Yelena Moskovich - Virtuoso

I studied and my brother studied and my brother worked in the evenings and my brother hung out elsewhere and I kept my door closed. For our grades, they were proud. Mamka, dumbfounded with pride for her giant son and brainy daughter. Papka, alongside, agreeing and uneasy. In the end, we looked nothing alike, Vilèm and I. But everyone knew we were the same household, because we both walked animal-like, degenerate in our downward glare.

“ Von nichts kommt nichts , Papa. Nothing comes from nothing.”

Then my brother was completely and undeniably a man, with gelled dark hair and his clear eyes ebbing beneath his thick forehead. When he smiled, you could see his front straight teeth were framed by two slightly crooked ones. It gave him an instant charm. But if he sat too long without smiling, he just looked a bit bloated and simple. He was dating this girl for a while, Karolina, who was studying engineering and also picking up some hours at the hospital-bed plant. She had thin lips coated with a shimmering pink and drawn on eyebrows that arced over her clumpy mascara-lashes and oily blue eyes. They got married and moved up north, closer to Želevčice. When he came to visit, he didn’t go into my room to say Hi. He didn’t want to disturb my studying, my mamka told me.

“ Chacun voit midi à sa porte , Papa. Everyone sees noontime from their door.”

“Huh?”

“It means everyone’s got their own interests in mind, Papa.”

“Exactly, Janinka!”

Because my door was always closed, it was assumed that I was always studying. I took many breaks from studying to cry. After the crying, I’d go back to studying. At night, I’d lie in my bed and start to recite proverbs for no reason.

Blizok lokotok, da ne ukusish. The elbow’s close, but you can’t bite it – i.e. it only seems easy.

La nuit porte conseil. The night brings advice – i.e. sleep on it.

The burned child avoids fires – i.e. you idiot.

Then I pulled the pillow from under me and pressed it against my own face until my cheeks chaffed with heat.

Finally, I decided to have a destiny. I knew Zorka was living hers out somewhere and I wanted one too. I stopped trying to bite my own elbow or burn my face off with my pillow. I clenched down on my tears and pushed myself fully into my studies, then got accepted into the Sorbonne University in Paris.

Autant en emporte le vent! The first French proverb I learned. “As much as the wind can carry!” is the literal translation, and I proclaimed it with zeal. It actually means “empty promises”. Luckily no one in my family spoke French either. My mother said, “Listen, we don’t have the money.” I said, “I don’t need the money.” My brother gave me some. He didn’t tell his wife. It was a beginning.

About Zorka, I’d come to the only conclusion possible. She didn’t give a fuck-all for me. She never did. She had a destiny, and as smart as everyone told me I was, I had a birdbrain about my own fate. And so, I did like Zorka and went my own way. I said goodbye to Prague, goodbye to my mamka and my papka and Vilèm and Karolina, like I was winter’s last snow melting, evaporating back into the sky, to return again as something else altogether, unrecognisable, a different element, a different being. I disappeared and reappeared Parisian.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Hey you.

Dominxxika_N39: I’m glad we r alone now.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Me too…

0_hotgirlAmy_0: *blush

0_hotgirlAmy_0: … now I’m nervous again.

Dominxxika_N39: Don’t b nervous.

Dominxxika_N39: My real name is Dominika. What urs?

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Amy.

Dominxxika_N39: What r u wearing, sexy Amy?

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Flared jeans. L.E.I.s. with this rose patch on the knee. And a new tank I got at Abercrombie. It’s like melon green, spaghetti straps.

Dominxxika_N39: I’m sure u r looking really nice in it.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: *blush

0_hotgirlAmy_0: … u?

Dominxxika_N39: I have long dark hair, full, sometimes it hang and cover my eye. I like it when I feeling shy. My eyes are very blue.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: U sound hot. What r u wearing?

Dominxxika_N39: I wearing red dress. My husband got it for me as gift.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: *frowns

Dominxxika_N39: Don’t worry, he not home. I have heels on. They are shiny red with long sharp heel. I’m pressing into the carpet.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: O, wow. But just sucks that u have a husband…

Dominxxika_N39: My husband travel a lot for work…

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Hold on. Brb.

Dominxxika_N39: I sorry to mention him again.

Dominxxika_N39: Please don’t leave.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Back. Sorry. No it’s not you. My mom’s making dinner upstairs, she’s always bugging me about what we wanna eat, I told her I don’t care.

Dominxxika_N39: What she cooking?

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Mac n cheese with tuna. She’s just like mushing everything together cause she’s pissed my dad’s still not home from work yet.

Dominxxika_N39: O yes, I remember when I little and my mum so anger with father all time. He was working in Ministry before Russians took over. All sudden, he doing manual labour jobs only, transporting tiles. My mom say he should not be so coward.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Yeah my mom can’t even say anything to his face. She just blabs to me about it, like O he’s having an affair. I’m like yeah right Mom, you’re not in a movie, he’s just staying late to please Mr Sheffield (that’s his department manager). It’s kind of embarrassing, like you can see how my dad just feels like a moron all the time, especially like in front of other men, like at the company picnic I had to go to, he had these huge sweat stains in his shirt the whole time cause he was so nervous trying to do everything right for Mr Sheffield.

Dominxxika_N39: We have like Mr Sheffield too in my country, before they take notes and make reports for government, now they regular civilian or boss or politician, but still we scared for their previous ties. Sometime I worry about this too and it make me sweaty.

0_hotgirlAmy_0: Totally. My dad’s like so nervous all the time and he and my mom are yelling forever, saying they don’t have the money for this or for that. So finally I was like, Ugh just stop yelling, I’ll get a job! I mean it was just for the summer. At the Marcus Southgate Cinema. Then these girls came from school and they were like, “Nice uniform, Amy.” I was getting them their sweet and salty popcorn, but then they started saying, “Gross, Amy, your elbow touched some of the popcorn, don’t you have like a scooping protocol?” Then they said, “I’m gonna tell the manager. That’s like a health violation.” I was so over that job. And when school started again, those girls would like pinch their nose in the hallway and say that I stink like oil. It was the lamest joke ever.

Dominxxika_N39: These girls are like acting on behalf of intimidators I am sure. They are enforcing scared feelings, it is to contain your individual power, so you not get too outspoken.