Lauren Holmes - Barbara the Slut and Other People

“This is Lucy,” I said. “This is Marc.”

They said hi.

I saw Pam staring at me from the video section and realized that my plan might work.

“I’ll be right back,” I told Lucy.

“Wow,” said Pam when I got to her. “You did it.”

“Yup,” I said.

“Okay, well,” she said. “Anyway. That’s not your girlfriend.”

I tried to look guilty. “No, it’s not,” I said. “She had to work late, again, like every night, so. This is like the thousandth time she’s canceled on me. I’m never dating a corporate lawyer again.”

“So who is that?”

“That’s Lucy.”

“I see,” said Pam, and smiled at me for the third time ever. “Be careful. Everybody finds out everything around here.”

“Okay,” I said.

I went back to Lucy, who was looking at or past the case with the cock rings.

“Hey, sorry. My boss. I’m kind of scared of her.”

She smiled. “No worries.”

I poured myself a glass of champagne.

“So,” said Lucy, “what about you? Where are you from?”

“I wasn’t done questioning you!” I said. “So, where are you from?”

Lucy laughed. “I already told you, the Lone Star State.”

“Oh right,” I said. “Where did you meet your friends?”

“At work, actually,” she said.

“Really,” I said.

She laughed. “Yeah, they’re different there. They keep it pretty professional.”

Estelle came up behind Lucy.

“Hey,” I said. “This is my friend Lucy.”

“Hello,” said Estelle. “Brenda, Marc would like to see you in his office.”

“His office?” I looked around and saw Marc sitting in the sex swing at the back of the store.

“Oh Jesus,” I said. Estelle laughed her deep laugh.

I looked at Lucy. “I’m fine,” she said.

I went back to Marc. “Yes?” I said.

“What the fuck is that?”

“A haircut.”

“I told you to get a faux hawk.”

“Maybe next time,” I said.

“But what the fuck is that?” He gestured toward Lucy.

“Nothing.”

“Where did you get her?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Please tell me you didn’t get her from the store.” He stared at me. “Oh my god, Brenda!”

“What? I don’t know anyone else.”

“I could have set you up with a loaner.”

“Shh,” I said. “Can we talk about this later? Or never?”

“Oh, we will definitely be talking about it later.”

Chad had his shirt off and he and his friends were dancing. I walked through them back to Lucy and Estelle.

“So where did you two meet?” said Estelle.

We looked at each other and Lucy smiled. “Through friends,” she said.

“Cool,” said Estelle.

When it got hot and unbearably loud inside the store, Lucy and I went out and sat on the stoop.

“So,” said Lucy. “College sweetheart?”

“No. Grad school sweetheart,” I said, wanting to give her something.

“What did you go for?”

“Law,” I said.

“Law? By grad school you mean law school?”

“Yup.”

“What are you doing here, then?”

“I don’t really know,” I said.

“That’s okay,” she said.

We sat in silence for a minute and Lucy smiled at me.

“What about you?” I said. “College sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“What happened?” I said.

“You know,” she said. She told me they moved to San Francisco for the girlfriend’s job, they got a dog, they found a cat in the garbage. They were going to play “Here Comes the Bride” twice at their wedding, once for each of them. Then the girlfriend started spending a lot of nights at the office, and then it turned out she was coming home during the day to sleep with their downstairs neighbor.

“Shit,” I said.

“Yeah,” said Lucy.

While we were both thinking about her story, Pam came out of the store and put on her helmet. I put my head on Lucy’s shoulder and smiled at Pam.

“You girls have fun.” Pam got on her motorcycle and rode away. I picked my head up.

“She is kind of scary,” said Lucy. She took a breath. “You probably want to make a run for it, hearing all this crap.”

“It’s really fine.” I didn’t want to make a run for it, but I did want to go home and see Danny.

“I’m still mad,” she said. “Isn’t that crazy? I’m mad at my ex but I’m even madder at that girl. I didn’t think I had it in me, but if I heard that she died I would honestly be glad.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You are so freaked out right now. You can honestly leave me here, I won’t be offended.”

“I’m not freaked out,” I said. “It makes sense.”

“It does? My friends think I am seriously unhinged.”

“Then they haven’t been cheated on.”

She turned to me. “Have you?”

“No. But my dad cheated on my mom.”

“Shit.”

“It’s fine. She’s better off without him.”

We sat quietly for a minute and then Marc came out and yelled, “Birthday cake!”

Everybody inside seemed significantly drunker.

“Okay,” said Lucy, “we either need to do shots or get out of here.”

“I should actually probably get home,” I said.

“Oh yeah,” she said, “me too.”

We cut pieces of cake and watched Chad’s boyfriend feed him, which was sweet, even though Chad was dripping with sweat and seemed to be on something other than alcohol. He was flexing his pecs to the beat of the music while he was taking bites.

Lucy called two cabs and we ate our cake slowly until we heard the cars honk. I waved to no one in particular and we left.

Outside Lucy said, “I really had fun.”

I looked at her and smiled. “I did too.” But suddenly it felt like we were standing too close to each other, so I looked away.

“Okay,” she said.

Lucy opened the door to the first cab and motioned for me to get in. I took a step forward and she put her hand on my back. The warmth of her hand spread up to my scalp and down my legs. Maybe it shouldn’t have felt like that, but no one had touched me in weeks.

• • •

At home I turned on the light in the bedroom, and Danny sat up and said, “I’m awake!”

“Babe,” I said. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Hm,” he said and sunk back into the pillow.

I got into bed and pulled Danny’s arm over me. He snuggled closer and kissed my neck.

On Saturday morning we woke up at the same time and Danny wrapped his arms around me. “Where were you last night?” he said.

“At Chad’s birthday party at the store,” I said. “I didn’t know you were going to be home.”

“I got home pretty late.” Then he startled. “Oh my god!”

“What?” I said.

“Your hair.”

“Oh yeah,” I said, “my hair. Didn’t you get my text?”

“No, I didn’t get your text.”

“I got a mullet. I got a mullet for you and you didn’t even check your phone.”

He touched the hair on the back of my head. Then he lifted up different sections and let them fall.

“How does it look?” I said.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

I put my head in his armpit and my hand in his boxers. He laughed and tried to pull it out, but I held on for dear life and quickly got him to the point of no return. I climbed on top of him and he slowed down to wait for me.

Afterward I wanted him to do what he used to do on Sunday mornings, which was go down on me until he was ready to go again, but instead he said, “I’m starving. I can’t remember eating anything yesterday.”

We took separate showers and then walked to brunch and waited forever and finally ordered our eggs Benedict. Danny complained about some other first year whose wife had a baby months ago but who was still taking all this time off and not billing nearly enough hours. I guessed that was some kind of explanation, either for me or for himself. I told him about Chad’s party, minus the part about Lucy.