Уолтер Мосли - Odyssey

“Strange,” Offeran said.

“I forgot about me shutting my eyes to my grandfather’s suicide. I guess you were right about the connection. I guess I’m upset at myself for not speaking up for Eddie too. No matter what he did we should have stood by him.”

“Keeping secrets always takes a toll on children,” Offeran said.

When Sovereign felt the tears cascading down his cheeks he shut his eyes tight and clenched his fists.

“But sooner or later,” Offeran continued, “you have to look at what you are and who you are and where — no matter the cost.”

The rage he felt at Lemuel rose up in his chest again. He understood it now. He couldn’t explain but he knew why he’d beaten that boy, battered him. It was a suppressed violence that had always been there, and anger that survived an entire ice age of suppression and false awareness.

“What about Toni Loam?” Offeran asked.

“She’s like me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Looking for the answer to a question she can’t ask. Wanting to be somewhere, but when she gets there wanting something else. Whenever I see that girl, or think about seeing her, my dick gets hard. I’m not even excited, not really, but my dick gets hard like a rock.”

“Does she appreciate your feelings?”

“She knows how she makes me feel. But in a way it’s like I’m one of the courses in a big feast and she’s outside starving.”

“Sounds kind of hopeless,” Offeran said.

“What can I tell you, Doctor? I loved my grandfather and he took his own life almost in front of me. I loved my father and kept from him the greatest secret he’d ever know. I loved my brother and sister but they abandoned me too. And my mother... I haven’t paid her nearly enough of what I owe.”

On the way to the subway from the doctor’s office, Sovereign’s cell phone sounded.

“Yes?”

“Hello, Sovereign, this is Lena.”

He felt dizzy for a moment but then the feeling dissipated.

“How’s my case coming?”

“The prosecutors are moving forward with charges. I’ve got an appointment with Judge Lowell for an arraignment hearing a week from today. You won’t have to go to jail or pay bail, and I want to ask her for a closed hearing with just the judge and no jury.”

“Why?”

“It’s a simple case but very technical. I believe that we can win on the evidence. But I don’t want to make a circus out of it. I believe that Lowell will understand and appreciate our approach and point of view.”

For the time it took to take three breaths Sovereign pretended that he was thinking over Lena Altuna’s logic. But he knew that he couldn’t make any criticism of her claims.

“Do what you think is right, Lena,” he said at last. “I’ll follow along and hope for the best.”

It was near ten that night when Sovereign began to wonder what had happened to Toni. He called her cell phone but it went straight to voice mail. He tried to think of where she might be. He didn’t know her mother’s number or address, not even her first name. Maybe she was at Lemuel’s apartment. She certainly wasn’t at the hospital. Visiting hours were over at nine.

When the landline rang he was certain that it was her calling to apologize or break up, explain that she really was attacking him that day but changed her mind, or maybe to confess her love. She could have said it all with no contradiction.

“Hello?”

“Sovereign... hi.”

“Valentina. Hey... how are you?”

“Is what the paper said true?”

“About me beating a man into a coma? Yes.”

“What happened?”

“You read the papers. They got most of it down. Keep on reading. There’s going to be a trial.”

“I wanted to hear it from you.”

“Why?” Sovereign asked.

A beeping sound came from the earpiece.

“Hold on, Val, I have another call.”

Sovereign tapped the cradle button and said, “Hello?”

“Hello, Sovereign.”

“I’m on another call, Toni. Can I get back to you in five minutes?”

“Okay. I’ll leave my cell phone on.”

He tapped the button again.

“Hey, Valentina, sorry about that.”

“I’m getting back together with Verso,” she said. “We’re going to remarry.”

“Whoa. Congratulations.”

“I need to know that you aren’t going to give us any problems. I mean, he doesn’t know about you and me, but after I read that article...”

“After you read that article what?”

“I don’t want you going off like a wild man attacking Verso.”

I see, said the blind man, though I haven’t any eyes . It was a phrase Eagle James used to say at moments of sudden insight. The boy Sovereign loved hearing it.

“You think because of those newspaper articles that I might attack your ex-husband?”

“I know it sounds silly but the papers said that that was what you did.”

“Don’t worry, Valentina. I wish you well and I will stay away from Verso.”

“Your blindness is cured?”

“Yeah,” he said, again thinking of his faux grandfather’s saying. “Listen, Valentina, that call that came in was important. I have to return. You take care and don’t worry about me at all.”

“If you need anything you can call me,” she said.

“I won’t.”

“Hi, Sovereign,” Toni said after one ring.

“What’s up?”

“The prosecutor sent the cops to bring me down to his office,” she said. “They told me that either I was gonna testify against you or they was gonna charge me with attempted murder. They said that they could say that I lured Lemuel in there so you could attack him.”

Sovereign wondered about some legal scholar a thousand years in the future looking back on this case. In the future, he thought, human DNA would be mixed with that of other creatures, and human brains would be augmented with tiny living computers that would make thought much easier, clearer, and unbelievably fast. What would this far-flung thinker suppose about lower intellects making up the crime as they executed inept laws?

“Sovereign,” Toni said.

“I don’t know what to say, honey. You and I both know what happened. What did your lawyer tell you?”

“He said that if the DA was right, I should take his offer and say you planned it.”

“But you know I didn’t.”

“I know I shouldn’t’a been wit’ you right after what you did to Lem,” she said.

“No,” Sovereign agreed, “maybe we should have waited for a little while.”

“What do you think I should do?”

“I suppose the truth isn’t an option.”

“This ain’t funny.”

“No.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“What are you asking me, Toni?”

“They gonna put me in prison, Sovereign. They gonna put me in jail, and the lawyer you give me has told me to turn you ovah.”

“I have to go,” he said.

“What?”

“I have to go and you have to do what’s best for you. We’re both just troglodytes trying to climb out of Plato’s cave.”

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”

Sovereign, instead of answering, hung up the landline and disconnected it from the wall. Squatting there, with the slender cord between his thumb and forefinger, he was reminded of the times in his life when he’d cut off contact with family, friends, and loved ones.

Loved ones . He let the words roll around in his mind, trying to make sense of them. Finally admitting to failure in this attempt, he turned off the lights in his apartment, opened the window wide, and sat on the sill for hours, with his eyes closed, listening for sounds in the night.

A little before one the next day Sovereign was leaving his apartment building to go up to Seth Offeran’s. He’d made it only a few steps past the doors when someone called to him.