Cecelia Ahern - If You Could See Me Now

Elizabeth coughed, feeling stupid, quickly broke eye contact, and cleared her throat. “Don’t worry, I’m fine,” she murmured. “It’s just funny that your name is Ivan, because . . .” she stopped. What was she going to say? Tell a stranger that her nephew was delusional? Regardless of the Internet advice, she still wasn’t sure his behavior could be considered normal. “Oh, it’s a long story.” She waved her hand dismissively and looked away to take another sip. “So, what is it that you do, Ivan, if you don’t mind me asking?” The warm coffee ran through her body. She felt herself coming back, slipping out of the coma of sadness.

“I guess you could say I’m in the business of making friends, Elizabeth.”

She smiled understandingly. “Isn’t everyone who’s in business?”

He contemplated that idea.

“So, what’s your company called?”

His eyes lit up. “It’s a good company. I really love my job.”

“Good Company?” She frowned. “I’m not familiar with it. Is it based here in Kerry?”

Ivan blinked. “It’s based everywhere, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “It’s international?”

Ivan nodded and gulped down some milk.

“What is the company involved in?”

“Children,” he said quickly. “Apart from Olivia, who works with the elderly. But I work with children. I help them, you see. Well, it used to be just children, but now it seems we’re branching out ...I think. . . .” he trailed off, tapped his glass with his fingernail, and frowned into the distance.

“Ah, that’s nice.” Elizabeth smiled. His working with children explained the youthful clothes and playful nature. “I suppose if you see room in another market you need to get in there, don’t you? Expand the company, increase the profit. I’m always looking at ways to do that.”

“What market?”

“The elderly.”

“They have a market? Great, I wonder when it’s on. Sundays, I suppose? You can always pick up a few good knick-knacks here and there, can’t you? My old friend Barry’s dad used to get second-hand cars and fix them up. His mom used to buy curtains and make them into clothes. She looked like something from The Sound ofMusic. Good thing she lives here too, because every Sunday she wanted to ‘climb every mountain,’ and because Barry was my best friend, I had to do it you see. When is it on, do you think? Not the film, I mean the market.”

Elizabeth barely heard him; her mind had slipped back into thinking mode. She couldn’t stop herself.

“Are you all right?” he asked with that kind voice.

She stopped staring into the bottom of her coffee cup to face him. Why did he look like he cared so much? Who was this softly spoken stranger who made her feel so comfortable in his presence? Each twinkle in his blue eyes added another goose bump to her skin, his gaze was hypnotic, and the tone of his voice was like a favorite song she wanted to blare and put on repeat. Who was this man who came into her house and asked her a question not even her own family could ask? Are you all right? Well? Was she all right? She swirled the coffee in the cup and watched as it swished around, hitting the sides and spraying up like the sea against the cliffs of Slea Head. She thought about it and came to the conclusion that if the last time she had heard those words uttered by anyone was more than a few years ago, then she supposed the answer was no. She was not all right.

She was tired of hugging pillows, counting on blankets for warmth, and reliving romantic moments only in her dreams. She was tired of hoping that every day would hurry so she could get on to the next. Hoping that it would be a better day, an easier day. But it never was. Worked, paid the bills, and went to bed but never slept. Each morning the weight on her shoulders got heavier and heavier and each morning she wished for night to fall quickly so she could return to her bed to hug her pillows and wrap herself in the warmth of her blankets.

She looked at the kind stranger with the blue eyes watching her and saw more care in those eyes than she had in those of anyone she knew. She wanted to tell him how she felt, she wanted to hear him say it would be OK, that she wasn’t alone, and that they would all live happily ever after and that— She stopped herself. Dreams, wishes, and hopes were not realistic. She needed to stop her mind from wandering onto those paths. She had a good job and she and Luke were healthy. That was all she needed. She looked up at Ivan and thought about how to respond to his question. Was she all right?

He took a sip of his milk.

Her face broke into a smile and she started laughing, for above his lip was a milk moustache so big it reached the end of his nostrils. “Yes, thank you, Ivan, I’m all right.”

He looked unsure as he wiped his mouth and, after a while of studying her, spoke. “So, you’re an interior designer?”

Elizabeth frowned. “Yes, how did you know?”

Ivan’s eyes danced. “I know everything.”

Elizabeth smiled. “Don’t all men.” She looked at her watch. “I don’t know what Sam’s up to. Your wife will probably think I’ve abducted the two of you.”

“Oh, I’m not married,” Ivan replied quickly. “Girls, uugh.” He made a face.

Elizabeth laughed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you and Fiona weren’t together.”

“Fiona?” Ivan looked confused.

“Sam’s mother?” Elizabeth asked, feeling foolish.

“Oh, her? ” Ivan made another face. “No way. ” He leaned forward on the leather couch and it squeaked beneath his jeans. A familiar sound to Elizabeth. “You know, she makes this awful chicken dish. Sauce really ruins the chicken.”

Elizabeth found herself laughing again. “That’s an unusual reason not to like someone.” But oddly enough, Luke had complained about it to her also, after eating dinner at Sam’s over the weekend.

“Not if you like chicken, it’s not,” he replied honestly. “Chicken is by far my favorite.” Ivan smiled.

Elizabeth nodded, trying to suppress a giggle.

“Well, my favorite kind of poultry, really.”

That did it. She started laughing again. Luke must have picked up some of his phrases.

“What?” Ivan smiled widely, revealing a set of sparkling white teeth.

“You,” Elizabeth said, trying to calm herself and control her laughter. She couldn’t believe she was acting like this with a total stranger.

“What about me?”

“You’re funny.” She smiled.

“You’re beautiful,” he said calmly and she looked up at him in surprise.

Her face flushed. What kind of a thing was that to say? There was another silence, uncomfortable on her part, as she wondered whether to be insulted or not. Rarely did people make such comments to Elizabeth. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel.

On sneaking a peek at Ivan, she was intrigued to see he didn’t look at all perplexed or embarrassed. As though he said it all the time. A man like him probably did, she thought cynically. A charmer, that’s all he was. Although, as much as she stared at him with forced disdain, she couldn’t really bring herself to believe that. This man did not know her, had met her less than ten minutes ago, had told her she was beautiful, and yet remained seated in her living room as if he were her best friend, looking around the room as though it was the most interesting place he had ever seen. He had such a friendly nature, was easy to talk to, easy to listen to, and despite telling her she was beautiful while she sat in old tattered clothes with red-rimmed eyes and greasy hair, he didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. The more they sat in silence, the more she realized he had simply paid her a compliment.