Fouad Laroui - The Curious Case of Dassoukine's Trousers

AMIR ( interrupting her in turn )

But it’s not about that! You were talking about death all the time. That was the ultimate truth. “Life is nothing but a dream,” you said…

SYLVIE ( she interrupts him again )

That’s Calderón de la Barca: “What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a fiction…All of life is nothing but a dream, and dreams are nothing but dreams.”

AMIR

I thought: “Might as well die then.” But if everything was just going to start over, eternally, thanks Nietzsche, what a nightmare! I was stuck. And Pascal, with his “last bloody act”…I had some difficult months because of you.

SYLVIE ( taken aback )

Because of me?

AMIR

Yes!

SYLVIE

And that’s why you insisted on coming back here yesterday when you recognized me in that little café on the coast? That’s why you asked me to meet you here at the high school? ( A pause. ) This score to settle, it was… it is with me, then?

AMIR

Yes.

SYLVIE ( laughs nervously )

If we were in an Agatha Christie book…Should I be worried? ( She looks toward the door. ) Is a constable or a moghazni coming to arrest me? For causing you distress when you were fifteen years old?

AMIR

No, no…That said, there’s some truth to what you said. ( He stares at her. )

SYLVIE ( uneasy )

Alright, let’s go, you’ve had your fun, let’s go now.

AMIR

No!

( He leaps toward the door, blocks it with a chair and stands before it, arms crossed. )

SYLVIE

I don’t find this funny. (She walks toward the door. ) Let me through!

AMIR

No!

( They stare each other down. )

SYLVIE ( right up against him )

Let me through!

AMIR

Not a chance!

( He rummages in his jacket pocket and takes out a black revolver that he holds against Sylvie’s head. )

SYLVIE ( she jumps back and screams )

You’re crazy!

AMIR

Yeah, I’m crazy! Crazy, fou, loco, h’meq …But whose fault is that? I was at peace, I asked nothing of anybody…and then philosophy…that obsession with absurdity…with death, that obsession you stuck me with! ( He threatens her with the revolver. ) Sit down!

( Sylvie goes to sit down on a bench. )

AMIR

No! Over there! ( He points to the teacher’s desk. She sits down. ) And now, to work! You’re going to bring me back to how I was before I met you…Carefree! Simple. “Stupid,” if you will. Like all the people who don’t worry themselves about philosophy, who peacefully believe in God or in Providence, who aren’t obsessed with death, nor by what comes after! ( She remains silent. ) Go on! Speak! Now we’re going to finish the class. We’re going to unravel it all. Make me stupid again! I want to be stupid!

SYLVIE ( sarcastic )

You’re already crazy, that’s a start.

AMIR

Ha ha, very funny. But what is madness, anyway? Here we have a subject for philosophy. Come on, let’s begin. ( He threatens her with the revolver. ) Go on! Make me stupid again! Rid me of this obsession with death. ( He shouts. ) Go on!

SYLVIE ( frightened )

Alright. ( Hesitant ) But you’re wrong about everything. Certainly, “Philosophy is learning how to die…”

AMIR ( interrupts her, irritated )

No, that I already know. I don’t want to learn how to die, I want to become a child again. Or an idiot. Or both. I want to go back to the time before philosophy. My parents, my family, everyone in this country — they do a few prayers every day, they fast when necessary, give a small coin to a passing beggar — and as a result, they’re serene and at peace. They’ll go to Paradise, they’re sure of it. As for me, I am in Hell. Every day! Because of philosophy.

SYLVIE ( furious )

But that’s idiotic! It’s exactly the opposite. Philosophy teaches you how to live by teaching you how to die: the two go together. “We who perhaps one day shall die, proclaim man as immortal at the flaming heart of the instant.” It’s clear, isn’t it? ( Amir shakes his head. ) “We who perhaps one day shall die, proclaim man as immortal at the flaming heart of the instant.” It’s Saint-John Perse…

AMIR

Continue.

SYLVIE

Epicurus said it well. Something like: “I cannot fear death for as long as I am here, it is not here. And when it will be here, I will no longer be here. Thus , I will never meet death. Thus , I do not need to be afraid of it…”

AMIR

Continue.

SYLVIE

But what more is there to say, after that? Must I keep quoting? “Don’t aspire, oh my soul, to immortal life. But exhaust the field of the possible.” Pindar said that in 5 B.C. Or else Valéry: “The day is rising, we must try to live!” Or else must I explain yet again the myth of Sisyphus? We must have gone over it in class, no? In any case you know the last words of Camus’s essay: “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

AMIR ( vehemently )

Yes, but all that, that comes after! After the doubt instilled by philosophy, after the anxiety of death. After the absurd has taken hold in the heart…in the heart of my life, of my existence. I want to return to the innocence of before…before your philosophy class!

SYLVIE

Well, if that’s what you want, it’s not worth it. There’s no going back. One cannot unlearn. It’s impossible.

AMIR

We can’t go back?

SYLVIE

No.

AMIR ( slowly, dully )

But I could go past anxiety…I could commit myself to a cause bigger than life, bigger than death…Go blow myself up in Iraq or in Afghanistan!

SYLVIE ( sarcastic )

That’s really smart. Give your life out of fear of death! Have you heard about Gribouille? Who takes refuge in a pond to escape the rain?

AMIR ( bursts )

But then what’s left, faced with the anxiety of death?

SYLVIE ( gets up, ardent, makes passionate gestures with outstretched arms )

But I’ve just told you! “Proclaim man as immortal at the flaming heart of the instant.” Seize the instant! Carpe diem ! Try to live!

One must imagine Sisyphus happy!

AMIR ( While she’s speaking, he slowly raises the gun and brings it to his temple. Sylvie does not notice. )

Perhaps…But we can also put an end to it right away. It’s not worth waiting for the boulder to crash back down. And too bad if it all starts over again.

SYLVIE ( She turns toward him and rushes to stop him from pulling the trigger. )

No!

AMIR

So long, absurd world!

( He pulls the trigger. His face is inundated with water. He bursts into laughter and “shoots” at Sylvie. She too is inundated with water. )

SYLVIE ( furious )

Imbecile! What is this…this…act?

AMIR ( beaming )

Life is a dream, the pistol is a water gun. “The whole world are actors.” That’s Petronius…Sartre said the same thing with his business of d’en soi et de pour soi , being-in-itself and being-for-itself. You see, I continued with philosophy, even after.

SYLVIE ( still furious )

I don’t understand. Why all this dramatization?

AMIR ( very calm )

“Dramatization?” It’s precisely that, that’s exactly the word!

I dramatized the malaise, the anxiety, into which you plunged me, ten years ago. And now, we’re even. The score is settled. I’m dead and so are you. Now we can finally live.

SYLVIE ( She unblocks the door and runs out yelling. )