Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

He tried calling T 2’s cell, bored, horny, imagined it ringing beside her dead body, or ringing ringing ringing while she was being raped by the police. Hung up & went back to Biggie & Martin, the mantis (Biggie) & the hummingbird (Martin), lit the crack pipe, scoped the 3 torn-out pages, thought about going for TimTams, handfucked for a hot sec to Emma, jacked to Rob, Biggie Martin hummingbird MUTE pipe jack/rob lowe’s dick in his mouth emma back to rob back to emma back to rob back to emma he cums kitchencookie jar no gum in the hardware drawer useless phonecall to TomTom TimTams UNMUTE

rub

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off (Lea Michele’s hairyhaileejewish arms&pussy he thought about going to the tube that featured CATEGORY: HAIRY/JEWISH

There they are: side by side: the Mantis and the Hummingbird.

Can You Spot the Differences?

morephonecallstoTomTom morekitchentrips more crackpipejacking GBH mantisjack biggie biggie martin i love lucy who ate the fucking cookies tries to jack can’t cum finally sleeps.

Domain Change

“Hey,

guest what , sunshine? Alice doesn’t live here anymore! Not for long, anyway… that is correct , we are moving . We are movin & groovin — to Mt. Olympus! You heard me, biatch , we are chariots on fucking FIRE. Tell you more about it later, hon, you will not believe how it came down, the opportunity , man, it is all gunna happen , it’s all happening , & you better start wishing large , Large Boy, cause right now there aint a in the sky that’s gonna say no to you. Lotsa airplanes in the night sky, sunshine. When you SWISHER ’pon a star, makes no diff— & on top everything, it’s a moneybag year , Chinese moneybag year , did you know that, Holmes? Bet you didn’t. Young money, cash moneybag.

“Man shit Jerz, you look like shit warmed over. You gotta cut back, dude, cause I can’t be bailin you outta no psych ward, I ain’t got the time . And my shit’s just gonna get busier… just take a shower, OK? you fuckin smell , can you please just take a frickin shower? Pretty please? Jesus pull up your fucking pants, that bumster shit aint gunna play up on Olympus, playground of the gods… here, let me help, that’s a good boy, & no I will not suck your dick while I’m down there, you couldnt get it up anyway… see? See that? I sucked & it aint gettin close. You probably can’t even feel it. That’s one mushroom cryin in the rain, aint growin like the rest of em. That’s one dead fuckin shroom. Straighten up, Jerzy! Straighten up your room, boy, straighten up your shroom! Straighten the fuck up . That’s some short woody you got there, Woody. You aint gonna be peckin too much with that woodpecker, Woody.

“All right, come on, let’s go sunshine, I’m puttin your skeevy unshowered ass to bed right now, shit man, you know maybe you need a girlfriend, a steady fuck might tighten you up, cause you’re married to that pipe, you’re becoming a sadsack eunuch mutherfucker, & I aint shittin you Jerzy, the Tom-Tom train is on its way , friendy-friend, bout to pull out the station . Today, I secured the mothership! We bout to take legal possession , & as you know sweet cheeks possession is 9/10s of the law… choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo — that’s right, baby boy, one foot after the other, you doin real well , we’re putting you to beddy-bye cause the Tom-Tom train is leaving the station & you best not be running down the track all tryin to hop on…

“All aboard! Last stop: Mt. Olympus! We all gonna be Mounties, we be Mounties listenin to that Sermon on the Mount! & if you expect to have a place onboard , my friendy-friend-friend, you have got to get yourself togethuh . Cause we are dust, we are golden. & we got to get ourselves back to the— ouch! Now come on tweety-pie, stop draggin your mutherfuckin feet, man you are a sorry-ass crackhead mutherfucker. What the fuck happened to you? You know we oughta see if your sister wants to fuck you, pregnant girls are always way horny, you see em rubbin up against posts like a cat when nobody’s lookin… maybe ReeRee could use a little on the side! Maybe ReeRee needs your peepee HAHAHAHAHAHA! O don’t look all like that, you know you’d love it. Hell, I’d love it. I might just lend a helping hand. Like a good neighbor, Tom-Tom is there… Cause I know how to cervix a pregnant gal, Sue Sylvester-style. Tell you what, when sissy & me are a happy couple, all cozy, I’ll invite you over once in a while, you can help me give her head. Good help is tough to find these days. She’ll already have had the kid, & by then another’ll be on the way, but this time it’ll be a celeb’s baby, none of this teen mom boyfriend shit. We want a kid with an annuity. Get us like an Ashton love child. Make him pay through the nose… but I am telling you, once sissy’s mine? There is no way I would let you tap that solo , no fuckin way .

“You know what you’ve got to learn, Jerzy? What you need to learn is how to move the fuck on . Stop your cryin . Man that shit is unbecoming. I know what time it is. You’re still crying in your bong about Jigger Blue. The night is bitter, & Jerzy lost his nigger… oops I mean jigger… and all because of the Jew-schvartzuh who got away! Sunshine, you have got to move on —just like Jennifer & Renée & Demi & Ashlee & Scarlett & Sandra . Those girls know how to get laid , then move the fuck on . They make a movie with a guy, they’re armored up cause they’ve been hurt too often, but he’s gorgeous, never mind he’s been married 4 times & cheated on his last wife while she was having chemo — you know, they’re thinking maybe this is the one, they lower their guard, get all vulnerable & involved— the publicists already have the brakes on, cause the publicists know what’s coming, they see the breakup even before the hookup, the pubs are smart, except for the one who got her ass shot on Sunset, & they start saying shit like they’re just friends yoddy yoddy they value each other like good friends , all that yoddy yoddy horseshit, but suddenly the is head over heels, usually the guy she’s tripping on is a of way lesser magnitude, the pubs are freaking because they know the whore’s track record, but it’s too late, PDA pics are flooding the internet proving the authenticity of their love, & why not, who would begrudge, doesn’t the dirty whore deserve to have a boyfriend who’s maybe going to lead her to marriage & babies? Hasn’t she been unlucky in love enough ? Hasn’t she dodged every STD known to science in her career as a who fucks lesser s? Hasn’t she succeeded in hiding the 2 miscarriages & the 2 ectopics? Hasn’t she put that pussy through bootcamp, & isn’t she old enough to be dead in the ovaries? Oh & she tries to go forward with a degree of caution because she’s been burned before but this time fuck it sure does feel like it’s going to last , the Bad Boy sucks & fucks every hole, ooh he’s good at it too, even fucks the holes in her , every hole the bitch has, & you know there must be holes only celebs have, I am telling you, Holmes, s are different than you and me! And then o shit someone leaks that the relationship is slipping away , the pubs of course knew it was coming, they rush in and say no no no! That’s bullshit, they’ve never been happier — as a couple—& here are pictures from their holiday in Hawaii to prove it! Then: BLAM BLAM BLAM they’ve got sperm & egg on their faces both parties are moving on! O they still think the world of each other, they’re going to continue their relationship as friends , but they’ve decided to move on because — get this, Jerzy! I read it on the US Weekly website — shit I can’t remember what couple it was about but it said, it said, they decided to move on because ‘at the end of the day, they weren’t on the same page’— At the end of the day they weren’t on the same page!!!! I swear Jerzy that’s what it said!