Сол Беллоу - Dangling Man

A month ago when we visited him (he invites us for meals frequently, thinking, presumably, that we do not get enough to eat), he made such a scene when I refused to take some clothes he was thrusting on me that Ira at last whispered pleadingly, "Take it, Joseph, take the stuff!" and I gave in. lggolly, my sister-in-law, is a pretty woman, still slender, large-bosomed, but attractively so, dark, with fine hair combed upward in a way designed to make the most of her neck. She has a very graceful neck; I have always admired it. It is one of the traits my fifteenddyear-old niece Etta has inherited.

To me it has always been one of the exquisite characteristics of femininity; I can well understandwhy it provoked the prophet Isaiah to utter the words: "Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet: therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will discover their secret parts."

It astonishes me that the same association should be in both our minds, though with a different cast.

Certainly it is the "stretched forth necks," or delicacy in conjunction with the rugged ancient machinery of procreation, that has for a long time been identified in my imagination with feminine nature. Here the parallel ends, for I am the very opposite of vindictive in regard to this duality and have, indeed, foddund pleasure in recognizing it.

My niece and I are not on good terms; there is a longstanding antagonism between us. Ours was not a rich family. Amos tells frequently how he struggled, how badl he was dressed as a boy, how little my father could give him. And he and Dolly have brought up Etta to identify poverty not so much with evil as with unimportance, to feel that she, the daughter of a wealthy man, is worlds apart from those who live drably, in ill-furnished flats, without servants, who wear inferio clothing and have so little pride as to be debtors. She prefers her mother's people. Her cousins have automobiles and summer homes. I am in no way a credit to her.

In spite of our antagonism, I had until lately tried to influence the girl, sending her books and, on her birthday, record albums. I knew I could have little effect on her. But when she was twelve I undertook to tutor her in French as a means of broaching other subjects. (her father, naturally, wanted her to be accomplished.) I was unsuccessful. My missionary eagerness betrayed itself too soon, before I had her confidence. She told her mother that I was teaching her "bad things." And how was I to explain to Dolly that I was trying to "save"

Etta? It would have been insulting. Etta hated the lessons, by simple extension she hated me, and if I had not given her an excuse for discontinuing them, she would soon have found one.

Etta is a vain girl. I am sure she spends a great many hours before the mirror. I am sure, also, that she must be aware of the resemblance she bears to me. It goes beyond the obvious similarities pointed out by the family. Our eyes are exactly alike, and so are our mouths and even the shape of our ears, sharp and small-Dolly's are altogether different. And there are other similarities, less easily definable, which she cannot help recognizing and which-our enmity being what it is-must be painful to her.

At dinner the talk, in which I scarcely took part at first, was of the hardships of rationing. Dolly and Amos are coffee drinkers but, as patriots, they tempered their complaints with resignation. They turned next to shoes and elothg. Dolly's brother, Loren, who represents a large Eastern shoe firm, had warned them that the government intended to limit the sale of leather goods.

"We couldn't get along on four pairs a year," said Doily.

But that was unpatriotic, wasn't it? The contradiction was too plain to be unnoticed.

"You have to take into account what people are accustomed to," said Amos; "their standard of living. The government overlooks that. Why, even charities don't give the same amounts to any two families. It would cause too much hardship."

"Yes, that's what I meant," said Dolly.

"You couldn't call it hoarding."

"No," I replied. She had addressed herself to me..

"Later on there'll be a run on clothes, too," assertedAmos. "That's the way the consumer market is when people are earning."

"Of course, Joseph won't have to worry. The Army will take care of him. But we poor civilians @?

"@ccloseph would be indifferent, anyway," said Ira. "It wouldn't affect him. He never buys more than one pair of shoes a year."

"He isn't on his feet much," said Etta.

Her mother gave her a sharp look.

"I do lead a sedentary life," I said.

"That was all I meant, Mother," said Etta.

"He doesn't worry about any of those things too much, was what I meant," Ira continued, speaking quickly. "He doesn't particularly care what he eats, either, just so it's food. It was no problem pleasing him when I used to cook."

"It's a blessing to be that way. Amos is so hard to suit. You wouldn't think they were brought up by the same mother."

"He wasn't so easy to raise in all respects," Amos said with a smile across the table.

"When are you going into the Army, @ccoseph?" asked Etta.

"Now, Etta," said Amos reprovingly.

"Uncle Joseph, I'm sorry. When are you going?"

"I don't know. Whenever God wills."

This amused them.

"He's certainly taking His time about it," said Dolly.

"There's no hurry," Iva interposed. "The longer the better."

"Oh, of course," Dolly said, "I know how you feel."

"But Joseph doesn't feel that way about it, do you, Joseph?" Amos looked pleasantly at me. "I'm sure he'd like to find out how to hurry Him up. It isn't only the waiting, but he'll miss out on his chances for advancement. he ought to get irt there and become an Officer Candidate."

"I don't think I want to try to make an officer of myself."

"Well, I don't see why not," said Amos.

"Why not?"

"As I see it, the whole war's a misfortune.

I don't want to raise yself through it."

"But there have to be officers. Do you want to sit back and let some duck do what you can do a thousand times better?"

"I'm used to that," I said, shrugging. "That's the case in many departments of life already. The Army's no exception."

"Iva, do you intend to let him go in with that attitude? A fine Army we'd have."

"It's my conviction," I said. "Ira couldn't change it, and I'm inclined to think she wouldn't want to. Many men carry their ambitions over from civilian life and don't mind climbing upon the backs of the dead, so to speak. It's no disgrace to be a private, yo. u know. Socrates was a plain foot soldier, @? hoplite."

"Socrates, eh?" said Amos. "Well, that's a good and sufficient reason."

A little later in the evening, Amos, calling me aside, led me up to his bedroom and there, producing a hundred-dollar bill, thrust it Iike a handkerchief into my breast pocket, saying, "This is our Christmas present to you."

"Thank you," I said, pulling it out and laying it on the dresser; "but I can't take it."

"Why can't you take it? Nonsense, you can't refuse it.

I tell you, it's a present." He picked up the bill impatiently. "

"Be a little more hardheaded, will you? You're always up in the air. Do you know what I paid in income taxes alone last year?

No? Well, this isn't a drop in that bucket.

I'm not depriving myself of anything to give it to you."

"But what will I do with it, Amos? I don't need it."

"You are the most obstinate jackass I've ever seen. You can't stand being helped even a little, by anyone."

"Why, this is your shirt I'm wearing, and these are your socks. I appreciate them, but I don't want anything else."