Teddy Wayne - The Love Song of Jonny Valentine

Me and Walter hit the executive hotel gym that was reserved for celebrities and super-rich people. That’s the good thing about New York, they have everything set up separately already for celebrities and rich people. They have it like that in L.A., too, but so many people are celebrities in L.A. it’s harder to divide them, so instead it’s more like keeping the A-listers from the B-listers and down. Jane had to remind Walter to run me through my cross-training cardio routine, though she didn’t say what we were all thinking, which is that Rog usually does it. I know all the routines by heart anyway.

Walter wanted to shower in the executive locker room instead of his hotel room since he didn’t like the water pressure there, and there was security for the gym so it was okay for me to be alone for a couple minutes. I waited there for him all sweaty because I’m never ever supposed to shower in a public place. A computer terminal for guests was near the door. Now at least I’d know if my father was coming, and if he couldn’t afford it, I could ask Walter for help. Walter would do it. He owed me still.

My pulse jumped like it always did when I saw there was an email from him from two days ago.

At your invitation I got a ticket for the concert. How do I meet you?

He left his cell number. So he really was coming. If I asked Walter to call him, he’d know something was up and would tell Jane because he was afraid of getting fired again. And even if I used my room phone and reached him, I’d have to get away from Jane somehow and he’d have to convince security that Jonny Valentine had asked to see him privately, and they’d probably be like, Certainly, sir, please get in line behind all the other child predators who want to molest him. I wrote

I am figuring it out. I can’t check this again before tonight.

At lunch I ate soup and nothing else that would make me throw up and drank tons of Throat Coat with honey. Even though I was near the end of the game, I didn’t play Zenon like Jane said I should, since I wanted to stretch more. I did vocal warm-ups on the way to the Garden the most carefully I’d done them in a long time. Walter didn’t even talk to me in the car like he usually does to calm me down. He could see how serious I looked. I might not have the raw and refined talents of Tyler Beats, but no one can get into the Jonny Zone like I can.

When we pulled up to the Garden for sound check there was a crowd of security guys waiting for me. That’s one thing New York is worse for than L.A., everyone still has to go through the same streets and entrances. But the car we took wasn’t flashy and it was early enough in the day that no one really noticed me, except having five huge security guys with headsets huddled around me made people stop and stare on the street since they knew someone important must be around, and that made more people stare. Sometimes I think if I walked around normally by myself for a day in regular clothes and my hair not in The Jonny, no one would pay any attention.

I looked for my father in case he was hanging around outside the Garden, but there were a million guys who could’ve been him from a distance, and besides, obviously he wasn’t, and even if he was, Jane was with me.

The star/talent room was the best one I’d had on my entire tour. It was the size of our entire living room at home, and there was a big-screen TV set up with an eight-speaker sound system.

I was on Level 100 of Zenon, so I could’ve even finished the game before the concert started, but I also didn’t want to distract myself when I was in the Jonny Zone. Jane came in and told me I had an hour to kill and I should just relax. Her telling me to relax so much made me not relaxed. Someday before a concert she should tell me to get super-nervous, and then I’d probably feel totally relaxed. She was wound up, too, because I could tell she wasn’t looking up presale numbers today on purpose. They had to be low still, or else Stacy wouldn’t have cared about my late-show interview. The label doesn’t mind what you do as long as you’re moving product.

So I walked around the Garden tunnels with Walter, and barely anyone was in them yet. There were a lot of tunnels, but with maps everywhere telling you where you were so you didn’t get lost. Walter didn’t talk while we walked. In the middle we found a side entrance opening to a path to the stage, and I poked my head out for a second to take it in. It was the same size as any regular arena, but it seemed a lot bigger. Empty preshow arenas always look huge, though. In my head I ran through the set list for the night at first, but then I tuned out and didn’t think of anything besides my breathing, except every few minutes my brain would be like, I wonder if I’ll see my father tonight, or if he’s actually coming, or if it’s all a prank, or what I’ll say if I see him, and I’d notice I wasn’t breathing too good. I kind of wished we could keep walking around like that in the tunnels forever. Most of the time on tour, I went in cars from hotels to venues to the bus. I never got to explore.

I was lucky that so much more of my life now was recorded than a normal kid’s, so in the future, if I ever wanted to think back on something, I could find footage or an article about it. But there were some moments that no one was recording, and it was up to me to remember them, and maybe sometimes you had to tell yourself to freeze a moment in your brain or else it would just file it away with all the others. Most people would remember how it felt when they were about to debut at Madison Square Garden, but I told myself, Remember what it’s like to walk around these tunnels with Walter when no one else knows you’re there. When you’re not Jonny Valentine the singer. When you’re not even regular Jonathan Valentino. You’re not anyone, in a way.

And this could’ve been my last big show, if the label dumped me or I went back to school. Then I’d be not anyone again, in a different way. It could be nice, like walking in the tunnels the rest of my life.

I was happy Walter was with me, though. It’d be scary down there if I was on my own.

After what I guess was an hour, Walter told me we were due back. If I didn’t have my show, I bet he wouldn’t have minded walking around for a lot longer. I know he’s paid to hang out with me, and if I wanted to keep hanging out he basically had to until a certain point, but you never worried about wearing out your welcome with Walter. If he didn’t feel like talking, he said he was tired, brother, but he never needed to go away for alone time.

It took us a little time to find our way back to the star/talent room, and we ended up on the opposite side of the entrance in another hallway and I thought we had to go all the way around, but Walter noticed there was a back door into it, and he found a maintenance guy to unlock it. That’s something Walter’s good at, figuring out what to do when your first option doesn’t work, especially for building entrances and exits to avoid crowd interference. I should do those walks before all my shows, but not every venue has an underground level that’s hidden away like that.

My sound check was strong, and even Jane, who usually doesn’t say a sound check went good because she doesn’t want me to get lazy, said it was my best one yet. Before I went back to the star/talent room, she bent her knees to talk in my face.

“I know this has been a rough tour,” she said. “I want you to know I’m very proud of what you’ve done on it. And no matter what happens tonight, that’s what matters.” Her voice cracked at the end and her eyes crinkled up.

“I know,” I said, and I hustled away to the star/talent room before she might cry. That was the last thing I wanted to see before the most important night of my life.