Ioana Pârvulescu - Life Begins on Friday

I was about to say something very rude , since his nearness, even at a few rooms’ distance, induced in me an indescribable state of nerves. But I refrained, by quite simply clenching my fists as hard as I could; it was lucky I had cut my nails. It is not well to show one’s weaknesses, especially in front of people who take your enemy’s side and particularly in front of women who take his side. After Safta went out, I picked up Vanity Fair and tried to read a page. Naturally, I was unable: I was holding the book upside down! When I realized, I blushed. I went to the window.There was no longer the good, spring-like light of yesterday; it was snowing listlessly as I looked out into the street. I did not allow myself a single tear, and that filled me with pride.

I went to Jacques. He was au fait with the unsuccessful attempt at a visit and held my hand in his cold little hand, without saying a word. To cheer ourselves up, I told him that I had arranged to go to our cousin’s to collect the gifts and we conferred on what we should get Papa and the others who would be coming to our house for Christmas.

‘But would it not be better-r to stay at home? You look very funny. Doesn’t it hur-rt?’

Yet it was not my tooth but my soul that was hurting. The infection from my molar and the redness of my eyes overflowed in my soul. And shopping is very good for the soul. I reasoned that as it was winter, I could muffle my cheek with a scarf. In any event, I had to buy presents; there was no more time left. I do not know what I was thinking of to have left it for so many days. (I do not know of what , but I know of whom .)

*

Alexandru told me, on our second meeting, in that tone of his, tender and impertinent at the same time: ‘I would like a little bad to enter you! Beware of me!’ Strange how words can haunt you… He looked at me with gentleness, with a somewhat worried smile — he has nice lips and a little chestnut moustache and a face that almost speaks wordlessly — and in that moment time stopped, the ballroom froze, I could no longer hear anything around me, although there was music and noise and much laughter. Then, as if waking from sleep, I saw once more that we were in a ballroom with lots of people and movement. I knew his double-edged reputation and that it was hard to fight him, that I was not the only girl, that many ladies full of choice qualities had lost the battle before me, but I liked the challenge and it thrilled me. I did not care about the dangers or the victims. Life became more colourful, after those words of his. I had allowed him to address me using toi not vous and it was the first time he had done so, and that in itself was like a caress. He invited me, no, he almost carried me to the dance floor and when we moved closer to each other, he held me slightly away, as if protecting me from himself, but I could feel his breath. He smelled faintly of tobacco. Immediately after his waltz with me, he left the soirée, to the regret of many of the ladies, young and old, who had written him down in their dance cards. But the gentlemen also liked him, because he emanates a kind of energy, and he understands them, defects and all, but does not try to rectify them, as Papa does, for example. I have noticed that he immediately leaps to the defence of those in difficulty, before they themselves realize that they are in a corner. Look at me praising him, still praising him! Once I saw his photograph in Universul . ‘… a little bad to enter you. Beware of me!’ The dance ended, he bowed, conducted me to my seat without letting me out of his sight for a second, clinging to me with his eyes, as if I were a child. He was about to touch my hair, but then clenched his fist with a shiver, quickly turned his back and left. It was just the beginning. My impression… No, I do not want to know anything, I do not want to know him, he does not exist, he has never existed, get it into your head, Iulia Margolis! It is as if stones were weighing down on my soul.

Couldn’t the week have started on Tuesday instead? For, I have noticed that on Mondays everything goes wrong, and things set their face against you.

*

And so I went shopping with Vasilica, something, which, as I was saying, does you good when you are in a bad mood. And I got out of the house, which is very good indeed on a day of household cleaning. I will clean the silver when I get back. My cousin’s carriage was waiting for me at the entrance and I looked to see whether Alexandru’s coach was nearby, because I have learned to recognize it from a distance, to pinpoint it on the wallpaper of the street. I do not know whether I was hoping to see it or if on the contrary I was terrified at the possibility. No, it was not there, but I did see its tracks in the fresh snow and like a fool I gazed at them. Vasi and I made our plans: our first stop would be on our street, at Marie Rose’s, the seamstress, purveyor of lingerie, modes and much more, and then Maison Jobin, on Victory Avenue, for gentlemen’s hats and cravats, and then the confectioner’s a little farther down the avenue. I am loyal to the gentlemen from Capșa, whereas Vasilica, who has a bigger heart than I, is a loyal customer of old man Fialkowski, especially given that the poor man is ill and his business is being run by somebody else, who has been losing customers. I used to like Fialkowski’s when it had the old stove, a kind of oven in the wall, with a chamotte , on which a cat lazed. After they changed the stove, the cat died of pneumonia, like Violetta, and ever since our Polish confectioner fell ill, I do not like going into the shop. Anyway, after the confectioner’s, we are going to Universul , where you can find everything, at reasonable prices, and after that, we shall see, depending on how much time and money we have left. Time is money , as my cousin told me recently — I like how it sounds, although I do not think it is true. For, I have a whole heap of time and not one penny. Whereas he , the villain, has a heap of money from his family, but does not have time, at least not for me; he expends his time with all and sundry, without keeping a tally. Maybe herein lies the similarity: both can be spent wisely or unwisely. For a moment I thought that maybe we would bump into him on Victory Avenue, but then I tried to put him out of my mind’s eye. I will not allow him to ruin yet another holiday: such is my personal judicial decision! And Vasilica and I started laughing so loudly that people were looking at us.

But you never know what surprises a new day has in store for you, a day that began so agitatedly. When I arrived at Universul , I espied him through a half-open door, just for an instant, no, not him , but the stranger about whom they have been talking so much in the last few days. I am sure it was he, I sensed it was he, I knew it was he, as if I had known in advance. He was downstairs in Mr Peppin Mirto’s office. He was thin and I saw that his face was unshaven, darkened by the shadow of a beard, nothing more than that. I slowed my steps as much as I was able, but I caught only a hum of voices, nothing distinct. He too looked at me as I passed, for no more than two seconds, and broke off what he was saying. He seemed astonished — undoubtedly because my scarf had slipped, showing my swollen cheek. We went with the doorman to the director’s office, where some of the things advertised in the newspaper are stored. There was a terrible mess. Our headmistress from the Central Girls School would have been scandalized. She has repeated the same rules to us so many times that I know them by heart: ‘Without tidiness in things, in thoughts, in feelings and in life, nobody can live properly. Just as you cannot live without oxygen, you cannot live without tidiness. You are dead; you cannot control your life. You are wretched and unhappy; you do not feel comfortable in your own house, among your things, in your kitchen, in your bed. Maintain tidiness in your rooms and in your hearts, girls, and you will be happy!’