Curtis Sittenfeld - Eligible

“He’s not pressuring me to do it,” Jane said. “He said the choice is mine, and if we have to wait until March or April to be together, it’s fine. But, Lizzy, by March I’ll have a newborn. I’ll be in a different place emotionally, and so will Chip. I want us to become parents together. There’s no guarantee that if we try to pick up later where we left off tonight, it’ll work.”

After a few seconds, Liz said, “I wish I didn’t agree with you. Here’s what I don’t get, though — why can’t you just move out to L.A., rent an apartment, and see him really discreetly?”

“I asked that, too, and he said he thinks the producers won’t allow it. He thinks they’re okay with us being together if it’s sort of under their control, or if they’re benefiting from it, but otherwise, they’ll say it’s too great a risk. Chip gets recognized much more in L.A. than in other places.”

“Jesus,” Liz said. “And I thought Mom tried to boss us around.” Both sisters were quiet, and Liz added, “Just the idea of you, the sweet yogini, having your wedding nationally televised — it’s very weird.”

“I know,” Jane said. “I used to have such specific opinions about what my wedding would be like. Remember that game we’d play where we’d pick out our bridesmaids? But that was a long time ago. I’m forty, and I’m about to have a kid. I don’t care about the ceremony. I’d rather just be married to Chip and get on with our lives.” Jane glanced at Liz. “Maybe I’ve lost my mind.”

“Well, I agree that you’d be ratings gold,” Liz said. “I’d tune in to see Chip Bingley marry a beautiful pregnant lady. But do you realize what you’d be opening yourself up to? You’d be on the cover of celebrity gossip magazines.”

“Really?”

“ Yes, Jane. Without a doubt. You’d have to sign a contract just like Chip, and one of the things it would require you to do is talk to the media. Plus, tons of trashy websites that you hadn’t talked to would say whatever they want about you guys. Did Chip mention compensation?”

“Like money?”

Liz nodded.

“Vaguely,” Jane said. “At this point, it’s still not definite that Eligible wants to do a wedding special with us. The next step is for Chip and me both to sit down with his agent and that producer.”

“Has the producer seen a picture of you?”

“I don’t know.”

“I bet Chip showed her one. Trust me, Jane, they’ll want to do it.”

“The only way I’ll agree to it is if all of you are there,” Jane said. “Mom and Dad, obviously, and you and Mary and Kitty and Lydia and now Ham. Do you think they’ll go on TV for my wedding?”

Liz laughed. “Some of them.”

“Will you?”

“Sure,” Liz said. “For you.”

“Does this all seem crazy?”

“Yes,” Liz said. “But I think you and Chip genuinely love each other.” She patted her sister’s arm. “I’m glad he wised up.”

ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, A maelstrom of activity was swirling. The following evening, while it was still afternoon in Los Angeles, Liz, Jane, and Chip participated via speakerphone from Liz’s apartment in a conversation with both Chip’s agent, whose name was David Scanlon, and the Eligible producer with whom Chip had discussed Jane, whose name was Anne Lee. It was decided that two days hence, when Chip flew back to Los Angeles, Jane also would journey west, on a different flight. In the meantime, Jane would begin filling out the many forms meant to facilitate her background check.

“Why do they need to do a background check on me if we already know each other?” Jane asked Chip when the call had concluded.

Chip and Liz answered at the same time. “They’re being thorough,” Chip said as Liz said, “Because they don’t want Chip’s family to sue them if you turn out to be a psychopath who kills him on your wedding night.”

Jane and Chip were seated on the couch, holding hands, and Jane looked at him. “I’ve never even met your parents,” she said. “I hope they’re not mad at me.”

“How could anyone be mad at you?” Chip said, and he kissed her.

But given that Chip’s parents were also the parents of Caroline, Liz thought, who knew what they’d be like? Even if they were genial in the extreme, watching their son marry a pregnant woman they’d never met, on national television, could not be a cherished dream. Then again, since that same son had chosen to appear on two separate seasons of Eligible, perhaps his parents would understand how much worse than Jane they might have fared with a daughter-in-law.

As for Caroline herself, spending time in her presence at the wedding filled Liz with a dread exacerbated by the assumption that Darcy would be Caroline’s date. For no one other than Jane would Liz have subjected herself to such circumstances.

IN THE MORNING, Chip and Jane rented a car and drove together to Rhinebeck, where they would stay the night before Jane collected her belongings and bid farewell to Amanda and Prisha.

The following day, Amanda called Liz and said, “This is really what Jane wants? To get married on TV to the guy who dumped her the minute he found out she was pregnant?”

Even under normal circumstances, Liz found Amanda a bit intimidating — if Liz hadn’t suspected Amanda would scoff at the idea, she’d have loved to write about her as a Woman Who Dared — and Liz tried not to sound meek or defensive as she said, “I certainly didn’t try to talk Jane into it. And if you’re upset about her quitting her job, you should talk to her, not me.”

“We can find another yoga instructor. But I’ve always thought Chip Bingley was a total phony.”

“Had you met him before yesterday?”

“No, but I swear those were crocodile tears he cried in his season finale.” Quickly, Amanda added, “I don’t watch the show, but Prisha does. Liz, if Chip leaves Jane again, I’ll do him bodily harm.”

“I’ll do it for you,” Liz replied.

“Prisha wants to talk to you,” Amanda said. There was a lull as the phone was passed, then Prisha’s excited voice. “Do we get to come to the wedding?” she asked.

WHAT THE PRODUCERS envisioned, Jane explained to Liz over the phone from California, was a three-day event at a resort in Palm Springs. The first night would be separate, simultaneous bachelor and bachelorette parties. The second night would be the rehearsal dinner. The third afternoon would be the wedding. Jane and Chip would be permitted to invite twenty guests total, all of whom would stay at the resort and all of whose travel expenses would be covered. The couple would receive a payment of $200,000, which Chip insisted should be Jane’s and which Jane insisted should be equally divided among her family members after Chip’s agent — now their shared agent — kept his 10 percent.

“You don’t have to pay me to come to your wedding,” Liz said. She’d been washing dishes when Jane called, and she turned off the faucet. “It would give me more peace of mind if you opened a secret bank account and put the money there. Are you and Chip signing a prenup?”

“We haven’t talked about it,” Jane said. “But if we didn’t trust each other, we wouldn’t be getting married.”

Said like a woman blinded by love, Liz thought, but not signing a prenuptial agreement could only be to her sister’s advantage.

“They want everything to happen two weeks from now,” Jane was saying. “From a Wednesday to a Friday, because that’s when they can rent out the whole resort. Do you think that’ll work for people?”

“Kitty probably has the most rigid schedule of any of us now that she’s in school,” Liz said. “But I bet she can miss a few days.”