Gerbrand Bakker - June

‘Aren’t they all soft and slimy?’

‘Yes. But these ones have a hard bit too.’

‘Where?’

‘On their back maybe.’

‘I don’t get it.’ She rubs her finger over the worn, soft part of the cuttlebone.

‘Me neither. It’s rubbish anyway, it doesn’t help at all.’

‘It’s all dirty.’

‘Let’s get some more water.’

‘OK.’

‘Or would you rather go to the pool?’

‘No!’

On the way to the little house with the long name, Dieke looks around. There are dead people buried everywhere, that’s what Uncle Jan said. But not all dead people come here, some prefer to be burnt. He said other things too, and she was glad when they started scrubbing the stone, and secretly she thought about the swimming pool after all, and Evelien too.

‘Do you want to do it?’

‘No.’

Uncle Jan turns on the tap and waits with his hands on his hips until the bucket’s full.

‘There’s a bird in there,’ she says.

‘Hmm.’

‘On a string.’

‘Hmm.’

‘It’s dead too.’

Uncle Jan turns the tap off again without any trouble at all. She watches him closely and can’t work out why she couldn’t manage it before.

‘Why?’ she asks.

‘What?’

‘That bird?’

Only now does he look in through the window. ‘That’s a magpie.’

Dieke sighs.

Uncle Jan empties the bucket over the stone in a few splashes. He chucks the bits of cuttlefish into the bucket, together with the sandpaper and the wet rag, uses the screwdriver to lever open the paint and stir it. Then he gets the wet rag back out of the bucket and wipes the screwdriver clean. Wet rag and clean screwdriver go into the bucket, which he puts down on the shell path. ‘So,’ he says. ‘Now we’ll just wait till it’s dry again.’

‘OK,’ she says.

‘Do you know what a bogeyman is?’

‘No.’

‘Neither do I. In the old days Grandma and Grandpa used to tell us stories about the bogeyman to scare us. They said he lived in the ditches. That’s how they kept us away from the water.’

‘Why?’

‘You can drown in water. They were always scared of us drowning.’

‘Didn’t you have swimming lessons?’

‘Of course, but not till we were about five or six.’

‘What’s a bogeyman?’

‘A great big monster that grabs you if you get too close to a ditch. In the ditch between your house and my parents’ house, there’s a spot where there’s always bubbles coming up. Do you know where I mean?’

Dieke thinks about it. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘That’s marsh gas, but my father always said it was air bubbles from the bogeyman.’

‘Grandpa?’

‘Yes, your grandpa.’

‘Was it really air bubbles? Is that where the bogeyman lived?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘It’s a bit scary.’

‘Yes, that’s why he said it. And do you know what happened the first time Johan went to a swimming lesson?’

‘No.’

‘He asked the pool attendant if there was a bogeyman in the swimming pool. “What’s that?” the pool attendant asked. “He bites,” said Johan. He was terrified. The pool attendant laughed and said that the only thing that might bite him would be water fleas and they were so small you wouldn’t even feel it.’

‘Do they bite?’

‘I don’t think so. Have you ever felt them biting you?’

‘No. How old was Uncle Johan then?’

‘Five, I think. The same age as you are now.’

‘And you?’

‘Seven. And once we were there when lightning struck.’

‘Really?’

‘Yep. The whole swimming pool was full of people and then there was a thunderstorm. The pool attendant blew his whistle three times and everyone got out of the pool straight away. Johan and I went to sit in a changing cubicle. Johan was really scared and kept asking if the storm was going to go away again. He was as bad as Tinus, the dog we had back then; once he crawled into the cellar during a thunderstorm. We started counting.’

‘Counting?’

‘Yep. If you see the lightning and the thunder comes nine seconds later, then the thunderstorm’s three kilometres away. The less seconds, the closer it is. When there was hardly anything left to count, I pulled myself up on top of the cubicle door and, just when I had my head up over the door, the lightning hit the water.’

Dieke thinks of Evelien and hopes a thunderstorm doesn’t come now.

‘It was like a blanket of light over the water. Everywhere, from the paddling pool to zone four. I got such a fright that I let go of the top of the door.’

‘And then?’

‘It was like I’d seen the swimming pool’s skeleton.’

‘Huh?’

‘As if the swimming pool had been turned inside out.’

‘And Uncle Johan?’

‘He was sitting on the bench shivering.’

‘Inside out,’ says Dieke. ‘I don’t get it.’

‘I didn’t get it either. It was weird.’

‘Why wasn’t Daddy at the swimming pool?’

‘He already had two certificates. He preferred to go swimming in the canal. He thought the pool was childish.’

‘If lightning hits the swimming pool does it kill you?’

‘Yes, I think it would.’ Uncle Jan slides the T-shirt on his head back and forth a couple of times, as if it’s itchy underneath. ‘That headstone’ll be dry now, don’t you think?’

‘Is that your wife under the ground?’ Dieke asks.

‘You what?’

‘Your wife?’

‘I don’t have a wife. Never have.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because.’

‘Oh,’ says Dieke.

‘This is your auntie buried here.’

‘I don’t have any aunties.’

‘Um, no, you don’t. Because she’s here.’

‘Who?’

‘Oof,’ says Uncle Jan. ‘Hang on a sec.’ He tips everything out of the bucket and walks over to the little house with it. Then he comes back and puts the bucket, which is filled up almost to the rim, down in front of her. ‘Dip your head in here if you get too hot.’

‘Do it yourself,’ she says.

‘OK.’ He kneels down, puts his hands on the ground either side of the bucket and sticks his whole head in, T-shirt and all.

After a while, Dieke starts whistling. Sometimes things go faster if you whistle. ‘Uncle Jan!’ she calls. But he can’t hear her, of course. What else did he say a minute ago, when they were sitting on the bench? That when you’re dead, the world doesn’t exist any more? She pulls on his shoulder, which is oily, her hand slides off. She grabs the knot of the T-shirt and pulls her uncle’s head up out of the bucket.

‘At last,’ he says.

‘Not funny,’ says Dieke.

‘I was only joking. I was waiting for you to rescue me.’ He leaves the soaking T-shirt where it is, tied around his head. Water trickles out of his nose. ‘Ow,’ he says, brushing bits of shell off his knees. ‘Why don’t you go see if those blue tits are still in the tree?’

She bends forward, thinking of the day she got her swimming card, takes a deep breath and plunges her head into the bucket. She’ll show him . She can already feel the hand reaching to pull her out again, her shoulder’s itching a little. She opens her eyes and quickly closes them again. Why doesn’t Uncle Jan help? She’s had her head stuck in this bucket for at least a minute now. I should have breathed in more first, she thinks. Just a little bit longer now. She can do it, even if her chest already feels like it’s full of cotton wool. Come on, pull me out! She jerks her head back up and feels her wet hair slap her on the back. ‘Why didn’t you do anything?’ she bawls.

Uncle Jan stands there very calmly and looks down at her with his arms crossed. ‘You don’t want the world to stop existing yet, do you?’ he says.