Andrea Bennett - Galina Petrovna's Three-Legged Dog Story

The red door at the far end of the room was pulled inwards violently, and a young woman approached them with quick steps, before fairly yelling at them, from a distance of three feet.

‘Kommandant Krapivin will see you now!’

The office into which they were ushered was light and airy compared to the waiting room, and the ladies felt, if not at ease, at least less unnerved. The smell of dirt that had hit them as soon as they had come through the first SIZO gate was barely detectable in this room, and the colours in it seemed more in line with the natural spectrum, rather than the dirty yellow that seemed to infect every animal, vegetable and mineral in the rest of the building.

‘Ladies, ladies! Welcome to the Sunshine SIZO! Please, be seated! Would you like a lemon tea? It’s home produced – right here, by the prisoners’ own hands!’

Galia and Zoya eased themselves into the tiny leather tub chairs offered by Kommandant Krapivin.

‘Snug, aren’t they? I’m hoping we’re going to start producing those here, ourselves, in the near future. I’m all about innovation, ladies, as I’m sure you’ve heard.’

Galia nodded vaguely and smiled, ‘Er, yes, Kommandant. As it happens, I think I have heard about you and your innovations.’

‘Was it Glukhov? He and I go back a long way. Oh yes! Of course, he ended up in the ministry, poor soul, but I ended up with the best job in the world! I bet he’s quite green about it, but hey, what can you do?’

Zoya snorted loudly and then tried to disguise the sound by turning it in to a cough, which then became a real cough, which then threatened to shake every bone in her body to dust.

‘Oh my, that’s a nasty one. You should have some lemon tea. Definitely, it will really help. Masha, oh Masha!’

The secretary opened the hatch between the two offices.

‘Lemon tea all round please, and quick!’

The hatch slammed shut, and Galia was sure she heard the wooden frame splinter as it did so.

‘Kommandant Krapivin, I’m afraid this isn’t a social visit.’

‘Well no, good lady, I was sure that was the case. What can I do for you?’

‘We have come to free our colleague, Vasily Semyonovich Volubchik.’

‘I see. What makes you think you can do that, er, sorry, what was your name?’

‘Galina Petrovna Orlova.’

‘Well Galina Petrovna, that’s a very noble aim. I’m assuming it is – you do think the old bird is innocent, don’t you? You’re not into organised crime or anything like that? You don’t look like it but, jeepers, we have to be careful! You wouldn’t believe some of the gangsters around here!’

‘No, Kommandant Krapivin, we’re not gangsters.’

Galia gave Zoya a sidelong look, to make sure that her friend wasn’t about to contradict her and claim to be a mobster, or that anyone else was of that inclination. Zoya was looking relaxed, her eyes half closed and her beak firmly shut, awaiting her lemon tea.

‘Kommandant, I have in my pocket a Very Important Piece of Paper, which I have brought all the way from Moscow, this morning.’

‘A Very Important Piece of Paper? My, today is really hotting up. May I see?’

Galia squeezed her buttocks back out of the bucket chair so that she could stand, and therefore get her hand into her dress pocket. She pulled out the Very Important Piece of Paper, and handed it to the Kommandant.

‘You will see, Kommandant, that it is signed by the Deputy Minister Glukhov, Roman Sergeevich himself, with today’s date. Vasily Semyonovich Volubchik is no criminal, Kommandant. He is just an old man who was trying to help his friends. He does not belong in jail: he belongs at home, with his kitty cat and his friends. And this paper proves it.’

Galia had been standing over the Kommandant, but now she bent carefully, bringing her eyes into line with his and looking squarely into his face.

‘He is a fine upstanding citizen: he runs the Azov House of Culture Elderly Club, and we would be at a loss without him. Over forty elderly women are reliant on him, Kommandant. Don’t let us down. Free him, Kommandant, so that the club can, once more, meet and discuss vegetable matters, and celebrate Fridays with the weekend Lotto and a film!’

Kommandant Krapivin wiped away a small tear from the corner of his left eye as Galia finished her speech.

‘Yes, and aside from all that, he is Galia’s only hope of a man friend in the few years that she’s got left. She’s waited long enough, Kommandant: don’t deny her of a bit of love in the autumn of her days!’

Galia turned and issued a sharp hissing ‘Shh!’ in Zoya’s direction.

‘I’m only trying to help! And anyway, it is the truth!’

‘Ladies, you are adorable. Where have you been all my life? This is just perfect. And yes, you are right: it is all here, in black and white, complete with his signature and his official stamp. I see no reason to keep this Vasily in the SIZO any longer: we’ll get the wardens to go fetch him.’

The Kommandant returned the paper to Galia and she almost kissed it, breathing a sigh of relief that felt like the first free breath in her lungs for a lifetime. Her shoulders lifted and her spirit felt as light as smoke.

‘Kommandant Krapivin, I can’t thank you enough—’

She broke off as his secretary knocked on the door and entered simultaneously, her mouth dropping open slightly at the sight of Galia almost on her knees in front of the Kommandant.

‘Er, I am sorry for the interruption, Kommandant Krapivin, but there are yet more visitors for you, and they’re here to save this old Volubchik too. And to be frank, they’re even worse!’

‘Whoah, Masha, take a second!’

‘It’s Julia.’

‘Yes, of course Julia, I was just kidding. More visitors, you say?’

‘Yes.’

‘Also here for Volubchik.’

‘Yes.’

‘You seem upset. Are they dangerous? Do they smell?’

Julia looked momentarily uncomfortable.

‘They do look dangerous, sir, yes. One of them is all beaten up, and is wearing a woman’s sunhat. And the other has a smile like a Cheshire cat and smells of cheap perfume.’

‘My secretary is so sensitive; she doesn’t like smiles or smells. Anyways, do you know who it could be, ladies?’

Galia and Zoya looked mystified.

‘How fabulous! Show them in! Show them in! We’re all friends here, let’s not stand on ceremony.’

Mitya the Exterminator, his appearance greatly changed since Galia had last seen him, and not a little peculiar, limped into the room. When she had last seen him, as he dangled her beloved dog by her scruff over the stairwell, she had thought, if she ever saw him again, that she might shout at him, maybe even box his ears, and perhaps might hate him. But what she felt, when she saw him, was a sharp pang of pity: his face was swollen and bruised, as were his arms and hands. He walked stiffly, and with a stoop, and seemed to have shrunk: in some ways, he resembled an old man, but with the eyes of a boy. He caught her stare, and much to her surprise, nodded to her.

‘Galina Petrovna, I should have known that you would be here.’

The girl with him was pretty but seemed slightly asymmetrical: she smiled at the old ladies and the smile was slightly goofy, slightly lopsided. She carried one shoulder slightly higher than the other, and seemed to walk on the toes of her left foot. But despite the couple’s odd appearance, they seemed, to Galia’s tired senses, to radiate something calm: was it happiness, or tenderness?

‘Well, young people, nice to see you! Masha, where’s that tea? Would you like lemon tea, young people? We make it ourselves.’

‘Yes please, Kommandant, that would be lovely,’ replied Katya with a slight lisp, and a wide grin.