Cecelia Ahern - If You Could See Me Now

“Hi, Ivan,” she said, refusing to look at him.

“Hello, Elizabeth. Have you ants in your pants?” an amused voice asked.

“How good of Luke to let you in,” Elizabeth said sarcastically. “Funny, he never actually does that when I need him to.” She reached for the sheets of paper on the floor and got to her feet. “You’re wearing red,” she stated, studying his red cap, red T-shirt, and red Converse trainers.

“Yes, I am,” he agreed. “Wearing different colors is my favorite thing now. It makes me feel even happier.”

Elizabeth looked down at her black outfit and thought about that.

“So, what have you got there?” he asked, breaking into her thoughts.

“Oh, nothing,” Elizabeth mumbled, folding the pages together.

“Let me see it.” He grabbed the sheets. “What have we got here? Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse.” He flicked through the pages. “Winnie-the-Pooh, a racing car, and what’s this?” He twirled the page around to get a better view.

“It’s nothing,” Elizabeth snapped, snatching the page from his hand.

“That’s not nothing, nothing looks like this.” He stopped talking and stared at her blankly.

“What are you doing?” she asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Nothing, see?” He held out his hands.

Elizabeth stepped away from him, rolling her eyes. “Sometimes you are worse than Luke. I’m going to have a glass of wine, would you like anything? Beer, wine, brandy?”

“A ssalg of klim, please.”

“I wish you’d stop speaking backward,” she snapped, handing him a glass of milk. “For a change?” she asked irritatedly, throwing her pages into the bin.

“No, that’s what I always have,” he said rather perkily, eyeing her suspiciously. “Why is that cabinet locked?”

“Em . . .” She faltered. “So Luke can’t get at the alcohol,” she explained, not mentioning anything about the fact that it was to keep Saoirse away. Luke had taken to hiding the key in his room whenever he heard his mother coming.

“Oh. What are you doing on the twenty-ninth?” He swung himself around on the tall bar stool at the breakfast table and watched her rooting through the wine bottles, face twisted in concentration.

“When is the twenty-ninth?” She locked the cabinet and searched through the drawer for a corkscrew.

“It’s on Saturday.”

Her cheeks pinked and she looked away, giving her full concentration to opening the wine bottle. “I’m going out on Saturday.”

“Where to?”

“A restaurant.”

“With who?”

She felt like it was Luke firing questions at her. “I’m meeting Benjamin West,” she said, still keeping her back turned. She just couldn’t face turning around right at that moment and she didn’t know why she felt so uncomfortable.

“Why are you meeting him on Saturday? You don’t work on Saturdays,” Ivan stated.

“It’s not about work, Ivan, he doesn’t know anybody here and we’re going to get something to eat.” She poured the red wine into the crystal glass.

“Eat?” he asked incredulously. “You’re going to eat with Benjamin?” His voice went up a few octaves.

Elizabeth’s eyes widened and she spun around, glass in hand. “Is that a problem?”

“He’s dirty and he smells,” Ivan stated.

Elizabeth’s mouth dropped open; she didn’t know how to reply to that.

“He probably eats with his hands. Like an animal,” Ivan continued, “or a caveman, half man, half animal. He probably hunts for—”

“Stop it, Ivan.” Elizabeth started laughing.

He stopped.

“What’s really wrong?” She raised her eyebrow at him and sipped her wine.

He stopped spinning on his chair and stared at her. She stared back. She saw him swallow, his Adam’s apple moving down his throat. His childishness disappeared and he appeared to her as a man, big, strong, with such a presence. Her heartbeat quickened, his eyes didn’t move from her face and she couldn’t look away, couldn’t move. “Nothing’s wrong .”

“Ivan, if you’ve got anything to say to me, you should say it,” Elizabeth said firmly. “We’re big boys and girls now.” The corners of her lips smiled at that.

“Elizabeth, would you come out with me on Saturday?”

Elizabeth sighed. “Ivan, it would be rude of me to cancel the appointment at such short notice, can’t we go out another night?”

“No,” he said, stepping off the stool. “It has to be July twenty-ninth. You’ll see why.”

“I can’t—”

“You can,” he interrupted her. He took her by her elbows. “You can do whatever you want. Meet me at Cobh Ciúin at eight p.m. on Saturday.”

“Cobh Ciúin?!”

“You’ll see why,” he repeated, tipped his cap, and disappeared as quickly as he had arrived.

... Before I left the house, I called in to Luke in the playroom.

“Hey there, stranger,” I said, collapsing on the beanbag.

“Hi, Ivan,” Luke said, watching TV.

“Have you missed me?”

“Nope.” Luke smiled.

“Wanna know where I’ve been?”

“Smooching with my aunt.” Luke closed his eyes and did fake kisses in the air before collapsing into hysterical laughter.

My mouth dropped open. “Hey! What makes you say that?!”

“You love her.” Luke laughed and continued watching cartoons.

I thought about that for a while. “Are you still my friend?”

“Yep,” Luke replied. “But Sam is my best friend.”

I pretended to be shot in the heart.

Luke looked away from the television to face me with big, hopeful blue eyes. “Is my aunt your best friend now?”

I thought about that carefully. “Do you want her to be?”

Luke nodded his head emphatically.

“Why?”

“She’s much better fun, she doesn’t give out to me as much, and she lets me color in the white room.”

“Jinny Joe Day was fun, wasn’t it?”

Luke’s eyes widened and he nodded. “I’ve never seen her laugh so much.”

“Does she give you big hugs and play lots of games with you?”

Luke looked at me like that was a ridiculous idea and I sighed, worried about the small part of me that felt relieved.

“Ivan?”

“Yes, Luke.”

“Remember you told me that you can’t stay around all the time, that you have to go to help other friends and so I shouldn’t feel sad?”

“Yes.” I swallowed hard. I dreaded that day.

“What will happen to you and Aunt Elizabeth when that happens?”

And then I worried about the part in the center of my chest that pained when I thought about that.

...

I stepped into Opal’s office, hands in my pockets and wearing my new red T-shirt and a new pair of black jeans. Red felt good on me today because I was angry. I didn’t like the tone in Opal’s voice when she called me.

“Ivan,” she said, putting down her feather pen and staring at me. Gone was her beaming smile that once used to greet me. She looked tired, bags hung under her eyes, and her dreadlocks were down around her face and not in one of her usual styles.

“Opal.” I imitated her tone, throwing one leg over the other as I sat before her.

“What are the things you teach your students about becoming a part of your new friend’s life?”

“Assist don’t hinder, support don’t oppose, help and listen don’t—”

“You can stop right there.” She raised her voice and cut in on my bored tones. “Assist and don’t hinder, Ivan.” She allowed those words to hang in the air. “You made her cancel a dinner reservation with Benjamin West. She could have made a friend, Ivan.” She stared at me, her black eyes like coal. Any more anger and they would have gone on fire.