Cecelia Ahern - P.S. I Love You

Holly smiled at him weakly and turned to face the couple.

“Oh sorry, I didn't see you there.” Daniel smiled, turning to face them.

The couple stared back at him stonily.

“Eh . . . Daniel, this is Judith and Charles. They're Gerry's parents.”

Forty

HOLLY PRESSED DOWN ON HER car horn heavily and cursed at the driver in front of her.

She was fuming. She was mad at herself for being caught in such a situation. She was mad at herself for feeling that she had been caught in a bad situation when really there was nothing to it. But she was even angrier at herself for feeling like there was more to it because she had really enjoyed Daniel's company all evening. And she shouldn't be enjoying herself because it didn't feel right, but it had felt so right at the time . . .

She held her hand up to her head and massaged her temples. She had a headache and she was overanalyzing things again and the stupid traffic all the way home was driving her insane. Poor Daniel, she thought sadly. Gerry's parents had been so rude to him and had ended the conversation abruptly and charged into the restaurant, refusing to make eye contact with Holly.

Oh, why did they have to see her the one time she was happy? They could have come around to the house any day of the week to see her feeling miserable and living the life of the perfect grieving widow. They would have been happy then. But they hadn't, and now they probably thought she was having a great life without their son. Well, screw them, she thought angrily, pushing down on the horn again. Why did it always take people five minutes to move from the traffic lights when they went green?

She stopped at every single set of traffic lights she met, and all she wanted to do was to go home and throw a tantrum in the privacy of her own home. She picked up her mobile and called Sharon, knowing she would understand.

“Hello?”

“Hi John, it's Holly, can I speak to Sharon?” she said.

“Sorry Holly, she's asleep. I would wake her for you but she's been absolutely exhausted–”

“No, don't worry,” she interrupted. “I'll call her tomorrow.”

“Is it important?” he asked, worried.

“No,” she said quietly. “It's not important at all.” She hung up and immediately dialed Denise's number.

“Hello?” Denise giggled.

“Hiya,” Holly said.

“Are you OK?” Denise giggled again. “Tom, stop!” she whispered, and Holly quickly realized she had called at a bad time.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I just called for a chat but I can hear you're busy there,” she forced a laugh.

“OK then, I'll call tomorrow, Hol.” She giggled again.

“OK then, b–” Holly didn't even get to finish her sentence as Denise had hung up.

She sat at the traffic light lost in thought until loud beeps behind her caused her to jump and press her foot down on the accelerator.

She decided to go to her parents' house and talk to Ciara, as she would cheer her up. Just as she pulled up outside the house, she remembered Ciara was no longer there and her eyes filled with tears. Once again she had nobody.

She rang the doorbell and Declan answered.

“What's wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” she said, feeling sorry for herself. “Where's Mum?”

“In the kitchen with Dad talking to Richard. I'd leave them alone for a bit.”

“Oh . . . OK . . .” She felt lost. “What are you up to?”

“I'm just watching what I filmed today.”

“Is this for the documentary on homelessness?”

“Yeah, do you wanna watch it?”

“Yeah.” She smiled gratefully and settled herself down on the couch. A few minutes into the video and Holly was in tears, but for once they weren't for herself. Declan had done an incisive, heartrending interview with a remarkable man who was living on the streets of Dublin. She realized there were people far worse off than she, and the fact that Gerry's parents had bumped into her and Daniel walking out of a restaurant seemed like such a stupid thing to worry about.

“Oh Declan, that was excellent,” she said, drying her eyes when it had finished.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, taking the video out of the player and packing it in his bag.

“Are you not happy with it?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “When you end up spending the day with people like that it's kind of hard to be happy about the fact that what he has to say is so bad that it's making a great documentary. So therefore the worse off he is, the better off I am.”

Holly listened with interest. “No, I don't agree with that, Declan. I think that you filming this will make a difference to him. People will see it and want to help.”

Declan just shrugged. “Maybe. Anyway I'm going to bed now, I'm absolutely knackered.” He picked up his bag and kissed her on the top of her head as he passed, which really touched Holly. Her baby brother was growing up.

Holly glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece and noticed it was almost twelve. She reached for her bag and took out the October envelope from Gerry. She dreaded the days when there would be no more letters. After all, there were only two left after this. She ran her fingers over the writing once again and tore the seal open. Holly slid the card out of the envelope and a dried flower that had been pressed between two cards fell onto her lap. Her favorite, a sunflower.

Along with it, a small pouch had landed on her lap. She studied it with curiosity and realized it was a packet of sunflower seeds. Her hands shook as she touched the delicate petals, not wanting them to snap between her fingers. His message read: A sunflower for my sunflower. To brighten the dark October days you hate so much. Plant some more, and be safe in the knowledge a warm and bright summer awaits.

PS, I love you . . .

PPS, Could you please pass this card on to John?

Holly lifted the second card that had fallen on to her lap and read the words through her tears and laughter.

To John,

Happy 32nd birthday. You're getting old, my friend, but I hope you have many, many more birthdays. Enjoy life and take care of my wife and Sharon. You're the man now!

Lots of Love, your friend Gerry

PS, Told you I'd keep my promise.

Holly read and reread every single word Gerry had written. She sat on that couch for what seemed like hours and thought about how happy John would be to hear from his friend. She thought about how much her life had changed over the past few months. Her working life had definitely improved significantly, and she was proud of herself for sticking at it; she loved the feeling of satisfaction she got each day when she switched off her computer and left the office.

Gerry had pushed her to be brave; he had encouraged her to want a job that meant more to her in life than just a paycheck. She wouldn't have needed to search for those extra things if Gerry were still with her. Life without him was emptier, leaving more room for herself. She'd exchange it all to have Gerry back.

That wasn't an option. She needed to start thinking about herself and her own future. Because there was no one else to share the responsibilities with her anymore.

Holly wiped her eyes and stood up from the couch. She felt a new bounce in her step and she couldn't wipe the grin off her face. She tapped lightly on the kitchen door.

“Come in,” Elizabeth called.

Holly stepped in and looked around at her parents and Richard sitting at the table with cups of tea in their hands.

“Oh hello, love,” her mum said, happily getting up to give her a hug and a kiss. “I didn't hear you come in.”

“I've been here about an hour. I was just watching Declan's documentary.” Holly beamed at her family and felt like giving them all a hug.

“It's great, isn't it?” Frank said, standing up to greet his eldest daughter with a hug and a kiss.