Benyamin: Goat Days

Evening came. Night came. Again we lay on the sand. A whole night passed during which we did not utter a word to each other. I didn’t think I had the strength to live through that night. But I survived. I was alive the next morning.

The wind had subsided and the morning was unusually serene. We slowly got up, neither of us uttered a word. Hopes and expectations had come to an end. We only wanted to reach some place. I did not even want to reach any place, I just wanted to die as soon as possible. I couldn’t withstand the thirst and the heat any longer. Allah, save us, as you saved Hakeem from this hell.

My feet did not fall firmly on the ground as we walked through the sand. I was walking like a half-dead person. Ibrahim offered to carry me on his shoulders many times. I didn’t let him. I knew that I would die that day. Only that much of life was left in my body. I decided to walk hoping I would die more quickly if I walked.

After walking for some time, we spotted the footprints of some creatures on the sand. Light signs of their furtive excursions. Ibrahim followed them and saw where they led. They stretched far and ended in the wild. Confirming that it was the desert’s heartland, he led me in the other direction. We might have walked till around noon when all of a sudden we spotted a big lizard on the sand.

‘Lizard!’ crying loudly, Ibrahim ran after it. I didn’t understand his excitement. I was already swaying in half-sleep. Hoping to fall any time …

‘Najeeb, did you see that? It was a lizard!’ Ibrahim cried joyfully.

‘So?’ I frowned.

‘Do you know what a lizard in the desert means? It means that there’s water somewhere near,’ he said gleefully.

‘Really?’ Suddenly, I came awake with hope.

He nodded. ‘Now we have to be extremely careful with every step. We shouldn’t go back into the desert. This is our last chance,’ Ibrahim warned.

Therefore, we walked very carefully. With each step, we looked for more lizards. We moved in the direction towards which they had fled. We had reached the top of a sand dune when I saw it clearly. Green tops at a distance! Date palms. Small shrubs. There had to be water nearby! After that I didn’t know whether I was running or flying. Forgetting all fatigue I rushed there. Although my legs were as heavy as an elephant’s, I ran, dragging them along. Although my legs were cut and were bleeding, I ran over stones ignoring them. Ibrahim Khadiri was behind me. Even though I had walked longing for death, the desire to live was deep within me. Maybe it was that craving that helped me hold on to life till the very end.

Since I was sure about the presence of water I ran madly through the thick shrubs. There was the buzz of a thousand bees in my head. A thousand white circles soared in front of my eyes. I could relate to Hakeem’s mad gestures in his last moments. I had become mad with thirst. I moved here and there, running in all directions. But Ibrahim looked for water in a calm, systematic manner. He looked for spots with more greenery. Places where the sand was damper. Finally he found a small pool among the shrubs. He raised his hands to the heavens and cried aloud, ‘Allahu Akbar! Water! Water! Allahu Akbar!’

My head was ablaze when that sound fell on my ears. I ran towards him like a madman. When I saw it, my eyes opened wide with wonder. A small pool amid the shrubs. So much water! Crazy with thirst, I dashed towards it. Suddenly Ibrahim pulled me away. ‘Don’t drink!’ he shouted. My eyes blazed. My blood boiled. Gathering all my strength, I hit him on his neck. He staggered at that unexpected assault.

Again I moved towards the water. Then Ibrahim caught my legs and dragged me to a distance and laid me down. ‘Let me off, dog. I am thirsty! I must drink water,’ I screamed.

But he wouldn’t let me go. I hit my chest and cried. ‘My Lord, why do you make it so difficult for me to get what I long for? Strike this villain down with lightning. I walked with him all these days. He killed Hakeem. Now his plan is to kill me. That crook will finish all the water in the pool. I won’t even get to moisten my tongue. I must drink some water before I die. I must know its taste,’ I struggled and screamed.

Since Ibrahim had taken me so far away from the pool I had no strength to get up and go towards it. He went to the pool. I closed my eyes unable to bear the sight of him finishing up all that water.

All of a sudden, I felt a dampness on my lips. I opened my eyes. Ibrahim was sitting near me. He had a wet piece of cloth in his hand. He was moistening my lips with that. Greedily, I opened my mouth. As a drop of water from it fell on my tongue, I sprang up as if burned with acid. He again dabbed my mouth with that cloth. Drop by burning drop of water oozed on to my tongue.

Again, Ibrahim went and wet the cloth. Water forced its way through my tongue into my throat. That moistness reached my stomach burning all the sore spots. It was only after my mouth was moistened fully that the burning sensation slowly ebbed and a thirst began to grow in me. Ibrahim walked me to that spring. Scooping water in his palms, he slowly poured it into my mouth. I drank till I was fully satiated. I felt, with pleasure, the wetness spreading to each cell of my body. Finally, after I drank enough, I fell down on the ground exhausted. It was only then that Ibrahim Khadiri took the wet cloth to his own parched tongue for the first time.

I sobbed heavily recalling my pettiness.

We stayed at that oasis for the next three days. We drank enough water and ate dates from the palm trees. We slept enough and washed off the fatigue of all those days from our bodies. But the pain, swollen legs and burnt soles remained. Every morning Ibrahim went out to scout the area and returned in the evening. His goal was to locate human presence, so that we could find out more … Was there any way for us to get out? Where were we? And so on.

On the very first day, Ibrahim rejected my offer to go with him. ‘In the desert, you are like a fast-withering flower. The next step in your journey will begin only after we find a proper route.’ I was scared that he would lose his way during his wanderings and not be able to come back for me. I valued his companionship and did not want to be alone on this earth. Worry welled up in me when he was late to return. I couldn’t imagine being lonely. I would be at ease only after I caught sight of him on some distant sand dune.

Once Ibrahim Khadiri left for the day, I would walk around the entire oasis. Usually, the greenery of an oasis spreads over many acres. Arabs and travellers visit the place. This was nothing like that. It could have been the world’s smallest oasis, it was so tiny. It had a pool, some date palms, some unknown cacti, some small plants. Surrounding this little green patch was an endless stretch of sand. A tiny oasis. God’s own Garden of Eden. I often wondered if God had created the oasis only for us.

On the afternoon of the third day, Ibrahim returned happy. It meant that he had seen something that pleased him. Dragging myself, I approached him. ‘What, Ibrahim, any signs of a road?’

‘We’re not very far away from life, Najeeb,’ he said. ‘Today, I discovered three stones. Three stones used by humans. Some people had come that way. Lit a fire in a hearth made with stones to cook food. It is a good sign.’

The next morning, we walked in that direction. It was pointless to stay in the oasis for much longer. So we left the safety of water to go where Allah would take us. I also saw the stones Ibrahim was excited about. That open area did not have loose sand. As we went around inspecting it, a path slowly became visible. A path made by regular vehicle traffic. More evidence of human presence. It could have been a spot city dwellers frequented for fun. If that was the case, this path would surely lead us to a safe destination! Again our hope that we would be saved began to swell. With that hope we hurriedly followed the path. At each turn, behind every hill, we expected human presence. But that path took us through barren and uninhabited land. Then, we saw it. A long mark, like the lines on the squirrel’s back, running through the middle of a sand dune! My ravenous eyes spotted it from far away. Hurriedly I ran towards it.