Jim Shepard - Kiss of the Wolf

“I didn’t think I’d fit,” she said.

Their front end faced the church doors. When Bruno got out she said, “Bruno,” to stop him where he was. She circled around to the back of the car. “Look at this.”

“What?” he said. He waited and then walked around to meet her. “What? What’m I looking at?”

“You think I’m gonna lose this license plate?” she asked. “The bolts are all rusted.”

He lowered his chin to his chest and looked at her.

“Oh, come on,” she said. She hooked his arm and led him down her side of the car. “You’ll be my escort.”

She tried not to pull when she got past the bumper. He put his hand on the small of her back. “So when’re you gonna ask me out again?” she said.

She could feel his eyes on her. She kept hers on the church doors. “Today,” he said. “Very soon.”

At the entrance she let his arm go and held the door for him. Once he was inside, she glanced back at the car. You could see the dents from there. What she was going to do on the way out, she had no idea.

She followed him into the entryway. Her eyes took a minute adjusting. It sounded like things were just starting. The late arrivals in front of them were dipping two or three fingers into the holy-water font and making the sign of the cross before heading to the pews.

She could tell him she’d hit something. But then why hadn’t she mentioned it before?

He’d never go for it. She had to get past this and get it fixed before he saw it.

The church was packed. Everyone was standing for the opening hymn. Bruno pointed out her parents in the last row on the right. They shoved in next to them, nodding their hellos. Her father leaned forward so he could make eye contact and gave her a big smile, as if trying to cheer her up. What did she look like?

She ended up between Bruno and a woman with a newborn baby. The baby opened its eyes wide and closed them. Joanie smiled at the mother, and the mother rolled her eyes.

It started to rain. They could hear it.

Was he playing with her? Had he figured something out? She stood and sat and knelt at everybody else’s cue. Could Todd have told him? What was this thing with the money?

“Where’s Todd?” Nina whispered.

“Fever,” Joanie said.

Nina gave her a look.

Just tell, she thought. It was an accident.

She had to go to the police.

A wind blew through her from some central point. It was just fear of embarrassment that had done all this.

She put her face in her hands.

Someone looking at her would have thought it was grief for Tommy.

When the service was over, they held up at the entryway to talk to Nina and Sandro. Bruno was four feet from the front doors and from seeing her car, and was clearly anxious to get going.

A lot of people were standing around, pulling up collars and buttoning jackets. It was still raining.

“We’re gonna go out the other way,” Sandro said. “We’re all the way around the back.”

“You going to the grave?” Nina asked.

“Yeah,” Joanie said, though they hadn’t talked about it. “Could we get a ride with you? No sense taking two cars.”

Sandro pointed. “Then we gotta bring you back here.”

“Is that such a problem?” Joanie asked.

“She’s having some people over, afterwards,” Nina said, meaning Mrs. Monteleone.

“Well, we could go over there with you, too,” Joanie said. “And then you could drop us off here.”

Bruno put both hands up, palms out. “Whatever,” he said.

“Sure, fine,” Sandro said. “Let’s go.”

They headed back through the church against the flow, relief blooming in Joanie all the way down the aisle.

The burial was horrible. It was raining, and people slipped around on the soapy soil near the grave. Sandro almost went down. Somebody in the group behind her was holding an umbrella half over her so that no matter how she moved, the water seemed to be draining down her neck. The priest did everything with thick, sad gestures that took so long that even Nina, shooing mosquitoes with a handkerchief, started to get impatient. It started to really pour. By the time they got back to the car to head for the Monteleones’ they were soaked.

“I didn’t see Tommy Senior there,” Nina said as they headed out of the cemetery. “You see Tommy Senior there?”

Nobody answered. Joanie imagined him still at home in his robe, too broken up to go to his own son’s funeral.

They didn’t see him at the house, either. They poked around saying hello to some people and introducing themselves to others. Bruno exchanged looks with two guys standing near the TV and nodded. He didn’t introduce them.

He followed Joanie into the kitchen. Mrs. Monteleone was supposed to be relaxing, but she was doing a lot of the work. She flexed an ice-cube tray, spread her hand across the top, and turned it over. The cubes fell out onto the floor.

One sister, in from Jersey, escorted her from the room. Another sister picked up the ice.

Bruno was shaking out his suit. He looked like he’d been hosed.

“Fucking day, ” he said quietly to Joanie, flapping his sleeves. “You want something to eat?”

She looked over at one of the platters. “What is it?” she asked.

“It’s Italian, it’s meat, and it’s free,” he said. “That’s all you gotta know.”

She looked around the kitchen and couldn’t believe she was back here again. “You know what?” she said. “I don’t think I can take this anymore. I’m gonna go out for like a walk or something.”

“It’s rain ing,” Bruno said.

She stood up and ran her palms over her wet hair. “Yeah, well,” she said.

It turned out the back porch had a little overhang you could sit under and not get drenched. The front porch was out because that was the way everyone was coming and going.

“You go ’head out there,” Bruno said, once she was already outside. “I’ll bring some coffee or something. You want coffee? Warm you up.”

She said coffee’d be great. She sat on the top step so the door had enough clearance to open without hitting her back. The toes of her shoes were in the rain. She had her elbows on her knees and her hands rubbed her arms.

Bruno came back out with two cups of coffee rattling and tipping on saucers. He held the door with his foot. She took one from him. He’d put cream in hers and added an apricot cookie on the saucer.

He sat next to her. “Get close,” he said. They moved together so at least that side would be warm.

“Was that Tommy Senior’s brother, with the thing? The harelip?” Joanie asked. “He looked real sad.”

“Yeah, he’s in mourning,” Bruno said. “He just downed a slab a beef coulda served the Flintstones.”

Mrs. Monteleone opened the door behind them. She handed forward two lined Windbreakers, one canary yellow and the other white. “You’re gonna catcha cold out here,” she said. “I got you coats.”

“Thanks, Lucia,” Bruno said. “We’ll be in in a minute, anyway. We just wanted to get some air.”

“I got you sandwiches, too,” she said. She passed out two packages wrapped in foil. “Eat something.”

They took the sandwiches. She shut the door. “You believe her?” Joanie asked. “So good-hearted.”

“She wraps ’em in foil,” Bruno said.

Joanie put on her jacket and buttoned it up. She helped Bruno with his.

“Thanks,” he said.

“Don’t want you getting a cold,” she said. She smiled at him.

They could hear Sandro in the kitchen right above them: “You kidding me? He charged fi’ dollars an hour to build that fence. You could throw your hat through some of the holes in it.”

Bruno slurped his coffee and looked around for someplace to put his saucer. He unwrapped his sandwich and took a bite.