Eva Mazza - Sex, Lies & Stellenbosch

“How so?” Sharon had moved from behind her desk. She opened the envelope Jen had placed on the coffee table. Jen spoke as Sharon studied the pictures. Her face remained neutral.

“Well, being forty-nine and pretty much lost to job opportunities and relationship opportunities made me question divorce as an option. So many of our friends◦– including me, I suppose◦– stay in our marriages because we believe that there is no happy alternative.” Jen gestured to Sharon to hand over the picture that she was studying. She looked at it as she spoke. “The thought of divorce made me scared at thirty and terrified at forty-nine◦– even after I caught John with Patty. Until today, because now there is no maybe.” Patty placed the evidence back down on the coffee table. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say? I know that after the divorce, even if I do feel lonely, I won’t wonder whether it was the right decision. It’s the right decision because there’s the proof,” Jen gestured to the envelope, “and divorce is the only choice I have.”

Sharon leaned back in her chair and observed Jen more closely. “Have you ever cheated on your husband, Jen?”

Jen folded her arms. “No! I haven’t. I’ve been so busy trying to raise children and make our marriage work that I haven’t so much as looked at another man.”

“Do you think that you would’ve, if the opportunity had arisen?”

“No. No, I really don’t think I would’ve. For one, there would be too much at stake; for another, it would invalidate what I’ve subscribed to and lived by. So, no, I can confidently say that I would not have cheated on John if the opportunity had presented itself.”

“Okay, so let’s try and formulate a plan of action. What are you going to do after you leave this room?”

Jen laughed. “I’m going to get pissed.” Jen waited for a response from her counsellor. There was a moment’s pause before she continued. “I’m going to pack my bags and check into a hotel, here in the city. I will instruct Leonard to get an interim settlement because, by God, this asshole is going to pay me back for every year I devoted to our marriage.”

“Do you plan to engage with him when he sees you tonight? Will you show him the photos? And will you confront your friend, er…” Sharon looked down at her notes. “What is your friend’s name?”

“Frankie.”

“Will you confront Frankie?”

Jen poured herself a glass of water. Her hands shook, and the water spilt slightly as she tilted the glass jug.

“Leonard can deal with John. I don’t want to give him a chance to explain or to reason with me. He can be a very convincing liar. And Frankie. I won’t say anything. I won’t say anything, more for Lee’s sake.”

“Lee. Frankie’s husband?”

Jen nodded. “Why would you withhold information like this from him?”

“Lots of reasons.” Jen fidgeted with the thong around her neck.

“I’d like to know.”

“Well, for one thing, I don’t want him hurt. Secondly, I’ve been complicit in Frankie’s affair with my husband.” Sharon raised her eyebrows. Jen pretended not to notice. “Also, I grew up in the same town as Lee. I know how Stellenbosch thrives on scandals such as this one and how we have been programmed to cover up at all costs. Knowing Lee, even if he has an inkling, he won’t do anything that would create a scene.”

“Let’s go back,” Sharon said.

“You want me to tell you why I am complicit in their affair?” Jen shifted, then she took another sip of water before she went on to explain how Frankie had shared her affair with her, and how Jen had all but sanctioned it. She told Sharon that Frankie would show her text messages, “From my husband!”, and how she had covered for her on Sunday night.

“Well, there is a very nasty type of nasty in Frankie,” Sharon said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say things like that, but fuck it. Really, what a bitch!”

Jen ventured, “Well, maybe it’s my karma.”

Sharon frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I slept with Lee before John and I married.” Jen checked Sharon’s face, but again it remained neutral.

“Nothing shocks you?”

“I have an excellent poker face,” Sharon smiled.

“Well, don’t speak to me about poker. That’s a story for another day.

“So, Lee’s parents and my parents always joked about the two of us getting married. I think there was a family feud of some sort between John’s family and mine, and when I started dating John, my mother was very unhappy. It was a Capulet-Montague thing, but Mom had also heard some terrible stories about him. Unbeknownst to me, John was dating Shelley when he started courting me. It was through my mom that I discovered this. By that stage, I was pretty smitten. He was the first guy I had slept with and he introduced me to the joys of sex. There was no stopping me. I loved everything about him.”

Sharon had stopped taking notes, Jen noticed. She had her head cocked to one side and was listening intently.

“And although our parents knew one another, Lee and I only became friends through John. He had started seeing Frankie at about the same time John and I started dating. She came with a pretty bad reputation and Lee’s parents were beside themselves with worry. My dad had passed on, and though their marriage hadn’t been perfect, not by a long shot, my mom was determined to fulfil his wish for me to marry Lee. The two families set up an ‘intervention’◦– supper on our farm. When Lee and I eventually caught on, we played along, and after dinner we drove up to the lookout point, got completely stoned and boom, we were kissing and groping and eventually we were having full-on sex.” Jen looked up at Sharon. She could see that she had managed to elicit some sort of reaction from her counsellor whose face was anything but poker. “So, I too had sex with my best friend’s husband. Well, sort of,” she back-pedalled. “None of us were married, and Frankie and I weren’t best friends yet.”

Sharon broke the silence that followed. “So, you’ve carried this guilt around with you?” She put the lid back on her pen. “That is, if you have felt guilty?”

“Yes, I have. I didn’t dare tell John! I was the closest thing to perfect and it was no secret that he wanted a ‘pure’ wife◦– someone who hadn’t been with half the town. There was a time when I was going to tell him about the one-night stand with Lee and deal with the consequences, but then I, I was pregnant. There was no way I could risk being an unmarried mother. I would never find a husband and I had been preened for marriage, so I kept my shameful secret, and now you know, too.”

Sharon glanced at her watch. Jen couldn’t help feeling that even Sharon must be as exhausted as she was.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” Sharon said earnestly. “Before we end our session I’d like to ask how Lee felt after your… shall we call it passionate encounter?”

“He begged me to leave John.”

“Oh.” Sharon was clearly not expecting this answer.

Jen went on to explain. “Look, sex with him was pretty awesome, but we were stoned and drunk and young; plus, it was taboo, so all of these things contributed to the ecstasy of it all. I walked around for days afterwards thinking about that evening, and wanting it back again, but I just felt so guilty! I loved John, and respectable girls didn’t do those things. I knew that if I left John for Lee my reputation would be questionable; everyone would know what had happened. I also knew that Lee and John had always had a little competition going, and it would have shattered John.”

Jen couldn’t help thinking that it seemed like she was trying to look like the heroine of this story. Trying to shield John from hurt. How ridiculously empty it sounded when she said it out loud, so she further justified her motives for staying with her then fiancé. “I loved John very much, so it was an extremely confusing time of my life. The decision was made for me when I found out I was pregnant.”