Catherine O'Flynn - News Where You Are

He didn’t hear Andrea approach and jumped slightly as she touched his shoulder.

‘Sorry I’m late.’

He stood to kiss her. ‘You’re not really sorry. You think making me wait keeps me keen.’

‘Does it? Were you sitting there thinking longingly of me?’

‘I was thinking about pedestrian underpasses.’

‘Naturally.’

He smiled. ‘Do you want a drink first or shall we go to the restaurant?’

‘Let’s get a drink and I can ring and check on Mo before we go.’

When Frank returned from the bar, Andrea was staring at the muted TV screen on the back wall. He followed the direction of her gaze and saw Phil’s face. He felt himself begin to smile before the memory of Phil’s death returned and he experienced a small jolt of shock once more.

Andrea spoke without turning her head from the screen. ‘They’re showing An Evening With … again. He looked great, didn’t he?’

‘He’d have loved to hear you say that.’

Andrea smiled and looked at Frank. ‘God, he was funny, wasn’t he? I bumped into him once in Rackhams and blimey you couldn’t miss him. He had that ridiculous suntan, and was wearing this enormous white padded jacket and gold-framed sunglasses. You’d think it was Tony Curtis, not the local newsreader. Everyone was staring.’

‘I know. He loved it. He was totally shameless about it. He knew it was shallow, but he didn’t care.’

‘Did I ever tell you about my auntie and Phil?’

‘No.’

‘You know Margaret? She loved him, thought he was the cat’s pyjamas. She only had to hear the name “Phil Smethway” and her face would light up. She used to watch Heart of England Reports every night just for him and was absolutely devastated when he left.’

‘But I took over after Phil.’

‘Yeah. I know. Anyway, obviously she stopped watching after Phil left.’

‘Obviously.’

‘She assumed he’d retired, gone off to live in Monaco or somewhere glamorous. Then shortly afterwards she and Uncle Matt were on holiday in Brighton and they saw him presenting South-East Reports .’

‘I’d forgotten that. He only did it for a few months.’

‘Uncle Matt said she was furious. She felt so betrayed — it was as if she’d discovered an affair. When he moved to national telly after that, she’d never watch him. If ever he cropped up on an advert or a trailer, she’d do this thing, wiping her lips with her fingers as if to wipe off a kiss.’

‘Well, you see, there’s a lesson for her. Don’t be dazzled by these entertaining types — with their charm and their wit — stick with people like me, stolid and dull, we won’t let you down. Haven’t I always told you that?’

Andrea smiled. ‘God, I couldn’t have lived with Phil. I mean he was lovely and fun to be around, but he was always checking out his own reflection, always fussing with his hair or his shoes. I couldn’t be with a vain man.’

‘He was sending himself up a lot of the time.’

‘I know he played up to the role — but it was based on truth. He and Michelle were like the perfect accessories for each other. I was never sure if there was much to their relationship beyond the surface.’

‘I think there was. Just because they were glamorous, it doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other. I remember the way Phil used to talk about Michelle. I’m sure he loved her.’

Andrea shrugged ‘Well, you knew him better than me, so maybe he did. Maybe all that gloss just distracted me from the substance underneath.’

As they headed towards the restaurant, Frank thought back to one of the last conversations he’d had with Phil. After they stopped working together they kept in regular, if occasional, contact. They met maybe once or twice a year. Sometimes at each other’s houses with Andrea and Michelle there too, at others just the two of them for lunch or a drink when they happened to be in each other’s part of the country. Frank would tell Phil about developments on the programme: who had left, who had joined, the latest budget cut, the sinking morale. Phil would tell Frank funny stories of A-list celebrities, monstrous egos and associated bullshit. Inevitably, though, what they talked about most were the old days. The fortune-telling parrot that bit Frank, the skateboarding dog that caught Phil in the balls, the alcoholic sports correspondent, the philandering weatherman, the stories that broke nationally, the unsolved mysteries, their favourite interviews.

A few weeks before his death, Phil phoned Frank. Phil normally called during the day, but this call came late one evening as Frank was about to go to bed.

‘Howdy, pardner.’

‘Hello, mate.’ Frank glanced at his watch. ‘Shouldn’t you be in your lead casket by now? Cucumber slices placed carefully over your eyes.’

‘Sadly, Frank, the days of cucumber slices are long gone; they just don’t cut it any more. I sometimes look in the mirror and have to accept that I’m not the man I once was. I console myself, though, with the thought that I look a hell of a lot better than you will when you reach my age.’

Frank noticed Phil was slurring his words. ‘I suspect you look better than I do now.’

‘Well, you will insist on wearing those cheap suits. I’ve always told you how ageing poor tailoring is.’

‘And I’ve lost sleep over it. What are you ringing for anyway?’

There was silence for a moment, then Phil said: ‘You know I love Michelle, don’t you.’

Frank frowned into the receiver. ‘Of course I do. Have you been drinking?’

‘I have, actually. I’ve just finished off a bottle of Glenfarclas, but that’s beside the point. I love her very much.’

‘I know. It’s good that you love her. She’s your wife.’

‘I mean … you know she’s a lot younger than me; she could have married a young man, but she chose me. I never want her to regret that.’

‘Why would she regret it? She loves you. Why don’t you go to bed?’

‘I’m going, I’m going. I just wanted to call you. I wanted to tell you, because you’re a mate, one of the best. You know that, don’t you? I mean all joking aside. We take the piss, don’t we? We have a laugh at each other. We always have, but you know, don’t you? Don’t you?’

Frank was smiling at his end of the phone. He’d never heard Phil so drunk. He was relishing the prospect of reminding him about the call when he was sober. ‘I know what?’

‘Oh, you’re trying to make me say it. You’re a tease. You know what I’m talking about. Shush …’ Phil whispered the next bit: ‘I love you.’ His voice went back to normal volume: ‘There, I’ve said it! Not in a funny way. You know that. Man to man. Mates. I know you think I’m a flash bastard. But I love you, Frank. Oops. Said it again. I love Michelle too. I never want her to regret it. She won’t regret it.’

‘No one’s going to regret anything, Phil. Except you in the morning. Go to bed now. Go and have a sleep, okay?’

‘Okay, Frank. I’ve embarrassed you. I know, I know. That’s okay. We’re mates, Frank. You know the funny thing? I’m going to tell you a secret. All my life I’ve been scared, but tonight, when I’ve got something to be scared about, I’m not scared at all. I’m not scared, Frank.’

‘All right, Phil, well done, not scared, very good, now go to bed. Don’t worry about anything. Go and have a lie down.’

‘Night, Frank.’

‘Night, Phil.’

A quiet Phil phoned a few days later to apologize.

Frank laughed. ‘Don’t worry about it. I’m a loveable man, why wouldn’t you ring me up late at night and tell me how you feel? I’m amazed you’ve suppressed it so long.’

‘I’m sorry, Frank.’ Phil seemed entirely lacking in bounce.