Lauren Holmes - Barbara the Slut and Other People

On the way back to the house, my mom turned around to face us. “I was thinking maybe we should head out tomorrow,” she said. “Nat, we could pick up your car and stop at James’s on the way home.”

“We’ve only been here for one day,” I said.

“I thought you were dying to break up with him,” said my mom.

“I am,” I said. “But you guys don’t have to come.”

“I want to,” said my mom. “I’ll feel more comfortable being in the car with you, if something goes wrong. And I think Noah is ready to go.”

“I am,” said Noah.

“What about Mak?” I said.

“I’ll stay,” said Mak. “Keep up appearances.”

“And play golf,” said my mom.

“That’s another consideration,” said Mak.

I texted James to say I was going to stop by the next day.

• • •

Back at the house, the Henderchenkos were in their bedroom. We went to bed quietly.

I woke up to Noah squeezing my wrist.

“I’m going to go watch the sunrise,” he said.

“What?” I said.

“You should watch it with me,” he said. “It will make you feel better.”

I made myself wake up and we took our blankets and pillows off our beds and walked to the beach. We lay down on one blanket and put the other one over us. Petey lay down on top, with his butt on me and his head on Noah.

Soon there was the faintest glow at the end of the water. I propped myself up on my elbows. The sun came up slowly and then quickly. And Noah was right, it did make me feel a little bit better.

We watched until the sun took its place in the sky.

When we got back to the house, Mak was putting his golf clubs in his trunk.

“What are you two doing now?” Mak said.

“We watched the sunrise,” I said.

“Deep,” said Mak. “How’d you wake up in time?”

“I didn’t go to sleep,” said Noah.

“You didn’t?” I said.

“Genius,” said Mak. “Listen, y’all want to get some breakfast? We can get donuts and I’ll take you to get your car, Nat.”

I got in the passenger seat and Noah and Petey got in the backseat. Noah went to sleep immediately. He couldn’t get up when we got to the donut place so we got him his two favorites and put the bag on the floor in front of him. When Mak and I were done with our donuts, he said we had some time to kill until the car place opened, and that it was the perfect amount of time for a round of pitch and putt. I wanted to resist but it was too early in the morning.

When we got there we took Petey with us and left Noah in the car. The course was thick with fog. On my first hit I almost made it to the green.

“Not bad, Fat Nat,” said Mak.

My mom didn’t let him call me that, but I didn’t mind because I wasn’t fat and he was. On my next hit I almost made it to the hole. Mak told me to sink it in, so I did.

“Par!” he yelled.

I pretended like I didn’t care, but my heart leapt. I wondered if it was possible that I was suddenly good at golf.

On the way to the next hole I asked Mak if we ruined the vacation.

“No,” he said. “Not for me, anyway.”

When we got to the next hole I missed the ball twice and then hit it about fifteen feet.

“Ooh,” said Mak.

It took me like nine hits to get the ball up onto the green.

“Thanks for sticking up for Noah,” I said.

“He didn’t steal anything,” said Mak.

On my twelfth or thirteenth hit I got the ball in the hole.

“Honestly, that kid’s a little piece of shit,” said Mak. “I mean, he’s my nephew, I love him. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t trade him for another one if I could.”

“Mak!”

“What?”

At the next hole Mak told me to hit down on the ball, but I missed and hit the ground so hard it sent vibrations to my brain, and made Petey jump.

“Christ, Nat,” said Mak.

“Sorry,” I said.

“So, this boyfriend of yours,” he said while I swung again.

“Soon to be ex-boyfriend,” I said.

“Right,” he said.

“I feel bad,” I said. “He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes he did,” said Mak. “He was boring as hell.”

“Shit, Mak,” I said. “Thanks for telling me now.”

“What?” he said. “You gotta learn these things. You gotta learn them the hard way, otherwise you don’t learn them at all.”

I hit my ball halfway down the fairway and he hit his to the green.

“You need a man who knows how to deal with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said.

“You and your mom,” he said, “you two are real firecrackers. You need men who know how to set you off.”

“Why would I want to be set off?” I said.

“Because if you’re not you’re bored out of your mind.”

“I don’t know,” I said.

We played the rest of the holes almost in silence, except for Mak trying to give me pointers on my game.

When we finished the ninth hole he said, “You’re getting real good.”

“Really?” I said.

“No, not really,” he said.

• • •

Noah was fast asleep in the backseat, but there was icing on his mouth. Petey licked him and he stirred. We drove to the car place.

“I got ’er up and running,” said the car guy.

“Will she make it to Virginia?” said Mak.

“Maybe,” said the guy, “but not more. Never would’ve passed inspection in the state of North Carolina.”

“I heard,” I said.

“The bottom of the car is rusted out. You got a hole in the back where the muffler was, and pretty soon you’re gonna have some holes in the cab. This floor is gonna crumble.”

“Is that safe?” said Mak.

“No, sir,” said the mechanic. “Car has a floor for a reason.”

• • •

The car seemed fine to me. Mak followed me back to the house. When we got there my mom had packed up our stuff, and we loaded it into the car and transferred Noah and Petey to my backseat. Tina came out to say good-bye to me and my mom. She said she didn’t want to wake up Andy and Dylan, but that they said bye. She gave us both hugs, like she wasn’t having a huge fight with my mom.

When we crossed the bridge I asked my mom if we were ever going back.

“We’ll see,” she said.

My mom and Noah slept most of the way to Raleigh, but when we got close my mom woke up and asked me if I was nervous.

“I guess,” I said.

“I’m proud of you,” she said.

“Why?” I said.

“Because it’s easy to stay in a relationship that’s not bad but not good,” she said.

I wondered what relationship she was thinking of. Obviously not her and Mak, which was gross but definitely good. Maybe she meant her and my dad. Or Tina and Andy.

“Like Tina and Andy?” I said.

“Ha!” said my mom. “Oh god, sweetie, you couldn’t end up like Tina and Andy if you tried.”

We stopped at a mall in Raleigh and woke Noah up. My mom went inside and Noah and Petey disappeared into the trees on the other side of the parking lot.

• • •

I drove up the highway feeling jittery. I couldn’t wait to get there, but I had no idea what would happen when I did. I tried to imagine some best-case scenarios. Maybe he had another girlfriend already. Maybe she liked surprises, but he didn’t even need to surprise her because they were always together. Maybe James sent me the coffee cake out of cheater guilt.

Or maybe he would come out to me. For this scenario I ignored his great love of the female body, and concentrated on his sensitivity and his strong commitment to feminism. If he was gay he would want to stay friends, but I thought it might be too late for that. I was so sick of him.

I tried not to let myself think about one other scenario, but it had occurred to me at some point in the last few weeks, and had been creeping into my thoughts ever since. I didn’t want James to die, but if I got to his house and he had been in a terrible accident, or had succumbed to a brief but devastating illness, I would be off the hook. Not only would I be off the hook, I would be like a girlfriend-widow.