Christos Tsiolkas - Merciless Gods

‘Did you know her?’

I said I had no idea who she was.

‘A scrag,’ said the drag queen and started walking away. The ambulance came and so did the nuns. They started praying and I joined in with them.

That night I told Mickey and he must have had a hard day because he went ballistic at me, started hitting me and kicking me, called me a fucking lousy Jesus freak. ‘She’s gone to hell, you know, being a whore and a junkie and all that shit. That’s what you believe, isn’t it?’

He kept punching me, kept hitting me; I was screaming and every part of me hurt like I was burning and then I passed out.

In the morning I was in the bed between him and Angie, and he held me tight and kept saying sorry. ‘I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to.’

Angie made me toast and taught me a little maths, which she was really good at, and afterwards I crept back into bed with Mickey.

I told him that I didn’t believe in hell, there was only heaven. ‘That’s because Jesus loves us and he wouldn’t let there be a place worse than earth.’

Mickey touched the corner of my eye. ‘Sorry, mate,’ he said, and his voice was way sad. ‘It’s going to bruise. I’ve given you a black eye.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘Go to sleep.’

But I remembered that I’d touched a dead body. I went and washed my hands, just let the hot water run and run till the skin went red.

•

When we got back to the warehouse, Saunders and Mickey had an argument. Mickey doesn’t get fucked. It don’t matter how much the mugs offer. He just doesn’t do it. He’ll suck cock, and he’ll let the mugs lick him out down there and if they pay extra he may lick them there too but no way will he get fucked. Saunders wanted to see him get it. I realised that this was what it was all about. But Mickey said no, he wasn’t going to do it and he wasn’t going to budge. Saunders reminded him that Mickey owed him.

‘That’s why I’m doing this shit, you pervo cunt. I owe you nothing.’

‘We made a deal.’

‘And I’m sticking to it.’

‘No, you’re not.’ Dick Cheese Saunders was standing over him, jabbing his finger into Mickey’s chest.

Mickey went to shove him away and Saunders clocked him a backhander. Thwack! It rang through the warehouse. Everyone went dead quiet.

‘Listen here, you maggot. You promised me that you’d do this. My exact words to you were would you make a porno for me in which you have to get fucked. Up. The. Arse. Do you remember me saying that?’

Mickey sullenly nodded.

‘And what did you say in reply?’

Mickey was silent.

Thwack! Dick Cheese Saunders backhanded him again. I wished I could make people die with my thoughts. I’d make Saunders die a million times, in burning oil, vultures tearing at his innards, a spike up his arse to his throat. I could watch him die a million times.

‘What did you reply, maggot?’

‘I said I’d do it.’

Dick Cheese Saunders turned to the director, all smiles. ‘Let’s start.’

While we’d been out they had built three cubicles, fitted out to look like they were public toilets, with sleazoid graffiti all over the walls and glory holes punched in the masonite.

A man with a thick grey moustache who had not been there before lunch was joking with the sound guy. He was wearing a checked shirt and his jeans were unzipped. He was smoking, and from time to time he would pull out his dick and tug at it. The thing was a monster, the hugest I’d ever seen. Long, thick as a beer can, with a hideous droopy foreskin.

The lights were switched back on and the moustache man went into the middle cubicle and started pissing. The camera guy was on his knees filming it all. The director ordered Mickey into the first cubicle and he too started pissing. Then it was the red-haired kid’s turn but he couldn’t get a stream going so they had to stop.

When they started again the older guy’s cock was rock hard and he was getting sucked off by both Mickey and the redhead. Then the director ordered Mickey to stand up and the kid had to go down on both of them. He was finding it hard and starting to gag. Then they stopped the filming again to wipe everyone down.

This time Mickey had to fuck the kid. There was no condom but I knew it was okay because Mickey didn’t have the disease. The kid’s face was all screwed up, he wasn’t used to getting fucked yet, and his cock had shrivelled up completely. I could see the veins straining, popping out on his neck.

Then Mickey pulled out and the older guy started fucking the kid. As soon as he was in, the kid was screaming, ‘Stop! Stop! It fucking hurts, it fucking really hurts.’ He was crying, actually sobbing, and it made him look even younger.

But they didn’t stop filming for a long time, by which time the kid’s sobs had stopped and he was just groaning, making gurgling, incoherent sounds, with his eyes shut and his teeth clenched.

I didn’t want to look, I just kept staring up at beams on the ceiling, but then Dick Cheese Saunders came over to me and yanked me to my feet. He had his cock out too and grabbed my hand and made me touch it. I started jerking him off but still tried to look anywhere else but at what was happening in the middle of the room. Saunders’ breathing was both loud and slow.

I looked over when I heard the director call out, ‘On the boy’s face, come on his face.’ Mickey blew but the director and his camera were interrupting my view and I couldn’t see it. The older guy was still fucking the red-haired kid.

Dick Cheese Saunders slapped my hand away from his cock. ‘Not yet.’ I didn’t know if he was talking to me or to himself.

The red-haired kid stumbled away, crouched over, holding his stomach. He was wiping the cum off his face, making a face at the foulness of the taste. The sound guy gave him a bottle of water. He sat in the corner across from me and I could see he was crying again. But I didn’t care about him.

It was Mickey’s turn. He was on all fours under the intense, blazing lights. I didn’t want to look. I snatched a glance. There was a steely, determined look on his face and his jaw was jutting out. He looked over at me and I turned away and looked down at the floorboards.

‘Have you got a condom on?’

I turned back to look. Mickey was standing up. ‘I won’t do it if this cunt won’t put on a rubber.’

Dick Cheese Saunders stepped forward. ‘No condoms.’

‘Then I’m not doing it.’

Saunders seemed bigger than I had ever known him. I thought he might wallop Mickey, but instead he just nodded his head. ‘Alright, kid, that’s fair.’

The guy who was going to fuck Mickey shrugged and held out his hand. Everyone searched in their pockets for a rubber and the sound guy eventually found one. The guy with the moustache started putting it on but it only covered half of his freaky monster dick.

Mickey was back on all fours and I didn’t want to look. I crouched and looked up at the ceiling. I noticed that on one of the beams a bird had built a nest. But there was nothing in it now. I could hear grunts, the older guy talking dirty like they do in pornos, the on-again, off-again, on-again of the cameras starting and stopping. But Mickey was making no sound.

Saunders had me on my feet again, jerking him off. It seemed to go on forever, the heat and the light, the grunting, the spinning and buzzing and humming of the cameras, the fucking, my hand going up and down, up and down Dick Cheese Saunders’ pongy little dick. The bastard wouldn’t come. I wanted it to be over. A sparrow. I decided it had been a sparrow’s nest.

Dick Cheese Saunders suddenly grabbed my jaw and jerked my head around so I had to look at the room. ‘Do you like seeing your mate getting it up the arse?’