Deborah Shapiro - The Sun in Your Eyes

We covered the preliminaries: she told me about jetting to Peru recently for inspiration. I said there was good Peruvian food in Queens. She told me how funny I was.

“Are you still with — I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten his name — the guy you were with at our wedding?” I asked.

“Russell. No. God, no! That seems so long ago. Men. ” She sighed, as though that were the definitive word on the subject. But then she continued. “You and Andy are very lucky. Some of us just aren’t built for marriage. We always want something more.”

“Right. I think there’s a song about that.”

“Speaking of which, how’s Lee?”

“I don’t really know. We’ve kind of lost touch. I think she’s in L.A.”

“Oh, yeah? What is she doing?”

“I’m not really sure. I think she was trying to figure that out.”

“Well, I hope she does. You only get one life. I just hope she’s happy.”

I wanted to ask Kirsten if she was happy, but happiness (and what it had to with various colors) was merely a topic to discuss in front of a studio audience. And I suspected she was only capable of caring about Lee’s well-being because she believed she had finally eclipsed her. I had never spent much time with Kirsten alone. I hadn’t realized how much Lee’s presence had kept her in check. Kirsten had acquired a triumphant yet breezy authority that, like a gas, filled the space where Lee would have been.

What Kirsten had meant as a slight — how fortunate Andy and I were to be so easily satisfied with each other — resonated strongly. Listening to her talk, I did feel lucky to be with Andy. Still, I remained awed by Kirsten’s restless momentum. Lee’s too. But if Kirsten, out of nowhere, had asked me to drop everything and hit the road with her, I would have said no without even blinking.

What would you say to those detractors or critics who’ve said your work can be repetitive? That perhaps — and I’m not saying I feel this way — that too many of your songs sound the same?

Well, I guess I would say it’s all the same song. They’re right. In the wrong way.

That’s quite a koan.

Yeah, I should get it printed up, make some fortune cookies.

That would be an interesting sideline for you.

Put it on some T-shirts. A real merchandising opportunity.

Does that bother you? That maybe it’s becoming more about the marketing than the music?

It’s always been about the marketing. As long as there’s been a market. You’re setting me up for these, I swear. [Laughter from the audience]

Okay. Different subject. Is it true you believe in flying saucers?

Flying saucers?

I’ve read that you’ve been to a flying saucer convention.

Oh. Yes. My wife took me there.

It’s your wife, then, who believes in aliens?

Oh, I think the aliens believe in her. [More laughter from the audience]

Do you get a lot of ideas from your wife?

I get a lot of ideas from a lot of places. I’m easily influenced. I’m very, uh, I’m very permeable. [Laughter, cheers] But, yes, Linda. She’s right there. She can tell you. [Applause and shuffling, as a microphone is brought to Linda]

Hi, Jesse.

Hi, Linda.

Well, I think I understand those aliens now! Linda West, everybody. [Applause from the audience]

Aren’t you gonna ask me how we met?

Sure. How did you two meet?

At a party. In the kitchen. At her boyfriend’s house.

Whoa there, this is national television. You’re scandalizing us, Jesse.

You and the kitchen, man.

This interview used to be hard to find, bonus material at the end of a Jesse Parrish import box set. Now you could download it in seconds. You could be anywhere. You could be driving up the Hutchinson River Parkway, through Westchester, in 2010, listening to Jesse in 1970. How transporting it was. I needed it in order to feel involved in this world and justified in leaving my own. And to not feel quite so guilty for being excited about it. And I was glad Lee put this on because it gave us a focus, a distraction from the fact that here we were in a car, back in each other’s lives.

So now what?

“I don’t know if I remember it or I just think I do,” said Lee. “But he had such a nice voice, the way he talked.”

“He did.”

I had heard snippets of interviews with him here and there, but I had never listened at length. I tended to think wit had to be surgical, swift, and a bit cruel, but Jesse’s was lingering, it had warmth.

I have to say, you don’t seem particularly interested in playing a game with journalists, the way some of your, well, peers [chuckle] do. There are some notoriously prickly recording artists out there, and one or two of them have even deigned to come on this show. But you’re very open and I don’t feel like you’re putting me on.

Why would I put you on? [Laughter again] It’s like this. If I said something in a song, I needed a song to say it. So I get how it’s a drag to be asked to explain yourself beyond the song. But that doesn’t mean I can’t sit here and have a perfectly fine conversation with you about extraterrestrials.

Your fans certainly feel they understand your songs. They’re extremely devoted to you.

Yes. Yeah.

You seem to inspire a great deal of fantasy, of fantasizing.

They’re very imaginative, the fans. Very creative. They do like to imprint me into their fantasies.

I want to read an excerpt of this — it’s from a fan letter that was sent to our show. This woman — I say woman though I don’t know how old she is — this woman writes: “In the dream, Jesse is waiting in line behind me at the airport and the line isn’t moving so he leans over my shoulder and suggests we get out of there. He takes my hand and all of a sudden there’s a moving sidewalk that brings us all the way to this beautiful old palace with loads of rooms and I get lost. It’s also a little like the White House. I pass a lot of people wearing suits and ID badges. They are looking at me because I am running down this marble hallway and I can’t find Jesse anywhere. Then he pulls me through a secret door and he says he has disguises for us, the disguises that we’re going to need. He asks me to help him take off his clothes.” I’ll stop there. It gets considerably more detailed. Does it ever shock you?

Uh, it doesn’t shock me. I think that’s what, uh, performance does. What it can do, when it’s good. It creates a space for the imagination. I love that I can do that for people. It can get a little heavy, though. Sometimes. Sure.

Does it ever leave you feeling, well, I imagine it might leave you feeling rather blank?

Uh, depleted, sometimes. I don’t know about blank. You know, that’s interesting about the disguises. I’d like to know what they were!

Jesse Parrish, ladies and gentlemen. I want to thank you again for coming on the show this evening. It’s been, well, what would you say it’s been?

It’s been a pleasure.

That one moment when Linda came on— Hi, Jesse. Hi, Linda. You could hear how coupled up they were at that time, inside a world of two, looking out. I said as much to Lee.

“I know. I kind of resent it. Their twoness. It reminds me I’m essentially back where I was at twenty-five, only now I’m ten years older.”

“I doubt that’s true.”

“You’re right. At twenty-five I had higher hopes. Basically the only thing I remember about the last guy I went out with was that he told me he liked to fantasize about Patricia Arquette.”

“ Lost Highway Patricia Arquette? Or Medium Patricia Arquette?”