Roddy Doyle - The Commitments

— I jammed with the man.

— FUCK OFF!

— Leicester Mecca, ’72. Brother James called me on for Superbad. I couldn’t give it my best though because I had a bit of a head cold.

He patted the scooter.

— I’d ridden from Holyhead in the rain. I didn’t have a helmet. I didn’t have anything. Just Gina.

— Who’s she?

— My trumpet. My mentor always advised me to imagine that the mouthpiece was a woman’s nipple. I chose Gina Lollabrigida’s. A fine woman.

He stared at Jimmy. There wasn’t a trace of a grin on him.

— I’m sure you’ve noticed already, Brother Rabbitte, it was wild advice because if it had been Gina Lollabrigida’s nipple I’d have been sucking it, not blowing into it.

Jimmy didn’t know what was going on here. He tried to take control of the interview.

— What’s your name, pal?

— Joseph Fagan, said the man.

He was bald too, now that he’d taken his helmet off.

— Joey The Lips Fagan, he said.

— Eh — Come again?

— Joey The Lips Fagan.

— An’ I’m Jimmy The Bollix Rabbitte.

— I earned my name for my horn playing, Brother Rabbitte. How did you earn yours?

Jimmy pointed a finger at him.

— Don’t get snotty with me, son.

— I get snotty with no man.

— Better bleedin’ not. — An’ are YOU tryin’ to tell me that yeh played with James Brown?

— Among others, Brother.

— Like?

— Have we all night? — Screaming Jay Hawkins, Big Joe Turner, Martha Reeves, Sam Cooke, poor Sam, Sinatra. — Never again. The man is a thug. — Otis Redding, Lord rest his sweet soul, Joe Tex, The Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, Little Stevie then. He was only eleven. A pup. — More?

— Yeah.

— Let’s see. — Wilson Pickett, Jackie Wilson, Sam an’ Dave, Eddie Floyd, Booker T. and the MGs of course, Joe Tex.

— Yeh said him already.

— Twice. Em — an unusual one, Jimi Hendrix. Although, to be honest with you, I don’t think poor Jimi knew I was there. — Bobby Bland, Isaac Hayes, Al Green.

— You’ve been fuckin’ busy.

— You speak the truth, Brother Rabbitte. And there’s more. Blood, Sweat and Tears. The Tremeloes. I know, I know, I have repented. — Peter Tosh, George Jones, The Stranglers. Nice enough dudes under the leather. I turned up for The Stones on the wrong day. The day after. They were gone.

— Yeh stupid sap, yeh.

— I know. — Will that do? — Oh yeah, and The Beatles.

— The Beatles, said Jimmy.

— Money for jam, said Joey The Lips. — ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE — DOO DUH DOO DUH DOO.

— Was tha’ you?

— Indeed it was me, Brother. Five pounds, three and sixpence. A fair whack in those days. — I couldn’t stand Paul, couldn’t take to him. I was up on the roof for Let It Be. But I stayed well back. I’m not a very photogenic Brother. I take a shocking photograph.

By now Jimmy was believing Joey The Lips. A question had to be asked.

— Wha’ do yeh want to join US for?

— I’m tired of the road, said Joey The Lips. — I’ve come home. And my mammy isn’t very well.

Jimmy knew he was being stupid, and cheeky, asking the next question but he asked it anyway.

— Who’re your influences?

— I admit to no influences but God My Lord, said Joey The Lips. — The Lord blows my trumpet.

— Does he? said Jimmy.

— And the walls come tumbling down.

Joey The Lips explained: —I went on the road nine, no ten maybe eleven years ago with a gospel outfit, The Alabama Angels, featuring Sister Julie Bob Mahony. They brought me to God. I repented, I can tell you that for nothing, Brother Rabbitte. I used to be one mother of a sinner. A terrible man. But The Lord’s not a hard man, you know. He doesn’t kick up at the odd drink or a swear word now and again. Even a Sister, if you treat her with proper respect.

Jimmy had nothing to say yet. Joey The Lips carried on.

— The Lord told me to come home. Ed Winchell, a Baptist reverend on Lenox Avenue in Harlem, told me. But The Lord told him to tell me. He said he was watching something on TV about the feuding Brothers in Northern Ireland and The Lord told the Reverend Ed that the Irish Brothers had no soul, that they needed some soul. And pretty fucking quick! Ed told me to go back to Ireland and blow some soul into the Irish Brothers. The Brothers wouldn’t be shooting the asses off each other if they had soul. So said Ed. I’m not a Baptist myself but I’ve a lot of time for the Reverend Ed.

Jimmy still had nothing to say.

— Am I in? Joey The Lips asked.

— Fuck, yes, said Jimmy. — Fuckin’ sure you’re in. — Are yeh on the phone?

— Jesus on the mainline, said Joey The Lips, — tell him what you want. 463221.

Jimmy took it down.

— I’ll be in touch with yeh. Definitely. The lads’ll have to see — to meet yeh.

Joey The Lips threw the leg over his scooter. His helmet was back on.

— All God’s chillun got wings, he said, and he took off out the gate, over the path and down the road.

Jimmy was delighted. He knew now that everything was going to be alright. The Commitments were going to be. They had Joey The Lips Fagan. And that man had enough soul for all of them. He had God too.

* * *

The Commitments used the garage of Joey The Lips’ mother’s house for meeting and rehearsing. The house was a big one on the Howth Road near Killester and the garage was big too.

When they all got there the first time Joey The Lips had it filled with chairs and rugs. They sat back while Joey The Lips counted them for tea-bag purposes.

— Strong tea, Brothers? he asked.

There wasn’t an answer so he threw fifteen bags into the pot.

They were all there, their first time together.

Jimmy Rabbitte; manager.

Outspan Foster; guitar.

Deco Cuffe; vocals.

Derek Scully; bass. (He’d bought one, fourth-hand — he thought it was second — for £60. The amp and cabinet were £40 extra and sounded it. He’d made a deal with his ma. She’d paid for the bass and gear and he had to pay the video rental for the next eighteen months. There were no flies on Derek’s ma.)

James Clifford; piano.

Billy Mooney; drums.

Dean Fay; sax.

And Joey The Lips.

This was the first time they’d seen Joey The Lips, and they weren’t happy. He looked like a da, their da; small, bald, fat, making tea. He was wearing slippers, checked fluffy ones. One thing made him different though. He was wearing a Jesse Jackson campaign T-shirt.

— Is this the entire band here, Brother Jimmy? Joey The Lips asked.

He was handing out mugs.

— This is it, said Jimmy.

— And what have you been listening to? — You said my man, James Brown, didn’t you?

— Yeah, said Jimmy. — We’ll be doin’ Night Train.

— I like what I hear. — And?

— Eddie Floyd. Knock On Wood, yeh know.

— Ummm.

— Percy Sledge, said Jimmy.

— When a Man Loves a Woman?

— Yeah.

— Lovely.

— That’s all so far really, said Jimmy.

— A good start, said Joey the Lips. — I have some Jaffa Cakes here, Brothers. Soul food.

When they heard that they started to tolerate him. When he took out his trumpet and played Moon River for them they loved him. Jimmy had been annoying them, going on and on about this genius, but now they knew. They were The Commitments.

When they’d finished congratulating Joey The Lips (—Fair play to yeh, Mr Fagan.

— Yeah, tha’ was deadly.

— The name’s Joey, Brothers.) Jimmy made an announcement.

— I’ve some backin’ vocalists lined up.

— Who?

— Three young ones.

— Young ones. — Rapid!