Gavin Corbett - This Is the Way

But my father would not say this, he would not say anything. He started up the van again. I looked out the passenger window, I seen Arthur stood his back to the wall, looking at us move away slow.

We drove on by the river, walls on our right the water on our left. We were driving on cobbles and the suspension on the van was broke and I could feel every cobble under us. Ahead of us were the taller buildings in Dublin.

My father looked up in his mirror. Look at him fucking scavenger he says.

I says why you want to be going in Dublin father and not going for the bridge. Father you’re not going to leave Arthur now and no way of him getting back home I says.

He looked in the mirror again he says he has his eighty pound he can get home.

I says why you shout at Arthur and why you leaving him left like this.

I don’t want him around no more says my father. He is bad for you Anthony he says.

Father this is not the way I says.

Anthony shush now he says.

Father I says. Listen now father I says.

The van slowed and slowed, my father’s foot weaker on the pedal the further he got and his eyes falling to the road in front and then to nothing until he stopped.

And he gripped the wheel tight and his head came forward. And the cross on the mirror came to rest and the sea gulls screeked outside.

I says father.

And fuck it he says and he brought the van around in a U turn.

And there was Arthur on ahead, back to us, walking on, his head down checking the ground, scanning it for what could be got.

First thing Arthur did when we got back to Judith’s silver Ford estate car was check the tail gate. He got down on his haunches, he put his hand below the window. The tail gate was open a crack and he looked in the crack. He jammed the tail gate up and down.

He says this thing was rattling on the way I thought it could be opened.

He took a stone from the ground and he went around the side of the car. He smashed the window on the driver’s side, he opened the door and he got in.

He says are you not getting in.

I says is there glass.

He says a bit but it’s all on my side.

We drove up the road the way we came all them hours before, we turned left and drove over the high part of the mountains again. We dropped down taking the road skirting the mountain sides. In the light of the headlamps I seen the brown bog turned to gorse and trees. Houses and the city of Dublin was on our left. There was a sign ahead pointing the way to Dublin down another road. When we came to the sign Arthur stopped the car, pulled it over to the side. He had his sleeves rolled up. He looked desperate, filth all over him.

I says everything all right with you.

You can walk it from here he says.

I says what.

It’s not far to your father’s house he says, it’s three mile or so it’s all down the hill.

I says I am not going back to me father’s house. Sure it’s dark now.

You’ll be all right once you get to the first houses down the hill he says.

Why don’t you drive me down I says.

I can’t he says.

Why not I says.

I can’t go back anywhere near Dublin he says.

Why can’t you I says.

Psychological he says.

What would you know about psychological I says.

I can’t Anthony he says. They’ll be after me sure. Go on now. Get back to your father’s place. That is your place, your father is dying he says.

Would you fuck off out of it I says me father is not dying.

He is says Arthur.

Serious I says.

Not dying dying he says.

Fuck off I says.

He’s dying on his own, things is getting in on him Arthur says. That is your place.

That’s not me place I says.

That house in Dublin’s not your place that is an awful place he says.

You liked it long enough I says.

Long enough he says.

I says you owe me rent for it.

Go on he says.

I looked down at Dublin. It was black and orange and there was a sea haze or smoke on it. The lights of it were shaking. Two white lights on two tall chimneys in the bay were blinking. Two red lights on a plane in the sky were blinking too.

I says where you going to go.

Off he says.

Off I says.

Off away he says.

Are you taking this car I says.

Don’t be telling no one about this car he says.

What kind of place is away I says.

It’s a place I seen clear in me head just recent he says.

England I says.

Maybe England he says.

Canada I says.

Maybe there too he says.

I got out the car I closed the door. I went around his side and put my face to the broken window.

Right I says to him. Well fuck off away so.

He looked at me, then he looked ahead of him. I stood up, stood back into the middle of the road, and the car went off, on, away.

My mother’s father, one of the big Gillaroos, proved himself a decent man coming to our house and telling us all that he knew, the things that he heard. Here it is another story about the Sonaghans and the Gillaroos, the bones and the rest of it. Happened not long ago.

A year on from my trip to the Gillaroos another Sonaghan came through that hotel near Rath I stayed in. He was looking for the same things I was, could be said. He was looking to make the peace, but he was looking for one person. He came down because of a wedding. The wedding was on the next day but when he came into Rath he seen the party was already started. The chippers were full and the people were spilling into the street and the pubs were full too and the one or two country pubs were deserted. The person to ask about things was a country person but the country people had left the town these few days, there were none of them left in the town. The person to ask now was a guard so he went up to a guard, there were plenty of them in the town. He says to the guard where is the bride staying tonight and the guard said to him the Wu Tang Park Hotel.

The hotel car park was full of cars and the bar in the hotel was full of people. Every Gillaroo by the look of it was back in Rath the few days and it seemed a lot of them were following the bride. The man thought if he stayed in the bar long enough he would see the bride. This is what he did.

He was nervous about it to begin, he was sitting in the wasps’ nest, a Sonaghan man, and he thinks to himself I cannot relax. He kept his left hand in his pocket or by his side, he kept it in a tight fist, his fingers over his thumb. After two pints though his head started to relax, he thought kind thoughts. He looked about him he thought it was a fine bar and a fine hotel, a great thing indeed that people like themself could build a place like this for themself where they could sit and enjoy a drink. The evening went on he even got relaxed enough he could talk to others. He went to the bar and he hit a fella on the shoulder, he did not mean it, he fell into him, but anyhows the end of it was the fella says to him come and join us for the cards. The next couple of hours so he sat with a group of them were playing cards. The thing about it was the more he played the cards the more concentrated he became in the cards and it sobered him a bit what it did, because the effect of it was he did not go to the bar again the whole time, he did not want anyone pulling tricks on him. The others playing were just as concentrated, their head was down, everyone was in it to win. They were playing more serious, the money in the pot was getting bigger and bigger, then all a sudden a noise started the other side of the bar. It was a whoop, a screek, and people were clapping their hands. The man looked up from his cards he seen the others in the group standing up out their seat and looking toward the end of the bar. He got up too he seen everyone was standing clapping their hands and whooping. They were all looking at the person he came to Rath to see, the beautiful bride he thought as he seen her.