Roddy Doyle - The Snapper

— Step — Step — Cha Cha Cha — An’ there we go. Your turn, Tracy. — No, wrong foot. You’re the lady. Good girl. An’ off we go. Two — Three — Four — an’ One — Two — Three — Four — an’ One — Step — Step — Cha Cha Cha. It’s all comin’ back to me.

— Dinner, Veronica roared.

Jimmy Jr came in.

— Has Da been dnnkin’?

Jimmy Sr was in after him, followed by Linda and Tracy.

— Do we still have tha’ Joe Loss LP, Veronica?

— Wha’ are you grinnin’ at?

He was talking to Jimmy Jr.

— LP, Jimmy Jr sneered. — It’s an album.

— Oh, said Jimmy Sr. — I forgot. We’ve Larry fuckin’ Gogan here with us for the dinner. Spinnin’ the discs, wha’.—It’s an LP, righ’.

— Fair enough, Twinkletoes.

— I’ll fuckin’—

— Shut up and eat your dinner, said Veronica.

— Certainly, Veronica, said Jimmy Sr.

He looked down at his dinner.

— My God now, tha’ looks lovely. I’m starvin’ after all tha’ dancin’. I could eat the left leg o’ the Lamb o’—

— Don’t! said Veronica.

Jimmy Sr chewed, and swallowed.

— Mind you, girls, he told the twins. — I always preferred the Cucarachas to the Cha Cha Cha. You can really swing your lady in the Cucarachas.

Jimmy Jr laughed. So did Sharon.

— Fuck yis, said Jimmy Sr.

Darren dashed in. He had news for them.

— Pat said his da’s after runnin’ away from home.

Jimmy Sr looked up from his dinner.

— Pat who?

— Burgess.

Jimmy Sr burst out laughing. Jimmy Jr and the others joined in.

— Is Georgie Burgess after runnin’ away? said Jimmy Sr.

— Yeah, said Darren. — Pat said he fucked — ran off last nigh’. His ma’s up to ninety. He’s says she’s knockin’ back the Valiums like there’s no tomorrow.

— She would, said Veronica.

— Poor Doris, said Jimmy Sr. — That’s a good one though.

— Here, said Jimmy Jr. — He’s prob’ly gone off to join the French Foreign Legion.

— That’s righ’, yeah. Where’s he gone, Darren?

— Don’t know. Pat doesn’t know. He said he just snuck ou’.

— Sneaked, said Veronica.

— Yeah, righ’.

— That’s a good one all the same.

Jimmy Sr was delighted.

— Where’s Sharon gone?

— She must be gone to the jacks.

— She’s always in there.

— Leave her alone. She can’t help it, said Jimmy Sr. — Ran away, wha’.—That’s a lovely chop.

— That’s a lovely chop, said Linda.

— Don’t start, you, said Jimmy Sr.

He grinned.

— Who’ll be managin’ yis now, Darren?

— Don’t know, said Darren. — He might come back.

— Jaysis, I hope not.

Jimmy Sr filled his mouth again.

— Ran away, wha’.

— Yeah, said Jr.

— Tom Sawyer, said Jimmy Sr.

He laughed.

* * *

Sharon was in her parents’ bedroom, looking out across at the Burgess’s.

It was frightening. She was sure Mister Burgess running away had something to do with her but she hadn’t a clue what. And she was sure as well that this wasn’t the end of it; there was more to come.

What though? She didn’t know. Something terrible, something really terrible—

Oh God—

She’d have to wait and see.

She stood up off the bed. The bad shakes were gone. Her chest didn’t hurt as much. She’d go down and finish her dinner.

On the way down she went into the toilet and flushed it.

* * *

— Tom Sawyer, wha’, said Jimmy Sr.

— Exactly, said Bimbo.

They all laughed again.

— That’s the best ever, said Bimbo. — Gas.

— He must have a mot hidden away somewhere, said Paddy.

— Si, Bertie agreed.

— Who’d fuckin’ look at HIM? Jimmy Sr wanted to know. — The state of him.

— Have yeh looked at yourself recently? Paddy asked him.

— I’m not runnin’ away, am I? said Jimmy Sr. — Fuckin’ off an’—an’ shirkin’ my responsibilities.

— Shirkin’? said Bertie.

— Fuck off.

— He’s not tha’ bad, said Bimbo.

— Yeh fancy him yourself, do yeh?

— No!

Bertie and Paddy laughed.

— Bimbo goes for the younger lads, Jimmy Sr told them. — Isn’t tha’ righ’?

— Ah lay off, will yeh. — I can’t understand it. Yeh know, the way queers — like each other.

— D’yeh think about it much? Paddy asked him.

— No! — Nearly never. Lay off.

Bertie put his pint down.

— So the Signor Burgess has vamoosed, he said.

— An’ shirked his responsibilities, said Paddy.

— Fuck off, you, said Jimmy Sr.

— Poor Doris an’ the kids, said Bimbo.

— Why don’t you adopt them? said Paddy.

— Would you ever leave me alone, said Bimbo.

— Tell him to fuck off, said Jimmy Sr.

— I will, said Bimbo. — Fuck off.

— Make me.

* * *

What WAS he up to anyway?

Sharon pulled on her other boot. She sat up slowly. God Jesus, her back really hurt her when she did that, after being bent down. She put her hands on her belly. She could feel it shifting.

What was he fuckin’ up to?

The baby butted her.

— Take it easy, will yeh, said Sharon.

She got her money off the bed and put it in her bag. She hoped to God Yvonne wouldn’t be there tonight. Maybe she’d be better off staying at home—

— Ah fuck this, she said.

And she got up and went out.

* * *

— Jesus; poor Yvonne though, said Jackie.

— Yeah, said Mary and Sharon.

— Maybe we should go round to her, said Jackie.

— Ah no, said Sharon.

— Yeah, said Mary. — I’d be too embarrassed.

— Mm, said Jackie. — Can yeh imagine it? Jesus!

— Jesus, yeah.

* * *

She waited. She knew she’d have to get up and go to the toilet at least once more.

He was going to do something really stupid, she was certain of that.

She sat up. She’d go to the toilet now.

Something really, really stupid.

She’d just have to wait and see, that was all. — People were going to find out — her mammy and daddy—!

Oh God, if that-!

She’d just have to wait and see.

She got back into bed.

* * *

Sharon wasn’t long waiting and seeing. Linda woke her up. This was the night after Darren had broken the big news.

— Sharon, said Linda.

She was scared.

— There’s someone throwin’ things at the window.

— Yeah, said Tracy.

She wouldn’t get out of the bed.

— Who’s throwin’ things? said Sharon.

— Don’t know.

— Yeah.

— Let’s see, said Sharon.

— I’m not lookin’, said Linda.

Sharon went over to the window. Just before she reached it there was a neat little bang.

— Oh janey! said one of the twins.

Someone had flung something at it. That frightened Sharon. She parted the curtain a little bit. The bedroom light was out but she could see nothing in the garden.

But then she saw someone, behind the hedge at the back, in the field. He — it looked like a man — was bent down. Then he stood up and came through the gap in the hedge, over the wire, and it was Mister Burgess.

Sharon nearly died.

He stood there in the middle of the garden at the place where Les was supposed to do the digging. He was looking up at her window. — How did he know? — Then she saw his hand move up from his side, the palm towards her. Then there was another bang.

She jumped. He’d just lobbed a little stone at the window. She let go of the curtain.