said he didn’t do anything because at first he thought the kids were playing and then when he realized they weren’t, he didn’t want them to attack him too.

While we were standing there a fire truck and an ambulance pulled up to the curb.

“Here’s the fire truck,” I said.

“Why is there a fire truck?”

“For that guy.”

“But why does he need a fire truck?”

“He doesn’t, but they always send one.”

“Should I go and tell them what I have seen?”

“I doubt it would help.”

“It was a big group of teenagers and they went that way.” He pointed up the street.

“It’s too late now,” I said. “I’m sure they’re long gone.” I couldn’t believe the Swiss guy watched the whole thing and did nothing. Even if he was too scared to intervene, he could have at least called the police.

We started walking.

“Is it very dangerous in this neighborhood?” he said.

“No. I’ve never seen anything like that happen before. And those kids probably knew each other.”

We stopped to get groceries and I paid for them. When we got home Pearl was very excited to see us, especially the Swiss guy. She danced around him. He asked me what I thought she did while we were gone. I said I didn’t know. I took her out and then I made a stir-fry with the vegetables we bought and a pepper I already had.

“Is that pepper still good?” said the Swiss guy.

“Yeah,” I said. “I bought it a few days ago.”

He talked and talked about applying for fellowships and jobs. He said it was hard for people to get a job in their field in Switzerland, especially if their field was academic. We ate in the kitchen and I sat on a high stool and he sat on a chair. Looking down at him I noticed that his hair was thinning and the scalp underneath was shiny.

After dinner we had sex. I now understood that he had two signature moves, neither of which I particularly liked. One was patting my vagina, which he must have learned from a porno. The other was swiveling his hips in what felt like a circle. To get him to stop the patting I initiated sex, and to get him to stop the circles I offered to get on top.

Afterward he wanted to talk about Pearl. She was curled up at the bottom of the bed and her eyelids were twitching.

“Is she dreaming?” he said.

“I guess so.”

“What is she dreaming about?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe she is dreaming about squirrels.”

“Maybe.”

When he was done watching Pearl, he went to go sleep on the couch.

• • •

On Friday night the Swiss guy met a friend for dinner and I was glad for the silence. I was starting to wonder when he was going to leave, but I still wanted to have sex. Before he got home I put on a lacy chemise.

“That’s a nice pajama,” he said when he got there. “Shall I come visit you in your room for a while?”

We lay down and started making out. Then he licked the roof of my mouth. I jerked my head back but he tried to put his tongue back in to do it again. I started to touch him but he started patting my vagina.

“That doesn’t feel good.”

He kept doing it. He was supporting my theory that most guys touch vaginas to turn themselves on, and are not really concerned with what feels good to the vagina. I thought the Swiss guy would be different. I moved his hand.

“That doesn’t feel good,” I said.

“Okay,” he said. “What can I do then?”

“Mouths feel good,” I said.

“What?” he said.

“You could use your mouth.”

“What?”

“Oral sex?” I said. “Not happening?”

“Well we haven’t been tested.”

“I’ve been tested.”

“But you haven’t been tested for everything.”

“There’s no way to test for everything.”

“I would like to wait until we can be tested for everything. I am worried about getting throat cancer like Michael Douglas.”

Another time I would have laughed, but I was not in the mood.

“Okay,” I said. “Never mind.”

I put lube on myself and then tried to put it on him, but he jumped away.

“Do you mind going to wash your hands?” he said.

“I haven’t touched Pearl at all,” I said.

“But you touched yourself and now you want to touch me.”

“Okay.” I got up and washed my hands. I was all for safe sex, and I definitely wasn’t going to blow the Swiss guy when he hadn’t been tested, but I had been tested and him freaking out anyway was starting to make me feel like my vagina was crawling with carcinogens.

When I got back with my hands clean we started having sex. Then he asked me if I wanted to do it from behind, and I said okay because I always want to do it from behind. I know it’s supposed to be degrading but it’s a good angle. But this time the Swiss guy started doing something different. It was like he was both behind me and on top of me, and something was putting pressure on my back.

“You’re hurting my back,” I said.

“What is hurting?” he said, out of breath.

“You’re hurting my back,” I said.

“Okay,” he said, and stopped whatever he was doing.

A little while later he started trying to do it again.

“You’re going to break my back,” I said. I moved forward to get out from under him. I turned over and let him in again from the front.

“I’m not going to come,” I said. “You can go ahead.”

“Are you certain?” he said.

“Yes, I’m certain.”

He did his circle thing until he came.

He went to the bathroom and when he came back he said, “I think I can sleep in the bed with you and Pearl tonight.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and put his pajamas on, long pants and a turtleneck. He got under the covers and we slept on opposite sides of Pearl, him in his pajamas and me naked.

• • •

The next morning he woke me up.

“It’s Saturday,” I said. “Please don’t wake me up.”