Elin Hilderbrand - Winter Stroll

Ava feels a tap on her shoulder. Nathaniel. But when she turns, she sees it’s Kevin.

“Sis, I’m heading out. The inn is full and Isabelle has the baby. Plus, Mom is coming in tonight.”

Ava nods. Margaret was sorry to miss the Ugly Christmas Sweater Caroling party, but she broadcasts on Fridays and generally doesn’t make it to the island until late Friday evening or first thing Saturday morning, depending on whether she’s flying commercial or private. It’s private tonight, with her friends Alison and Zimm, furriers-to-the-stars, who are sponsoring the black-tie event tomorrow night at the Whaling Museum.

“Thanks for coming,” Ava says to Kevin. “I appreciate it.”

He gives her a hug. “No prob. I can’t wait to take this sweater off.”

“Yeah,” Ava says. “Me either.” If she had thought strategically, she would have worn a cute, sparkly top underneath.

Kevin’s eyes wander over Ava’s head. “Um… Ava? I hate to be the bearer of questionable news? But Nathaniel is sitting over there in the corner.”

“Yes,” she says. “I’m aware.”

Kevin grins and claps her on the shoulder. “Good luck with that,” he says.

Ava still has no drink. Scott is at the bar, but he’s listening with rapt attention to whatever Roxanne is saying, his foot propped on the bottom rung of Roxanne’s stool.

Fine, she thinks.

She heads to the other side of the bar. If Scott notices her leaving, he’ll think she’s headed to the ladies’ room. When Ava looks up, Nathaniel’s eyes are locked on hers. Her sweater starts to itch. She tells herself to turn around, take Scott’s hand, plant a juicy kiss on his lips, whatever it will take for Roxanne to buzz off and Nathaniel to get up and leave.

But instead, she heads straight for Nathaniel. Nothing good can come of this.

He breaks into a big smile. “Looking good, Billy Ray,” he says.

It’s their old joke, and she can’t help herself, she smiles. “Feeling good, Louis.” Then she says, “You’re back.”

“That I am,” he says. He stands up to give her a-well, it should have been just a friendly hug, but it turns into a squeeze. Ava has always loved the way Nathaniel smells. Like wood shavings and apples.

Ava pulls away. Nathaniel sits back down and offers Ava the stool next to his, which is conveniently empty.

She says, “I can’t stay. I’m with… people.” She turns around to check on Scott-he’s still talking to Roxanne and hasn’t noticed Ava missing.

“You’re with Scott,” Nathaniel says. “You’re still dating him.”

“Yes,” she says.

“But you’re not engaged?” Nathaniel takes hold of Ava’s ringless left hand. “I thought you were so desperate to be engaged.”

“Not desperate,” Ava says.

“I see Shelby is pregnant,” Nathaniel says.

“Yes,” Ava says.

“Are you jealous?” Nathaniel asks.

“Jealous?” Ava says. “Shelby is my best friend. I’m thrilled for her.” Ava had felt a tiny pinch of something when Shelby announced she was pregnant. It wasn’t jealousy so much as fear that Ava would be left behind. She desperately wanted a husband and children.

“But you’re happy with Scott, right?” Nathaniel says. “Happier than you were with me?”

“It was never a contest,” Ava says.

“It felt that way,” Nathaniel says. “He won, I lost.”

You bought me rubber boots for Christmas, Ava thought. Although the boots weren’t the problem. The problem was that Nathaniel had always taken Ava for granted. He never made her feel special. He never treasured her the way Scott does.

Ava glances back at Scott. Still enthralled with Roxanne. What could Mz. Ohhhhhh be saying that’s so interesting? Ava doesn’t feel like Scott’s treasure presently.

Ava says, “So, how was the Vineyard?”

“It was lonely,” Nathaniel says. “The house I’m building is way out on the beach on Chappy. Beautiful spot, just not a lot of people. My apartment was in Edgartown. I would eat downstairs at this place called Atria most nights. The bartenders tolerated me. I got into a lot of heated discussions about which island is better.”

“Which island is better?” Ava asks.

“Nantucket,” Nathaniel says. “Because you’re here.”

Ava doesn’t want to react to this, although she’s pretty sure her heart just flipped over. But no-her heart isn’t in play. She’s in love with Scott.

Right?

Nathaniel says, “Can I buy you a drink?”

“God no,” Ava says. “I have to get back.”

“Your singing was amazing,” Nathaniel says. “I could hear your voice soaring over everyone else’s. You know what I really miss? I miss the way you used to sing in the truck.”

“Nathaniel,” Ava says. “Stop.”

“Can you come over tonight?” Nathaniel asks.

“No!” Ava says.

“Please?”

“No. I’m dating Scott. You know that.”

“But you’re not engaged?”

“No,” Ava says.

“So why don’t you stop by when you’re finished here?” Nathaniel asks. “We can have a glass of wine, I’ll put some wood in the stove and we can catch up. All very innocent.” He lowers his voice. “Have you heard anything about Bart?”

He knows just where’s she’s vulnerable. Bart. Her little brother, missing. Nathaniel and Bart had been great friends, whereas Scott barely knew Bart.

For a split second, Ava is tempted. Nathaniel’s cottage is cozy and charming. He has a lusciously soft blanket on his leather sofa that they used to refer to as “her” blanket. Nathaniel feeds specially treated kindling into his woodstove that glows blue and purple through the grate. He has a great collection of wine and even better jazz records. Ava can vent all the anxieties and concerns about Bart that she’s been bottling up inside-because Scott, she’s certain, is tired of hearing them.

Ava holds on to her wits. “Thank you for asking,” she says. “But no.”

“What about tomorrow?” Nathaniel says.

Ava thinks about the next day. It’s Stroll weekend, they have a full inn, and tomorrow night the entire family is going to the black-tie gala at the Whaling Museum to celebrate the Festival of Trees. Sunday is Genevieve’s baptism, followed by a lunch.

“I don’t have time,” Ava says.

Nathaniel gives her a skeptical look.

“I’m sorry,” Ava says, trying to ignore how great it feels to be turning him down. “It was nice to see you, though, Nathaniel. Happy Stroll.” Ava weaves her way back to the caroling party and taps Scott on the shoulder. He turns away from Roxanne and puts his arms around her.

“Finally, you saved me,” he whispers in her ear. “Roxanne is tedious.”

Ava rests her head against the scratchy tulle of the Christmas tree on Scott’s sweater. She closes her eyes and thinks, Nathaniel can’t do anything to win me back. But then she has a memory of riding in Nathaniel’s pickup truck out to Coatue on a hot August afternoon. They were both drinking cold cans of Whale’s Tale Ale, bouncing over the dunes on the beach with the windows open and the radio blaring “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. Ava sang along, hitting all the high notes, and Nathaniel said, “Yeah! Go get it, sister!”

Ava remembers never wanting the song, or the moment, to end.

“Can we please get out of here?” Ava says to Scott. “Go to the next place?”

“You haven’t even had a drink yet,” Scott says.

Whose fault is that? Ava nearly asks him.

“Please?” she says. “I really want to sing ‘Joy to the World.’ Let’s go to Ventuno.”

“Is everyone else ready?” Scott asks. But it’s clear the only person he cares about is Roxanne. “Are you ready to go to Ventuno?”