Amy Yamada - Bedtime Eyes

“Well, we all thought Dad was breathing his last but somehow he’s made a complete recovery. He’s even started complaining that he wants some booze! So I decided to go back to my mother’s place, and me and my brothers went out to the club where we used to hang out. Then I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to take a holiday, so I decided to stay here for a while. How’s Jesse?”

“He’s fine,” she replied shortly, feeling like a fool for having been so worried about him.

Rick told her he would be back in a few days, and hung up without the hint of an apology.

The hell with him, she thought, and began to unpack.

Coco began to wonder if Rick really loved her. When they first met he had seemed so anxious to make sure she was happy, but there was none of that in his phone call. While she was left at home worrying, he was taking it easy with his family. He was oblivious to what she was going through, and although that was one of the things she loved most about him, she was still taken aback. Anyway, he would be home again in a few days, and then the uncomfortable situation with Jesse would be easier to handle: when Rick came home she could go back to being a baby and he would look after her.

“Your dad will be back in a few days,” she told Jesse.

“Uh-huh,” he replied disinterestedly, opening up one of her boxes.

He was more interested in finding out what she had brought with her than helping her to unpack.

During the past few days, much to her surprise, Jesse had begun opening up to Coco. When she came home after work, he sat slumped in a chair across the room and watched her make dinner. Every now and then something would happen—like one day, the steaks she had been preparing disappeared. She searched frantically but couldn’t find them anywhere. Then, with an impish grin, Jesse motioned for her to follow him to the bathroom. Sure enough, there they were, stuck to the wall like a couple of giant red amoebas. When she turned around to yell at him, Jesse had already run away. As tired as Coco was of his pranks, she found herself gradually getting used to them. He was still rude to her and he still didn’t have any friends, but he finally seemed to be letting his guard down, and his tricks seemed to be aimed more at getting her attention than causing her constant irritation.

One day, Jesse said he wanted to cook dinner. Coco agreed because she knew that if she said no he would probably destroy the kitchen.

While he worked away, she spent almost an hour waiting nervously in the living room. Finally Jesse called out, “It’s ready!”

Coco went into the kitchen.

On the table was a plate. And on the plate there was a single potato.

Big plate, small potato. Sitting across the table from each other, they ate it together. Coco was starving, but because the potato was smothered in sour cream, she found it unusually satisfying, and they ate in silence as though they were savoring a rare gourmet meal.

It was through these experiences that Coco began to discover a little more about Jesse.

Greg was right—he was just a kid, after all. Coco suddenly remembered the time Jesse had kicked her and stood over her glaring with anger, but now it was as though it had never happened.

There was still friction between Jesse and Coco of course, but that was because Jesse didn’t really know how to behave like a child. Sub-consciously, kids play up to adults, and adults are usually happy to go along with it and give them treats like candy, toys, and kisses. But Jesse didn’t know how to show the sweeter side of his nature, so he didn’t reap the same rewards as normal children. In that sense, Coco felt Jesse wasn’t doing his duty as a child. She felt sorry for him because she had been playing the cute card since she was a little girl, and it had never failed to work for her. When Rick came back she planned to use those same tried-and-true techniques to make sure she got her own way again. She just wished that Jesse could pick up on some of her skills and use them himself.

That afternoon/after putting away all her stuff, Jesse and Coco decided to have a snack in front of the TV, so Jesse said he would make popcorn in the frying pan. Coco loved buttered popcorn. Jesse rushed to the kitchen before his favorite program started. Coco was searching through the cupboard for things to make Ovaltine for Jesse and a martini for herself.

The telephone rang. It was Greg. Coco was already in a good mood because she had finished moving in and put all her stuff away, and now she was even happier because Greg had called. So happy, in fact, that she started chatting and completely forgot about making their drinks.

Coco had been wanting to tell Greg that her relationship with Jesse was finally getting a little better. The sound of his voice, deep and smooth like chocolate, made her smile and he told her he was glad she was doing fine. It was always nice to hear Greg’s voice, so she didn’t notice when Jesse asked her how much butter he should put in the pan. A few seconds later she sensed something was wrong and looked up. Jesse was standing in front of her with the hot pan of sizzling butter only inches away. She froze in fear.

Jesse leaned forward and pressed the hot metal into the side of her face.

Coco screamed and dropped the phone, instinctively covering her face with her hands and crouching on the floor. She could hear Greg shouting from the receiver on the floor. Jesse was rooted to the spot with the frying pan in his hand.

After a few painful seconds Coco suddenly came to her senses. In a panic, she lunged forward, pushed Jesse aside, and rushed to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror.

“Oh my god…” she whispered in disbelief.

An angry red burn stretched across her cheek to her temple. It looked like a piece of cloth that had got caught on a nail and been ripped apart.

“Sorry, Coco…”

Jesse had come in and was standing right behind her. When she heard his voice, she exploded with rage.

“Don’t you come near me!” she hissed. “I hate you! Do you hear me?

I never want to see your face again. You’re a monster and you can go to hell for all I care!”

Swearing and muttering under her breath as though she were possessed, Coco turned the tap on full and splashed cold water on her cheek to ease the pain.

When she finally calmed down, she remembered she had been talking to Greg on the phone. She went to the kitchen with a towel pressed to her face and found the phone hung up. On the table was a basket of untouched popcorn.

Coco wanted to cry. She tried to stifle the emotion but hot, angry tears poured down her cheeks as she took ice out of the freezer. Jesse had disappeared and she didn’t care where he had gone.

She spent the night with ice pressed against the side of her face, crying from the pain. Greg called again because he was worried about her, but she was so angry she could barely put two words together. She could no longer rationalize Jesse’s actions. He had scarred her face. Anywhere but her face! Her head reeled with despair.

The bond she had been working so hard to create between the two of them had snapped, and now Coco felt nothing but hatred for Jesse.

He was too immature to understand the kind of love where a smile could be rewarded with another smile.

Coco loathed Jesse with a passion.

The next morning, Coco was awakened by a large hand gently rocking her shoulder. She was exhausted because she had been crying all night and the ice had melted, leaving a large wet spot on the sheets.

“Hey, baby. How you doing?”

It was Rick. She heard him put his bag under the bed. She had longed for him to come back, but now that he was here, she was too exhausted even to smile.