Cecelia Ahern - P.S. I Love You

Finally the scene changed and the words “Operation Gold Curtain” came up. Denise screamed,

“Oh my God, Declan, you bastard!” very loudly and rushed off to the toilet to hide.

She had obviously remembered something.

Declan chuckled and lit himself another cigarette.

“OK, girls,” Denise was announcing. “It is now time for Operation Gold Curtain.”

“Huh?” Sharon and Holly announced groggily from the couch where they had collapsed in a drunken stupor.

“Operation Gold Curtain,” Denise exclaimed excitedly, trying to drag them to their feet. “It's time to infiltrate the VIP bar!”

“You mean this isn't it?” Sharon said sarcastically, looking around the club.

“No! That's where the real celebs go!” Denise said excitedly, pointing at the gold curtain, which was blocked by possibly the biggest and tallest man on the planet.

“I don't really care where the celebs are, to be honest, Denise,” piped up Holly. “I'm fine here where I am,” and she snuggled into the cozy couch.

Denise groaned and rolled her eyes. “Girls! Abbey and Ciara are in there, why aren't we?”

Jack looked curiously across at his girlfriend. Abbey shrugged her shoulders weakly and held her face in her hand. None of this was jogging anybody's memory except of course Denise's, and she had fled the room. Jack's smile suddenly faded and he slid down in his chair and crossed his arms. It was obviously all right for his sister to act the fool but his girlfriend was a different matter. Jack placed his feet up on the chair in front of him and quieted down for the rest of the documentary.

Once Sharon and Holly had heard that Abbey and Ciara were in the room, they sat up attentively and listened to Denise's plan. “OK, girlies, here's what we're gonna do!”

Holly turned away from the screen and nudged Sharon. Holly couldn't remember doing or saying any of these things at all; she was beginning to think Declan had hired look-alike actors as a horrible practical joke. Sharon turned to face her with wide worried eyes and shrugged. Nope, she wasn't there that night either. The camera followed the three girls as they very suspiciously approached the gold curtain and loitered around like idiots. Sharon finally built up the courage to tap the giant on the shoulder, causing him to turn around and provide Denise with enough time to escape under the curtain. She got down on her hands and knees and stuck her head through to the VIP bar while her bum and legs stuck out from the other side of the curtain.

Holly kicked her in the bum to hurry her along.

“I can see them!” Denise hissed loudly. “Oh my God! They're speaking to that Hollywood actor guy!” She took her head back out from under the curtain and looked at Holly with excitement.

Unfortunately, Sharon was running out of things to say to the giant bouncer and he turned his head just in time to catch Denise.

“No no no no no!” Denise said calmly again. “You don't understand! This is Princess Holly of Sweden!”

“Finland,” Sharon corrected her.

“Sorry, Finland,” Denise said, remaining on her knees. “I am bowing to her. Join me!”

Sharon quickly got on her knees and the two of them began to worship Holly's feet. Holly looked around awkwardly as everyone in the club began to stare, and she once again gave them the royal wave. Nobody seemed very impressed.

“Oh Holly!” her mother said, trying to catch her breath after laughing so hard.

The big burly bouncer turned his back and spoke into his walkie-talkie. “Boys, got a situation with the princess and the lady.”

Denise looked at both the girls in panic and mouthed, “Hide!” The girls jumped to their feet and fled. The camera searched through the crowds for the girls but couldn't find them.

From her seat in Club Diva, Holly groaned loudly and held her head in her hands as it finally clicked with her what was about to happen.

Nineteen

PAUL AND MUSTACHE MAN RUSHED upstairs to the club and met up at the gold curtain with the very big man. “What's going on?” Mustache Man asked him.

“Those girls you told me to keep my eye on tried to crawl through to the other side,” the big man said seriously. You could tell by looking at him that his previous job involved killing people if they tried to crawl over to the other side. He was taking this breach of security very seriously.

“Where are they?” Mustache Man asked.

The big man cleared his throat and looked away. “They're hiding, boss.”

Mustache Man rolled his eyes. “They're hiding?”

“Yes, boss.”

“Where? In the club?”

“I think so, boss.”

“You think so?”

“Well, they didn't pass us on our way in, so they must still be here,” Paul piped up.

“OK,” Mustache Man sighed. “Well, let's start looking then, get someone to keep an eye on the curtain.”

The camera secretly followed the three bouncers as they patrolled the club looking behind couches, under tables, behind curtains; they even got someone to check the toilets. Holly's family laughed hysterically at the scene unfolding before their eyes.

There was a bit of commotion at the top of the club and the bouncers headed toward the noise to sort it out. A crowd was beginning to gather around and the two skinny dancers dressed in gold body paint had stopped dancing and were staring with horrified expressions at the bed. The camera panned across to the king-size bed that was tilted for display. Underneath the gold silk sheets there appeared to be three pigs fighting under a blanket. Sharon, Denise and Holly rolled around screaming at one another, trying to make themselves as flat as possible so they wouldn't be noticed. The crowd thickened, and soon enough the music was shut down. The three big lumps under the bed stopped squirming and suddenly froze, not knowing what was going on outside.

The bouncers counted to three and pulled the covers off the bed. Three very startled-looking girls appearing like deer caught in headlights stared back at them and lay there as flat as they could on their backs with their arms stiffly by their sides.

“ One just had to get forty winks before one left,” Holly said with her royal accent and the other girls burst out laughing.

“Come on, Princess, the fun's over,” said Paul. The three men accompanied the girls outside, assuring them that they would never again be allowed back into the club.

“Can I just tell my friends that we're gone?” Sharon asked.

The men tutted and looked away.

“Excuse me? Am I talking to myself? I asked you if it was OK if I go in and tell my friends that we had to leave?”

“Look, stop playing around, girls,” Mustache Man said angrily. “Your friends aren't in there.

Now off you go, back to your beds.”

“Excuse me,” Sharon said angrily, “I have two friends in the VIP bar; one of them has pink hair and the other one . . .”

“Girls!” he raised his voice. “She does not want anyone bothering her. She is no more your friend than the man on the moon. Now clear off before you get yourselves into more trouble.”

Everyone in the club howled with laughter.

The scene changed to “The Long Journey Home,” and all the girls were in the taxi. Abbey sat like a dog with her head hanging out of the open window by order of the taxi driver. “You're not throwing up in my cab. You either stick your head out the window or you walk home.”

Abbey's face was almost purple and her teeth were chattering, but she wasn't going to walk all the way home. Ciara sat with her arms crossed and with a huff on her face, angry with the girls for forcing her to leave the club so early but more embarrassingly for blowing her cover as a famous rock singer. Sharon and Denise had fallen asleep with their heads resting on each other.