Peter Geye: Safe from the Sea

Noah toured the rest of the museum like a somnambulist. A collection of ship models and more photographs chronicling the nautical history of Lake Superior filled one room. Recovered relics from Great Lake shipwrecks — forks, lanterns, life vests, a teakettle, a sextant, a compass, an oil can, a coal shovel, a brass bell — lined the glass cases that circled another exhibit. A row of small rooms replicated the cabins of different ships, a sort of timeline of living conditions aboard Great Lakes freighters. A steam-turbine tugboat engine, circa 1925, twenty feet tall, rose between the split-level entry. And the museum’s centerpiece, a model pilothouse complete with an antique wooden wheel, a chart room, and a brass Chadburn set to full steam, sat in the middle of the main hall.

From behind the wheel Noah looked out onto the lake. Although it was dark, he could see through the bare branches of a maple tree. Beyond the canal breakwaters and the channel lights the lake disappeared into an even deeper darkness. To his left, he knew, the hills stretched above town, shrouded in a chrysalis of late-autumn mizzle. And behind him the aerial bridge loomed like a skeleton.

Back outside, he resumed his spot at the breakwater. He heard the Erindring before he saw it. The ship blasted its horn, giving notice to the bridge-keeper. One long blow, like a cello’s moan, followed by two short blows was responded to in kind. The warning arms dropped on either side of the bridge, and it rose. A couple minutes later and the freighter was in full view, pushing through the pewter lake fog and faint harbor lights. It moved slowly, almost imperceptibly, and Noah marveled — as he had maybe a thousand times before — at the original notion of a million pounds of floating steel.

A faint hum accompanied the steaming ship under the bridge as it eased its way through the channel, past Noah, who had walked out to the end of the breakwater. The muted drone and eerie slapping of water against the hull accentuated a silence that seemed to grow as the ship inched its way nearer the end of the pier. When the first quarter of the bow passed, it was quiet enough that he could hear two men standing on the pilothouse deck, speaking a language he didn’t recognize. One of the men tossed his cigarette into the lake and nodded at Noah. In another few seconds the stern was even with the end of the breakwater and the hum replaced by water gurgling up from the prop. For five minutes Noah watched the ship until it disappeared into the eventide.

NOAH STOOD AT the breakwater thinking of Natalie long after the Erindring had passed into the darkness. After he had hung up with his father the day before, he sat on the edge of the bed in dumb disbelief. He heard his wife come into the bedroom, and when he looked up she was leaning against the door frame in the oversized Dartmouth sweatshirt she wore around the house.

“Who was that?” she asked.

“My father.”

She stepped fully into the bedroom and stood before Noah. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s sick.” Noah looked back down. “I told him I’d come home.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No.” He stood and put the phone back in the bedside cradle. “It’s probably not a very good idea. But why would he call? I have to go, don’t I?”

“Noah, you haven’t seen him since our wedding.” There was a tone of incrimination in her voice.

“He’s old, Nat, and this sounded serious.”

“If you think you should go, then I guess you will.” With those cryptic words she walked down to the basement for her treadmill workout. Noah was too stunned — both by Natalie’s reaction and his conversation with his father — to follow her.

Later, as Noah packed, Natalie lay in bed with her laptop open and files spread around her. She hadn’t said much all night, and the weight of her silence was troubling. “Want to tell me what’s on your mind?” he said.

She clapped her laptop shut and gathered her files. The look she gave him could have cut glass. “You don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

“There are other things now, Noah.”

He looked at her, confused.

“Never mind,” she said, leaning over to turn out her lamp. “If your father’s ill, you should go. I hope it’s not serious.”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s nothing. Forget it.”

“Hey,” he persisted, going around to her side of the bed, “why aren’t you talking to me?”

“I said it’s nothing,” she said and pulled the covers over her head.

Noah knew her dismissals to be final, so he let her go to sleep. It was only later, while he lay in bed himself, unable to sleep, that he understood her chagrin: It was time to try to get pregnant again.

Natalie was a woman wholly given to her convictions. Because just about everything in her life had gone according to plan — by virtue of some good luck but more hard work — their inability to have a child had become, for her, less a thing to puzzle over than proof that she had exhausted all her good fortune. Her fatalism drove Noah crazy, and he had recently become apathetic about their travails. Though he resented their childlessness, he simply did not see it as a reason to cease with the rest of his life. Oftentimes, it seemed, she did.

He tossed and turned, weighing his father’s phone call and all that it portended against his wife’s sorrow. He thought of waking her, of telling her that he understood why she was so sad but that he had to brave this homecoming. He thought of taking her in his arms, hoping his embrace would prove his devotion.

But he didn’t wake or embrace her. He lay awake nearly all night, falling asleep only after the first hints of light had filtered into the bedroom. When he woke a couple of hours later she had already left for work.

NOW HE WALKED back to his car and drove up Superior Street to the Olde Hotel, where he checked into a lakeview room. Natalie had never visited Duluth, and he was glad of her absence now. It seemed not only right to be alone but a relief.

He dropped his bag on the settee and walked over to the window and spread the curtains. He knew he should call her. She would expect a call.

He called Ed instead. Three years ago Noah had quit teaching history at a Brookline prep school and bought an antiquarian map business he’d seen advertised in the back of Harper’s . His single employee was a retired marine colonel. Ed was dependable to a fault and was looking after the store while Noah was away. Over the phone he reassured Noah that he needn’t worry, said he’d call if he had questions, and told Noah firmly to go take care of his ailing father.

Outside, the rain had stiffened and was washing away the fog. Noah kept his eyes on the lake while he dialed home.

“Hey,” he said, “it’s me.”

“It’s you,” she said, the sound of her voice taut with disappointment.

“I’m in Duluth. I got here about three hours ago, too late to drive up to Misquah. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I got a hotel room. I’ll drive up there in the morning.”

He noticed a light gathering form out on the lake.

“Okay,” she said. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Listen, Nat, I’m sorry about how I left.”

“It’s not how you left, Noah. It’s that you left.” She took a deep breath. “But I think you know that.”

It was his turn to take a deep breath. What could he say to appease her? “I said I was sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize.” He heard the refrigerator crunching out ice, her glass of water before bed.

“I didn’t plan this, Nat.”

“You haven’t seen your father in more than five years, Noah. You’ve hardly talked to him.”