Bruce Wagner - I'll Let You Go

Grandpa Lou chuffed awhile with “my Danish friend” before retiring to the library to look over the maquettes of his future grave.

The walls of the vast “Withdrawing Room,” three thousand square feet in area and two stories tall, were fronted by an ornately paneled restoration of fifteenth-century Italian wood intarsia. Trompe l’oeil murals of Piranesi’s Imaginary Prisons hung in other spaces: mossy, forbidding underground expanses. Amid thousands of vellum volumes were priceless gouaches and oils — smallish Bonnards, Twomblys and Klimts — old spheres and compasses, a letter and poem written in French in van Gogh’s hand—

Tell me the story simply, as to a little child.

For I am weak and weary, and helpless and defiled.…

Tell me the story always, when you have cause to fear,

That this world’s empty glory, is costing me too dear

— a scale model of Vanbrugh’s Temple of the Four Winds (appropriated for the cover of his grandchildren’s private school’s literary magazine), a similarly scaled version of Le Corbusier’s chapel at Notre-Dame-du-Haut that he’d picked up while in Paris with Trinnie and her fiancé, a shrunken eighteenth-century Louis XVI mahogany armchair, a sixty-year-old potted two-foot-high grove of bonsai juniper trees ($23,000, from Dimson Homma in Manhattan), an original pilaster from the Pantheon and a minuscule copy of the Bacchus Room at Villa Barbaro. Among gaudy torchères were a clutter of miniature “stairways to heaven,” their atheistic steps ending as abruptly as a hangman’s scaffolding. Mr. Trotter commissioned such a spiral for his grave; the cabinetmaker David Linley did a mock-up, delivering it with a Carlton House — style writing desk, gratis. Knowing his client’s taste for follies, he painstakingly built a detailed replica of the famed Russian grotto at Kuskovo to span the tabletop’s length.

Which brings us to the finely detailed tomb fantasias — twenty-five to date, on pedestals — and he walked among them, chuffing and musing. The idea came to him after visiting the Hollywood Forever Cemetery near Gower. The handsome young midwesterner who owned the place told Trotter that a family mausoleum could be had for around two hundred thousand “off the shelf,” though available models were rather wretched. It was then that the old man recalled a contest in Copenhagen, a kind of peacock affair, in which architects submitted plans for a series of shed-size garden pavilions, and luminaries such as Graves, Botto and Isozaki had applied. The concept was a bit precious (like those books that feature celebrity doodles), but when he saw photographs of the eclectic, somber, spirited results, he heard his calling and came closer to solving an endgame puzzle too; he would make a contest to design his grave.

In short order, the “Trotter Funerary” became one of architecture’s hot cynosures — handling the big themes on a small, elegiac scale was a natural for the vanity portfolio, even if the designs remained unbuilt. Mr. Trotter personally contacted the world-class talents whose aesthetic captured his fancy. He would have them create miniatures of projected works — temple, sculpture, earthwork — the only requisite being that each was no larger than 300 square feet. Anything could be submitted: a pile of “sacred” rocks would do. He remembered the megalithic slabs of Avebury, in the bare, chalky downs of southern England’s Wiltshire … let the tourists troop down Westwood ’s Wilshire to see the Trotter Stones, a ring of nineteen just like those at Penzance, waist-high in broom sedge and gorse, hard by the graves of Marilyn and Burt, Dean and Natalie and John (Cassavetes). Oh, he liked it. Let there be tors and barrows, hollows and cairns! It had all gone swimmingly, even though he couldn’t for the death of him make up his mind: so far, the only entry taken out of the running was Richard Meier’s; Trinnie gibed that selected future wags would call his crypt “a Getty gift shop adjunct.” There it sat, withdrawn in the Withdrawing, a small, slick white-tiled elephant.

Here they were, then: Gehry’s neoclassical bowl-shaped marble carp, an homage to Louis XIV’s obsession as much to the gefilte fish of his youth; George Hargreaves’s loamy waves of rattlesnake- and blue-grass; a tiny replica of the incestuous tomb of Halicarnassus (built for Mausolus and Artemisia, a married brother and sister); a pistachio-colored room built by Renzo Piano, its floating roof’s aluminum petals powdered and powered by the sun; a Frank Stella “Dresden” folly with entrance through a berm; a copper barrel-vaulted “dwelling” by Bartholomew Voorsanger from a drawing by Mies, with climate control, olive wood interiors and walls of gneiss hewn from one of Mr. Trotter’s own quarries; Charles Jencks’s Alice in Wonderland miniature golf course plot of sliced ponds, carved crescent tumuli and grassy ziggurats; a “mouth of Hell” martyrium; Len Brackett’s mortise-and-tenon teahouse, inspired by the Pine-Lute Pavilion (wood planed so smoothly it required no sealant); a cunning replica of the James Smith — designed mausoleum at Greyfriars churchyard in Edinburgh; Rafael Moneo’s stone ruin of a seventeenth century — style cloister, with echoes of his own Our Lady of the Angels still taking shape in downtown L.A.; Rem Koolhaas’s stainless-steel cage and huge rusty oculi with ghostly elevator that silently motored to the roof; another stairway to nowhere from Predock, made of water and riverstone; Herzog and de Meuron’s nod to their famed Yountville winery, with more gneiss, ground up and held together by signature mesh — the old man loved the way the light filtered through the arrowhead shards into the sanctum; two curved walls that formed parentheses, after a children’s area conceived by Noguchi for a park on the island of Hokkaido; Robert A. M. Stern’s playful Palladian villa (the only one Trotter had had built to scale, for chez Pullman); a Hellenistic pyramid, typical of those found in Constantine and Tripolitania, stretching skyward into obelisk sleekness; a sixth-century Palmyrene tower-tomb, four stories tall, with burial compartments on each level; various bronze maidens weeping over TROTTER-emblazoned sarcophagi; an angel leading a downcast naked man of formidable physique into a stained-glass tomb; Tadao Ando’s Gordian sluice of bamboo-shaped aqueducts; Lauretta Vinciarelli’s classic enfilade of slick aluminum sheds; Zaha Hadid’s symbolic, mournful tekton bridge; Daniel Libeskind’s zinc-clad bunker, stabbed eerily by unframed window openings (you peered in and saw empty vitrines, as if in an abandoned museum. Dodd liked this one best); Shodo Suzuki’s Zen garden of pine, bamboo, irises and azaleas; and Trinnie’s favorite, after a tomb at cobblestoned Lachaise — a painted couple staring out from the crypt’s window frame with a kind of haunted, remonstrating indifference.

That was the image he turned over while drifting to sleep in the master bedroom of the main house. The California king felt good; he hadn’t slept on it in years. What brought him back there tonight? His wife would be home from Cedars tomorrow. Tomorrow, like a mad scientist, he would return to the “bespoke” Murphy bed that sprang from the vast study’s muraled wall.

We have described how Louis Trotter and the boy closed the night. But what of Trinnie?

Ron Bass had, in fact, been at the gala. Inadvertently introduced to Ralph Mirdling, he was most gracious and kind, even correctly pronouncing his name. Thus charmed, the fledgling screenwriter unraveled.

Home from the Animal CAT-scan Ball, she sent the boyfriend back to his Koreatown single and promptly went to bed. Couldn’t sleep. Threw on clothes and raced down the hill, tucking the old chocolate-brown Cabriolet beneath a suppurating magnolia. Through a bosk of cottonwoods was a hillock with a culvert, but the drain wasn’t real. There was a wad of chain link deep inside the baffle, and a lock for which only she had the key.