Robert Lopez - Good People

Now I think she was with Teddy half the time. They were probably getting tangled up with Teddy’s parents in the living room, everyone taking pictures of everyone else. I didn’t think this back then, but I do think it now.

Tanya, though, was never nowhere. Tanya was always exactly where you could easily find her. Out there in the middle of everything, prancing around in the sundresses she always wore, regardless of the season.

When I look into the mirror and want to kiss myself, I want to do so for many reasons. Not the least of which is who wouldn’t except for Tanya, and goddammit if only God knows why sometimes.

Tanya and my Sofia were identical twins who didn’t look like each other.

Teddy thought my Sofia was prettier than Tanya, which tells you all you need to know about Teddy.

I would always refer to Sofia as my Sofia and never once said that about Tanya. I would say things like, My Sofia is spending a month at the sanitarium, or I would say, No one can dance a tarantella like my Sofia.

What I would say about Tanya was, Did you see Tanya in that sundress this morning?

I would say this to my school chums, particularly Teddy, who was my best friend, even though he was as horrible as the rest of them and a cripple to boot.

Teddy would make some comment about Sofia’s figure, he would call her voluptuous or an hourglass. He would tell me what he would like to do to her and how often. I would tell him to calm himself down, that he would only be disappointed, that hourglasses break and then it’s sand all over your shoe.

Every morning when I wake is a disappointment. I look around the room and everything is the same. My Sofia is nowhere next to me in bed and she isn’t hiding in the bathroom. Years ago I would wake up to find my Sofia in the bathroom with the door locked. I never knew what it was she did in there and I never asked.

There is a table next to my bed where I keep a clock and various necessities. I will not list the necessities because I am often ridiculed for having them, for thinking them necessary.

My Sofia was merciless in this regard.

There are the humidifiers, which keep me breathing through the night. The doctors told me were I not to run the humidifiers I would end up dead.

This was also true of my Sofia, who always had a terrible time breathing. There was something wrong with her lungs, throat, and nose. Actually, there wasn’t a single part of her body that wasn’t part of the problem.

There’s a chance my Sofia is dead, though I perish the thought and God should forbid it. She wasn’t a well woman when I knew her and I doubt she’s improved. People almost never get better, especially the horrible ones. If such is the case, if my Sofia is indeed dead, then I can see myself not filling the humidifiers up with water anytime soon.

My family always made sure my humidifiers were filled with water. They made sure I was propped up under enough pillows to allow for easy breathing. Those people loved me dearly and it’s a shame what happened to them.

I would lie awake at night and listen to my Sofia struggle for breath. Sometimes she would ask me to do her in with a pillow. She would tell me she couldn’t take it anymore, that her whole body was killing her.

My Sofia’s body was a marvel on the outside. I would tell her to think of her body as something I could enjoy, something intended for me, something that she had to put up with for a greater good.

Part of the greater good turned out to be Teddy. I never caught them in the middle of each other, but I know what I know.

I only once tried to make love to Tanya.

There was nothing about Teddy that should make anyone want to run away with him. He never once stumbled into his bathroom, looked into the mirror and wanted to kiss himself. I can promise anyone this much.

I never watched Teddy do his work in the field. If I was at his place during the day, I was either spying on his parents tangled up in the living room or looking through the pictures next to his bed.

My Sofia and Tanya and Teddy and I all grew up together, which only means that for a while there we attended the same schools, spent a certain amount of time and anguish together in close proximity.

When I look out the window I see no one almost all the time. Once in a while, I imagine someone coming up the walk. Usually it is my Sofia, under a parasol, aiming to take advantage of me.

The school was populated with the kinds of horrible people you find all over.

The pills in the medicine cabinet are painkillers and sleeping pills. This is because I am in a great deal of pain and can’t sleep, very like my Sofia, if she is still alive.

I remember being out there after school, waiting for my Sofia. I wanted to walk her home, see her to the door. Otherwise, the neighborhood kids, my school chums, would chase her down and do unspeakable things to her. I heard them planning to do this during lunch.

Teddy was the worst of these hooligans, the ringleader.

I would see them hiding in the bushes as we walked past, hoping to catch her alone, take advantage of her poor peripheral vision, spring an ambush on her.

Because we are talking about truly horrible people here, like my school chums, we have to make ourselves clear. Truly horrible people aren’t horrible because they take things the wrong way, but it doesn’t help matters, but what would I have to gain, in the end, after all is said and unsaid, done and undone, what’s in it for me, pointing all of this out, going on the record as it were, making myself clear, understood, being as I am here, alone and surrounded.

Everyone always took what I said about Tanya the wrong way.

My Sofia surrounds me all the time, even though she is not here anymore. She always takes things the wrong way or used to take things the wrong way back when she was around to take anything at all.

My Sofia, I do not know where you are, but I pray for your ambushed soul.

Whether you are dead or alive, Sofia, I do this for you regardless.

In that moment, as I’m about to open the medicine cabinet and swallow all of the painkillers and sleeping pills, I think of my Sofia and Tanya, who might someday see me on the boulevard, who might someday return and who’d want to touch the hem of my garment, tuck a tassel of hair behind my ear, who’d want to kiss me on the mouth as well, good God.

I think of the mother who nursed me, the father who schooled me, the brothers and sisters who bathed and dressed me. These were only sometimes horrible.

I think most of them are dead now.

So many people are either dead or gone. What I mean is, they either died or they left when everyone else started dying off.

The night I tried to make love to Tanya started with a light supper prepared by my Sofia. She made a traditional dish that all of us enjoyed, that took hours to prepare. When I say all of us, I mean my Sofia, Tanya, and me. Teddy wasn’t invited.

While my Sofia was clearing the table, I said something to Tanya about her eyes. Tanya liked it when people talked about her eyes. I compared her eyes to something beautiful, like a red-tailed hawk or the trumpet of the archangel Gabriel. She told me to go on, so I said something about her legs, said they were like the delicate trunk of a shapely willow tree. This is when I put my arm around her and kissed her neck and slipped my hand inside her dress. I think she moaned and told me to stop it. I asked what was wrong with her. I asked her, What can we do? and this is when she stuck me with a butter knife. She made a big production of calling out my name and saying, How could you?

My Sofia was in the kitchen doing the dishes and dancing a tarantella. She always danced a tarantella when she did the dishes. After she heard what Tanya said, she came running in from the kitchen and asked how could I over and over.