Anna Burns - Milkman

He’d homed in on that flag issue, the flags-and-emblems issue, instinctive and emotional because flags were invented to be instinctive and emotional – often pathologically, narcissistically emotional – and he meant that flag of the country from ‘over the water’ which was also the same flag of the community from ‘over the road’. It was not a flag greatly welcomed in our community. Not a flag at all welcomed in our community. There weren’t any, not any, this side of the road. What I was gathering therefore, for I was not up on cars but was up on flags and emblems, was that those vintage, classic Blower Bentleys made in that country ‘over the water’ came with the flag on from that country ‘over the water’. Reading between the lines therefore, of maybe-boyfriend’s neighbour’s comment – what was maybe-boyfriend doing, he implied, not only partaking in a raffle in which he might have won the bit with the flag on, but what was he doing, partaking in a raffle to win any bit – flag or no flag – of such a patriotic, nation-defining, ‘over the water’ symbol at all? Historical injustice, he said. Repressive legislation, he said. Practice of and pacts for, he said. Artificial boundaries, he said. Propping up of corruption, he said. Arrest without charge, he said. Declaration of curfews, he said. Imprisonment without trial, he said. Proscription of meetings, he said. Prohibition of inquests, he said. Institutionalised violation of sovereignty and territory, he said. Hot and cold treatments, he said. Anything, he said. In the name of law and order. All that was what he said though even then that wasn’t what he meant. What he meant – underneath all the interpretation of that flag business was the driving home of the other business which was that the flag from ‘over the water’ was also that same flag from ‘over the road’. ‘Over the road’ was viewed in our community as more ‘over the water’ than actual ‘over the water’, with the flag perceived to be flown there with more proximity and grandiosity than ever could muster – try as it might – the territory it came from in the first place. To come from this side of the road – our side – and to bring that flag in then, was divisive, indicative too, of a traitorous kowtowing and a betrayal most monstrous over which even informers and those who marry-out would be held in higher esteem. This of course was all part of the political problems here which I, for one, didn’t like to get into. Amazing it was though, how much inflammatory suggestion could be gotten over in a few comments. Even so, yer man hadn’t finished yet.

‘I mean like I mean,’ he said, ‘don’t get me wrong or anything, and obviously I’m saying this from a place of humility, and it’s not that I’ve got experience in desiring to take part in anything disloyal to my own community, something that might involve winning something that had that flag on, then bringing it home, then being proud to have it in my area instead of being ashamed to have it my area. Far be it from me too, to asperse anything or anybody, to sow seeds of rancour. I’m not a stirrer-upper of rules or a summariser of conclusions and no expert am I either, or inciter, or bigot; in fact, ignorant as I am and gingerly as I hesitate to voice an opinion but …’ – then he repeated all that about no matter how famous and coveted was the thing with the flag on, he himself wouldn’t deign to legitimate such an ensign of oppression, of tragedy, of tyranny, not to mention the bad taste left in the mouth of losing face, not so much to the country ‘over the water’ as to that community ‘over the road’. More to the point, he said, someone bringing that flag into a staunchly anti-establishment district could open himself to accusations of traitorship and of informership. So yes, flags were emotional. Primevally so. At least here.

So that was what he was about – that maybe-boyfriend was a traitor – and it was at this point maybe-boyfriend’s friends started in on his defence. ‘He doesn’t have that bit with the flag on,’ they said. ‘Anyone can see that that supercharger has no flag on it.’ They were angry rather than dismissive in that, no matter how unlikely that flag would appear on ‘this side of the road’ on ‘this side of the water’, thing was, these were paranoid times. These were knife-edge times, primal times, with everybody suspicious of everybody. You could have a nice wee conversation with someone here, then go away and think, that was a nice, wee unguarded conversation I just had there – least until you start playing it back in your head later on. At that point you start to worry that you said ‘this’ or ‘that’, not because ‘this’ or ‘that’ were contentious. It was that people were quick to point fingers, to judge, to add on even in peaceful times, so it would be hard to fathom fingers not getting pointed and words not being added, also being judged in these turbulent times, resulting too, not in having your feelings hurt upon discovering others were talking about you, as in having individuals in balaclavas and Halloween masks, guns at the ready, turning up in the middle of the night at your door. By now maybe-boyfriend’s friends were pointing to the supercharger and it was clear there was no flag on it. ‘Anyway,’ they said, ‘those cars didn’t always come with flags on.’ ‘Besides,’ ventured a neighbour – and this was one brave neighbour considering the others, in contrast to their earlier enthusiasm, had now grown silent – ‘would it not be okay, because of what it is and all, of how rare it is, to take it if you won it even if it did come with that flag on, then to bring it home and cover the flag with a bomber aircraft sticker – say, a B29 Superfortress Joltin’ Josie sticker, or a Superfortress Girl Dressed In Not Very Much sticker, or A Bit o’ Lace B17 Flying Fortress sticker, or a sticker of Minnie Mouse or Olive Oyl or the planet Pluto or even a wee photo of your ma or a bigger one of Marilyn Monroe?’ He was trying hard, this diplomat, stressing reference to the exceptions, to those dispensations, the individuals and situations here that were afforded exemption from bigotry, from prejudice, from exclusion. These would be the rock stars, the film stars, the culture stars, sports people, those of exceptional fame or of some highest personal endeavour. Might it not be the case, he intimated, that this crossover category also include superchargers from Blower Bentleys? Could not desire and rarity, he urged, be sufficient for the supercharger to be granted leeway, or was it to be the case that that flag was too big an impediment for one side of the divide – our side in this instance – to be overlooked and let through?

He didn’t know the answer, and I felt nobody else did except one person. I looked at him. Everyone was looking at him. ‘All I’m saying is,’ he said, ‘is that I’m not sure I’d capitulate, that I’d want a bit of car, no matter how unique, if it sported national self-gratifying connotations, if it meant subsumption of the right to my own sovereign, national and religious identity, even if that particular car didn’t sport those connotations and demands for subsumption on all its models and range. It’s that I’m bewildered,’ he stressed, ‘that anyone from “our side of the road” would let their proclivity for car bits override what should be an instinctual recoil from the other side’s symbolism and badges. And if the local boys should get to hear’ – here he meant the renouncers which meant they would get to hear because he was going to make it his duty to tell them – ‘the one who brought that flag in might find himself facing some hefty street justice. And what of the dead people – all those killed so far in these political problems? Is it to be the case then, that all of them died in vain?’