Cecelia Ahern - One Hundred Names

‘Anyway, you never know, this whole experience might inspire another proposal,’ Kitty joked.

Mary-Rose’s face darkened. ‘Oh, I’m not sure about that.’

Kitty picked up on her mood. ‘Are he and Aoife serious?’

Mary-Rose swallowed. ‘Yeah, I think so, I don’t know, we haven’t really spoken about … her.’

There was a silence.

‘What about your friend?’ Mary-Rose asked, nodding at Steve.

‘What about him?’ Kitty immediately felt uncomfortable, irritated, even. Did Mary-Rose have a crush on Steve? That couldn’t be allowed, surely? Mary-Rose was at least ten years younger than he, better-looking, youthful … she couldn’t possibly be interested in Steve.

‘Does he have a girlfriend?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Kitty said over-enthusiastically. ‘For quite a while now. They’re crazy about each other,’ she said, not knowing if this was true exactly but feeling ill inside at the thought of Mary-Rose with Steve. What on earth was wrong with her?

‘Oh, that’s a pity,’ Mary-Rose said, crestfallen, and Kitty was secretly relieved. ‘I really thought you two would be perfect together.’

This surprised Kitty so much that she didn’t know what to say. It went unnoticed, though, as Mary-Rose approached Birdie and asked the birthday girl if she was ready for her makeover. There was a girly whoop and Regina even moved away from Archie to watch it take place.

Kitty got lost in her head imagining the possibilities of her and Steve together, picturing them together, how it could be, even recalling the one clumsy drunken time they’d shared a bed in college, and Kitty’s heart began thumping and her stomach fluttered. She couldn’t possibly …

‘Well, I escaped that little lecture, thanks for the introduction,’ Steve said slipping in beside her. ‘If I ever need to know anything more about butterflies be sure to shoot me,’ he whispered conspiratorially, close to her ear. Shivers ran through her body at the closeness of his breath. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ he asked then. ‘Your face is all red.’

Kitty’s mouth opened and shut like a codfish until the bus suddenly swerved and got everybody’s attention. The rendition of a Polish song ended swiftly from the back.

‘Left! I said left!’ Edward raised his voice. ‘Are you trying to kill us?’

‘No, just you, college boy,’ Molly growled.

‘Everything okay there?’ Eva asked as Mary-Rose wiped the long line of lipstick that had run along Birdie’s cheek as the bus swerved.

‘Yep, fine thanks. Head Smurf here has got it all figured out,’ Edward said.

Kitty caught Birdie once again smiling with glee as her nurse and her grandson battled for power.

Kitty was torn when it came to their arrival in Cork. The only way they could stay on schedule was by splitting up. While Ambrose and Eugene went to the butterfly symposium at Cork University, Achar and Jedrek went to Cork English Market where the Irish food board, Bord Bia , had arranged a corporate adjudicator from Guinness World Records to recognise the largest number of people dressed as eggs ever to gather in the same place. This was part of a scheme to promote the local organic egg farmers. Kitty knew that she needed to be at both events, and that Steve needed to be too, and so she quickly hopped off the bus on a mission to push her way through the people dressed as eggs, their faces popping out of holes in the egg costumes, their legs in gold spandex leggings, to find the adjudicator. Jedrek and Achar were searching just as anxiously.

‘Do you see him?’ Achar asked, his head darting around.

‘What does he look like?’ Sam asked.

When an egg became unbalanced and bumped against Mary-Rose, Sam immediately reached out to steady and protect her.

‘Not like that anyway, I hope,’ Jedrek said, and they laughed.

Birdie linked Edward’s arm and looked around with delight, and despite Molly’s declaration of not being able to get far enough away from the college boy, she stayed close. They all decided to split up in search of the judge, unsure if the egg record attempt had officially been logged yet.

‘Look, Jedrek,’ Achar said, surveying the scene. ‘This is what we need.’

Local media, crowd support and an official adjudicator, it was all Achar had dreamed of for their event.

‘Yes, Achar, but there is no water,’ Jedrek poured cold water over Achar’s dreams.

‘I found him!’ Eva called, and Kitty followed Eva’s voice to a bewildered-looking black-suited man who was surrounded by Kitty’s odd bunch of people.

Jedrek and Achar pushed through the crowd, looking like they’d found the Holy Grail when their eyes fell upon the adjudicator. Jedrek walked towards him, hand extended the entire way. The adjudicator looked at Kitty’s gang, who had circled him, back to Jedrek’s hand as if this was some kind of joke, then finally he shook his hand, sensing the seriousness.

‘Mr Adjudicator,’ Jedrek addressed him as though he were royalty, holding his hands up and looking him up and down as though greatness were in this very market. ‘We have travelled a long way to see you today, myself and my friends.’

The judge looked at the group.

‘Well, hello,’ he said unsurely. ‘I’m James.’

‘James!’ Jedrek announced as if that was fascinating. ‘My name is Jedrek Vysotski and this is my friend Achar Singh. This, James, is Kitty Logan, the great journalistic reporter who we are blessed with writing our story.’ Kitty nodded enthusiastically and James said another awkward hello.

‘James,’ a man behind him interrupted, ‘we’re about to get things started here.’

‘Okay, just a minute,’ James said pleasantly, turning back to Jedrek, intrigued.

‘We, Achar and I, are going to make the great record attempt to be the fastest two men in a pedalo for a distance of one hundred metres. The current record is one minute fifty-eight point six two seconds and Achar and I can do it in one minute fifty. This is going to happen, James. In Cork. And we would like to invite you to be our adjudicator.’

This time an egg interrupted. ‘We’re ready now, James.’

‘Okay, just a second,’ he said, a little panicked.

‘We will not let you down, James,’ Achar pushed.

Jedrek placed a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder. ‘Let the man speak.’

‘Thank you,’ James said, sweat breaking out on his brow. ‘I’m afraid I can’t come to your event, as delightful as it sounds.’ He spoke in an English accent. ‘But according to the rules you must have registered your details with Guinness World Records already.’

‘Yes we have, we have,’ Jedrek said enthusiastically.

‘And what did they say?’

‘They told us the cost of adjudication and we could not possibly afford that,’ Achar said immediately, to Jedrek’s annoyance. ‘That is why we have sought you out here. We have come to you, to save you having to come to us,’ he said as if they were doing James a big favour.

‘I’m sorry, gentlemen, I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that,’ he began.

‘They’ve been training for months,’ Archie interrupted. ‘Surely you could just turn up and watch them.’ Archie’s tactics weren’t as gentle as the others’ and it sounded a little threatening.

Eva sensed this and joined in. ‘We’ll be at Kinsale Pier tomorrow, at 2 p.m., all you have to do is come and watch them, witness it for yourself and then they can do the rest of the work. What do you think?’

‘I have a flight back to London in the morning …’

‘Change it,’ Sam said.

‘I’ll cover the cost of your flight,’ Kitty butted in. ‘They really deserve to be seen by you,’ she urged.

‘They’ve a jolly good spirit,’ Regina added from somewhere outside of the circle. ‘We believe they can do it.’