Jim Shepard - Kiss of the Wolf

There was one maple tree in the middle of the yard. He sat underneath it. Its roots went so far under the ground they were lifting the blacktop on the driveway ten feet from the trunk.

There was nothing to do. The grass was worn away to dirt at the places where the roots went in. The dog was still barking and scratching at the fence. He put three fingers down to the dirt and brought them up to his mouth.

The back door opened and Bruno and Joanie came out. They walked over to where Todd was sitting. They both had their hands in their pockets and Bruno was jingling change.

The dog was still barking. It was throwing itself against the fence, making the whole thing shake.

“Nice animal,” Bruno said, squinting over at it. “They bring a lot to a family, don’t they?”

He picked up a stick and threw it over the fence. The dog was quiet, probably checking it out.

“Don’t forget, the old man’s retired now,” he said. “They got nothing. Big Tommy, his idea of savings was whatever was left in the wallet.”

Joanie looked back at the house. “Maybe we could help out,” she said. “You know, lend them a little bit.”

“You?” Bruno said. “Since when do you have a pot to piss in?”

Joanie looked down at the grass and then over at Todd. “What happened to you?” she asked. “What’ve you got on your mouth?”

Todd rubbed it with the back of his hand. “It’s dirt,” he said.

The dog started up again. They listened to it bark.

“So what do you think?” Joanie said.

“What do I think?” Bruno said. He was looking off toward the house. “I think I wanna know what happened.”

Todd looked at his mother. She had her eyes on Bruno. She shrugged like someone was holding her shoulders. “Maybe the police …” she said.

“The police,” Bruno said. “Please.”

“Well,” she said. “Wasn’t he just—?”

“Whaddaya telling me?” Bruno said. “He’s hit by a car wandering around in the dark on Route One-ten?” He exaggerated the pronunciation of the number. He was mad enough that Todd and his mother had to look away.

“This is Tommy Monteleone, now,” he said. “This is not a guy who goes on nature hikes. He lives in a rented room on Nichols Avenue. Nature’s when a bug gets in the screen.”

Todd’s mother put her eyes somewhere else. Todd pulled at the tongue of his Nike. The dog was still barking.

“ Shut up, ” Bruno shouted. Joanie and Todd jumped.

The dog was quiet.

“Todd, get up,” his mother said. “We gotta go.” He could see how shook up she was.

The dog started barking again, hysterically.

“That son of a bitch,” Bruno said, looking over at the fence.

“Todd, come on, ” his mother said. He was up but he was standing around, and she grabbed his shirt sleeve, pinching a bicep. He yanked it free.

“Fine,” she said. “You stay here. I’ll drive the car up onto the grass to pick you up.” She went back into the house, probably to say good-bye and get Nina. He was left standing there with the barking dog and Bruno.

He could feel himself close to crying and fought it. “Bruno,” he said.

Bruno looked at him. “What’re you, gonna whine about this?” he said. “What was she, mean to you? Don’t whine to me. Those people in the house: they got problems.”

Bruno walked off. Todd stood there alone, with the barking dog.

What he remembered all through the ride home was the pitiful way he sounded when he said “Bruno.” He understood he wasn’t thinking about Mrs. Monteleone, or her husband with his blue bathrobe, or the picture of Tommy. He was thinking about the pitiful way he sounded, and the way Bruno looked at him after he said it.

Back in his room, he bridged individual playing cards around the sleeping Audrey. Audrey was on her back with her legs folded in the air. Her head was stretched straight out upside down, and her cheeks hung down from gravity, exposing her incisors. She looked like a sleeping mad dog.

He was using only face cards, leaning them on her side by side, one by one, trying to surround her before she woke up or moved. He had his Ad Altare Dei booklet out and was deciding whether or not he would remind his mother. The meeting Wednesday night was at seven.

The booklet was opened to the first page. He’d filled it out when he’d gotten it.

Ad Altare Dei

Record book of

Todd Muhlberg

221 Indian Hill Road

Milford, CT 06498

Our Lady of Grace Church

$1.75

He still owed the parish the $1.75.

His mother was in the spare room, next to his, talking to herself.

“What was he doing out there?” she said. “What was he doing out there without a car that time of night?”

He’d never told Brendan whether he’d give him a ride or not. He could call from up here if his mother ever went downstairs. They’d gotten him a phone for his eleventh birthday. His father had been against it.

Going for the Ad Altare Dei had been his idea. His mother and grandmother had gone along. Could he drop out of something like that? Could he just not show up?

His mother whacked something wooden in the next room. He heard her get up and go downstairs.

He listened to her bang cabinets in the kitchen. Audrey stirred, and some of the cards collapsed. He kept flipping through the booklet.

Reference Material

Listed below are a few books which will help you prepare for this program:

1. Old Testament and New Testament —Confraternity edition.

2. Second Vatican Council:

Decree on the Church

Decree on Liturgy

Decree on the Church in the Modern World

3. Rite for Holy Anointing —Liturgical Press.

(One dollar.)

4. Come to Me —Book Two (the Sacraments and the Mass) Rev. Benedict Ehman and Rev. Albert Shamon

(Five dollars.)

He stopped reading.

He lay back on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. Sandro had finished it with an overlapping swirl pattern, like a series of waves.

He had to call. He had to call the rectory if he was not going to show up. He couldn’t just stay away.

Tears came into his eyes at how complicated everything was. You just feel sorry for yourself, he thought. That’s all you do.

He sat up again. He had to let them know if he wasn’t going. He stood up and padded downstairs in his bare feet. He crossed to the kitchen and opened the cabinet nearest the phone and pulled out the Milford directory.

His mother was sitting at the kitchen table with her back to him. She didn’t turn around.

It didn’t look like she was making dinner. A colander and a pot were out on the counter, but that was it.

He climbed back up the stairs. His legs were tired. When he came back into the room, Audrey rolled onto her side and looked up, collapsing all the cards. She laid her head down again and closed her eyes.

He listened for noise downstairs and then dialed the number in the book for the rectory. Maybe he’d get Henry, Father’s assistant, instead of Father Cleary.

He got Father Cleary.

“What’s up?” Father Cleary wanted to know. “You ready for the big night Wednesday?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Todd said. “I don’t think I can go.” His forehead and underarms cooled.

“Why not?” Father Cleary asked. “What’re you, sick?”

“No,” Todd said. He grimaced at having blown that excuse.

“So what is it?” Father asked after Todd didn’t say anything else.

“I don’t know,” Todd said.

“You don’t know,” Father said.